Dizzy

dizzy

Billy: She was so beautiful, sitting there in front of me in class. Every time that I walked into my English class and sat down, I couldn’t help but stare. She sat there scribbling in her little notebook. I always wondered what she was writing. She didn’t have a boyfriend, so she couldn’t have been writing love notes to him. I didn’t think that she was writing notes to her friends.
So I sat there every day, while I watched her with her head in her left hand, wondering what she was writing with her right. Her beautiful, long, black hair flowed down her back, and often fell in her face when she moved her head a little bit. Sometimes she would get tired of it falling in her face and she would pull it back into a ponytail.
I would spend so much time paying attention to her that I wouldn’t even realize that there were only ten minutes left of class, and I would rush to get all of my work done before the bell rang. I was already half way through my junior year of high school and I still did the same thing every day. I couldn’t help but stare though. She made me dizzy with her beauty. One day, when I was staring, another student in our class walked over to her. She was helping him with something, and then he asked her what she was always writing. It was very clear then that I wasn’t the only one who paid attention to her. She told him that she was writing songs. “Can you sing?” I asked her without even realizing that I had actually spoken. I spoke to her occasionally, but not often. She turned around and smiled. My heart started pounding. “A little bit.” She replied. I smiled back when her beautiful, soft voice. “Can I read them?” I asked her as the other guy walked away. She handed me her little yellow notebook.
As I read through the songs I was amazed. But then I realized that it only made sense that such beautiful words came from such a beautiful woman. “I used to have a band. And I used to sing in the band. But that doesn’t really mean that I can sing. It just means that I like to sing.” She told me. “Well I have a band.” I told her.

Rose: “We’re looking for a singer.” He finished. The last time I was in a band it didn’t really go anywhere. I got frustrated and quit. So I didn’t really even want to think about joining another one. But after a bit of talking, he finally convinced me to go to his house after school that day and sing.

Billy: I was so excited. Sure, I had spoken with her many times, but I had never even imagined that I would have her over to my house.
I offered to drive her back to my place that day. So I went through the rest of my classes praying that the last bell would just hurry up and ring. When it finally did, I rushed out to the student parking lot where we had concurred to meet. I was in such a hurry that I forgot that I had French homework and didn’t even go to my locker. When I got to the parking lot she was already out there. I was a bit out of breath but I still managed to say the word, hi.

Rose: “Hello.” I replied with a smile. We began to walk to his car, and there was a bit of an awkward silence. All of this was kind of weird. I had a class with Billy, we had lunch together. And I spoke to him every once in a while, but we never really hung out.
When we got in the car, I heard TOOL coming through the speakers. “Do you like TOOL?” He asked me. “Yeah, I saw them in concert once.” I replied. “Have you ever heard a Perfect Circle’s version of Imagine?” He asked. “Yeah, I like it better than the original. “Me too.’ He laughed.

Billy: When we finally arrived at my house, my friend, Jay was waiting outside. It’s about time you got here.” He said as we stepped out of the car. “Hey, unlike you, we have school. We don’t wake up at three o’clock in the evening, and then sit around all day and watch cartoons.”
“I don’t only watch cartoons.”
“Really?”
“Yeah…Sometimes, there’s porn.”
  I laughed at my friend’s immature joke.  I only laughed because I was pretty sure that it wasn’t a joke.  “Jay, this is Rose. Rose, this is Jay.”

Rose: Jay was cute. Billy was cuter though. But neither of them were really my type.

Billy: “What do you want to sing?” I asked her. “What do you have?” Jay pulled out a medium sized crate full of CD’s. Rose got down on her knees and began to sort through the CD’s. She pulled out A Boy Named Goo by The Goo Goo Dolls. “Do you know how to play number one?” She asked. “Of course we do. Our drummer isn’t here though, so it will sound a bit weird.” I told her.
After a couple of minutes, we began to play and everything just started to come together perfectly. Especially when she opened her mouth. “Oh here you are…There’s nothing left to say. You’re not supposed to be that way. Did they push you out? Did they throw you away? Touch me now and I don’t care…When you take me I’m not there…Almost human but I’ll never be the same. Long way down…I don’t think I’ll make it on my own. Long way down…I don’t want to live it here alone. Long way down…I don’t think I’ll make it on my own…
Everything was perfect…When we hit the chorus, Jay and I did backup. It was almost like a musical. When we finished, Jay looked at Rose.
“Holy shit,” se said.

Rose: “You have to be part of this band.” He finished.
“I don’t know guys.”
“Please Rose. That was awesome.” Billy told me.
“I suck.”
“No you don’t. Please.”
I thought about it for a minute. I didn’t really see the harm in it. “Okay.” I told them.

