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I wonder around this house trying to gather my thoughts and still I'm sont sure what to do with myself after getting another call from Dad. He called me 2 days ago to wish me Happy Birthday also to let me know my step-mom, Marsha, was doing well and the doctors didn't give her much longer. She's been in bad health for several years now and after several strokes along with some very trying times it was time for her to let go of this earthly world and go home. At least there she'll finally be free of all the pain and confusion that inprisoned her in her last years. I met Marsha with her daughter at Hobby Airport in 1991. I was flying from Dallas to Houston when Desert Storm was annouced. Of course, I found out once I had landed. There they were with Dad. I knew they were talking marriage and as long as I wasn't going to lose my dad again I was happy for them both. Marsha made getting to know her so easy. Her sense of humor, her honesty and the way she loved us was awesome. She cared for me like her own. She was my other mom. She taught me that having a voice, especially standing up for myself was just as important as anything else I'd want my own kids to learn. If I couldn't speak up for myself I couldn't expect my children to know how to. As a mom we protect our kids and so I learned how to be strong.....from her. She taught me well and I know she would be proud of the courage I have found and the woman I am today. I can't imagine my life without her. She will always be with me, anywhere I go. I feel selfish for the way I am thinking/feeling. I wish I had someone to talk to about this. In times, whether they are good or bad, a girl usually has a friend to confide in. They listen and share without laughing at you for being scared or corny. I have friends, 2 sisters and a mom/ best friend. Yet, they all have lives, like me, and I don't know where to go for comfort. Then I start feeling so lonely...trying to call anyone just wishing I could find a safe place to fall apart. There is still so much left to say. I feel as if I am calling out to her as she walks down a hallway, only she can't hear me. I am filled with panic because I am desperate for her to know I love her and I am strong today because she cared enough to love me too. Does she know about all the love in this world for her? Does she know how deeply she touched me and how she affected my life? If I could only have told her sooner. I have missed her so much. Why does life give us such wonderful people to love and be loved by only to realize too late how grateful we were for having known them? The moment that earthly bond is broken we are left shaken to our core and the same thoughts repeat....I should have been there more....I shouldn't have waited so long to express my love and apperciation to them. Did she know? Still, I'd give anything to talk to her. I would tell her everything and the only question left would be to stay. There wasn't enough time. I'm sorry! I know better and I should have done more. I'm not ready but I know you are. I know this next life's journey will be easier on you than this one. I realize that you will find peace and be lifted to the Heaven's on a soft breeze God sent just for you. But just know that while you're there you'll be missed here. I'll see you again soon. Until then, you are with me always...forever carried in my heart. Thank you for all you did for me. I have been blessed to have had you in my life. Save me a spot by the window!