We Are Night

         “Are you okay?”
         It was so cold I thought the spit would freeze on my teeth if I opened my mouth to answer, so I just nodded and buried my face in my scarf. It was always so cold. The wind never stopped, but the snow was nice. I used to love the way it collected on your eye lashes but I hated when it made the bottom of my pants wet.
We don’t live there anymore.
         People hurried by, heads lowered against the wind. All those people, the boys with their hats and the girls with their bags big enough to stuff their boyfriends in, they all walked by, ignoring us. I felt like crying, but it was too cold.
         “Everything will be all right,” you said, putting a mitten covered hand on my shoulder.
         The snowflakes danced in and out of my vision and your breath made little clouds that seeped out of your mouth. I loved to hear you breathe.
I needed to go back to my dorm room, but I worried that Lex’s parents might still be there, packing her things. They told me I could keep anything I wanted, but I couldn’t bear to take anything of hers. I still couldn’t get that image out of my head. She was just lying there and I thought she was sleeping until I realized her eyes were open.
            “It’s all going to be okay,” you had been reassuring me ever since it happened.
            Of course it would be okay; I was supposed to get A’s for the rest of the semester, right?
          She told me she was going to the counseling center, but we all know now that she lied. She told me that she had stopped doing drugs and that she was eating. She told me she was passing and doing her homework.  She said she felt much better, that things were looking up. She was a liar. I still don’t care if Ben says I should have seen it coming. He never did anything to stop her.
        This is not my fault.