Billy: At our next rehearsal, Skylar, our drummer actually showed up. He was wearing tight blue jeans, and a black Social Distortion tank top. His hair was black, that day. And as usual his hair was also spiked, and he was wearing a lot of eyeliner. He may have also been wearing mascara. I’m not too sure. I was kind of jealous of Skylar because Rose was clearly attracted to him.

Rose: Over the next few months it became very obvious that Billy had a little crush on me. I tried to ignore things though. But we did grow closer. And that may be why I didn’t have the same feelings for him that he had for me. He was my best friend, and nothing more.

Billy: After at least eight or nine auditions, we finally got our first show. We were playing on a Saturday night. I decided that this would be the night that I told Rose how I felt. I could now tell that she had feelings for me as well.

Rose: About a half an hour before the show, the four of us was backstage. Skylar sat in the couch smoking a cigarette. He was so cute. His hair was purple that day. I remember that being the week that he chose to die his hair every color of the rainbow; a new color every day. “My head burns.” He told me. I giggled and sat next to him. He put his arms around me. We hadn’t told anybody yet, but we had been together for about a month at that time. Billy had his eyes on us the whole time. Well, I couldn’t really tell where his eyes were, because he was wearing his sunglasses. But he was facing us.

Billy: I had had enough. It was time to tell her. I flashed Jay a look. “Okay, let’s go to the bar.” He said to Skylar. They stood up. “Are you coming gorgeous?” Skylar asked my Rose. “No, I have to finish my makeup.” She told him. When they left, Rose walked into the bathroom and started to put eyeliner and mascara on. As usual, she was so beautiful. She was wearing a grey plaid skirt and black tights. She was wearing a grey sweater that came down enough to show just a bit of cleavage. I walked into the bathroom. “Rose, can we talk?”

Rose: “Sure. About what?”
“About us.”
“What about us?” I asked him as I continued to put on my makeup trying to avoid him.
“I’m sure you already know that I have feelings for you. And I can tell that you have feelings for me as well.”

Billy: “I do.” When I heard this, my eyes lit up with joy.
“You do?” I asked her.
“Yes, but…”
“Rose, I love you!”
“Billy, I don’t know what to say.”

Rose: I didn’t know what to tell him. I didn’t want to break his heart. I did care for him, but not the same way he cared for me.

Billy: “Billy, I don’t really know how to say this…But I don’t feel the same way that you do.” She told me.
“But you said that you had feelings for me.”
“Yes, but not the same as yours. I love you as a friend, NOTHING more.”
“Because Billy, I just don’t feel that way about you. You’re not really my type.”
“Then what is your type? Skylar?”
“Billy, don’t even bring him into this.”
“Why not? Because you want him.”
I just couldn’t stop yelling at her. She made me so mad. I had never felt this way before in my entire life. She got a bit teary-eyed, but I just didn’t care. I just wanted to hurt her like she had just hurt me.
I went crazy. I started hitting walls and just screaming. She burst into tears. It became very clear that I had scared her. But not enough. I pushed her to the ground, and shut and locked the door behind me. I fell to my knees and unbuttoned and unzipped my pants. She tried to get up, but I pushed her down again, this time, holding her arms down. She struggled and yelled out…

Rose: “Billy, stop it please!” I was crying. He pushed my skirt up and pushed my underwear aside. “Billy No!!!” I shook my head as I cried out.

Billy: I held her legs open with my knees. I leaned down and kissed her. She continued to struggle. I held both of her arms down with one hand now and ripped open her shirt. “No!” She cried. I squeezed her breast, then leaned down and bit her nipple. I could hear her crying. Finally, I laid on top of her and forced myself inside of her.

Rose: “Please, Billy! Stop it!” I cried out again. It hurt so badly. And the more I cried, the harder he went. He got off on it. This wasn’t the Billy that I knew. I didn’t even know this person. He wasn’t Billy. I continued to struggle and scream and cry. I felt myself start to bleed.

Billy: I started to tense up. I pounded harder and harder. Finally, I started to breath heavily. I squeezed her breast again. And then I finally came inside of her. I suddenly realized that she was still crying. I stood up and buttoned and zipped my pants. She was just lying there, still crying. But not as hard. I pulled my cigarettes out of my pocket and lit one up. Her hands were on her stomach, and there was a little bit of blood on the floor. I heard the music playing onstage. Jay was probably tuning up. I opened the door and walked out. I grabbed my guitar, and before I left the dressing room, I looked back at her lying on the floor. She looked just as beautiful as ever, now with her mascara and eyeliner bleeding down her face. She made me dizzy with her beauty.