The Hand Dealt to you

Life sure has not been a cake walk, and I do not think it will change. Well let me take that back, I am doing everything possible now to change things; to end up to be very good and peaceful, after living in the hell my life started out to be the first 35 to 40 Years. I see as time goes on, and I learn things it seems so slow, so freaking slow I feel, Sometimes I have to just give up on life, till I wake up to find out my butt is still alive, now how did this happen. It could only be one thing the Creator pulled me through it. Now why would He go and do that, I have thought much about my whole life, I was worthless, I felt worthless, looked worthless and I was told I was, I acted worthless so I had to be. I was all the time in some kind of trouble; I was in jail or prison. And it seemed, I loved the streets or being homeless, when I did not end up in the hospital or detoxifying some were. I was all screwed up, but who cares no friends or real family. I don’t think God even liked me.

But much to my surprise, I had seen God actually help me with some things, when I needed help real badly, because no one was out to help me anytime soon. Believe me this is one of the worst feeling there is, no body’s there for you. That is terrible so terrible just thinking about it now, I shake my head no. Now I am so far away from that now; just because of one woman my wife Dawn. She is a Dream come true for me, she shown me what love is, how to love and being loved. Now for me Love is a real thing now not just a word, like I believe most people feel and have known for them. I think this is very sad, the world is becoming loveless no love left much no more very sad. I see the people in the world getting hard faster and faster and love that is not in the picture no more? And this is how you know things are not right. Hate and heartless people are more and more, and less of the things that heal us and make us kind. I see it when I wake up and hit the streets and look at all the people with a blank face.

I really got a rude awaking, around this time in my life, it all started in Salt lake City, Utah we were always partying and getting into trouble. At the time I was shooting drugs, and doing anything to get high and stay that way, so the dumb ass I was, one friend I thought we had ripped us off for some drugs, so I was not going to let him get away with that. So I hit him and took all that he had, but I still found nothing but a few Dollars, so anyway he called the police. And I don’t know if you know about Utah police they are not nice, they will shoot first then ask what happen, yes they will! So they took me to jail, the Mormons are very tough on crime and that’s who they are, all Mormons in Salt lake if you are not Mormon you are nothing. So at that time I had one count of strong armed robbery and I had drugs and weapons in my apartment so already there in Salt lake City, Utah I had a record from the past, so I was looking at some time, so I prayed and prayed to get out, you know the hole thing, I will never do it again and I meant it. I meant it as much as I could mean anything and at the time my word was not too good even to myself. But I keep it up praying and talking and praying and praying some more. I did not give up praying. Then after a few Months the jailer or a speaker in the jail I’m not sure what it was, said my name get you things your going home OH YEA, I was very happy and I know he answered my prayer yes he Did, I found out they dropped the charges against me.
Well I did not do much changing when I got out maybe, I got worse; I went up to Evanston, Wyoming to work on a job. During this time I had a Friend I thought, we came down from Utah to work and I thought we were Friends. I world learn otherwise later anyway we shared a Hotel together it came with the job. You would not believe this place everything went on there all the workers lived in this hotel they put us up in, Evanston is a very small town but there were bars every door down the street, the hole little town was drunk. The town was open to drink 24/7 and at this time I thought, I was in paradise. And there was so many Different Woman from all over the place, who came there to work and play or whatever they want to do they found it there, I guess I had allot of fun for the time until things changed. This is what got me to consider my life and the way I was living. So much of everything woman, drugs, drinking, and what I thought it was a very good time.

This Friend I had I forget his name now we were drinking ever clear this is grain alcohol 190% proof very mean well we started to fight, why who knows, he started getting very mean so we fought and then the police came and broke it up. That would have been the end of it, but he started to act up and started to come after me while the police were right there watching. So off he goes to jail. Then the next morning I wanted to talk to the person who gave us our jobs and he wanted to talk to me first, so I went to his office and we talked. I said what had happen then he said he wanted to fire him, so I talked my butt off to get him his job back and he ended up giving me a advance to bail him out, I was glad I felt bad for him. This place was a big truck stop called Husky’s, this is were everything went to hell fast. As days went by I notice I was going no were still washing dishes day after day but this friend was moving up in the business fast, He was prep cooking, then cook, then assistant manager, then Manager.

But I was still washing dishes. I noticed him and the owner was always going out to the bar together, so this got me thinking because someone came to me and said I was drinking on the job, I was but there was no way anyone would know unless someone said something, like my so called friend. So I figured it all out why he was always going to the bar with the owner, the owner knows my so called friend knows want is going on with everyone that worked there. The owners little snitch, well that’s the way people are! Stepping on who ever gets in your way even your Friends, it don’t matter nowadays your mom, whoever just to get somewhere;” really that’s nowhere”. Well to me that is pretty bad that some one will go so low. I know why he did it because I whipped his ass. He would always talk about how bad he was the Vietnam vet he believed he was so rough, but he was just talk. And talk is what he did, talked his way to be the manager of Husky’s, with back stabbing people he called his friends.

Well after I had found this out things got bad to worse and I could not stand him even around me no more, So one night we so drunk I had to carry him up stares to his room so he would not get put in jail and while I was carrying some guy up stares I slipped and hurt my back, very bad to the point I had to go to the doctors, I ruptured a disk in my back and I was hurt, to the point were I could not walk, but right before that I prayed probably the hardest prayer, I have ever prayed. I ask the maker to bring me to a place were I could be with Godly people, ones that had good hearts and had care for each other and did not stab each other in the back, I really did not know what I was talking about but I wanted to be around good people not backstabbers and people who for a little more money would stick a knife in your back. I wanted to find a church that I could trust, and people I could trust and people who lived the Truth, Yes I am tired of all the hypocrite liars and frauds it seemed everyone was out for his own and they are when it comes right down to it, the so called high and mighty church people. Seeing them they put on a big show for everyone to see, I see right through it all, and it makes me sick they put on a big front. The Priest or so called Priest He is the worst when it comes to that. So they will give there Money to Him.

I have seen them all around they bring someone like me or someone the way I was to there congregation they bring them up to the front of the church so all the people can see and say something like, see how bad off he is he needs to be saved and then start there little ritual and bang, I am saved they say, I remember one time this Preacher starting to pull down my lips and say speak, say anything just speak and I guess this was there speaking in tongues. I see how ridicules and hypocritical these people are and to top it off the Preacher had a son there and the son just imagine like father like son. I seen his son running around like a little girl, don’t take much to figure this one out, his son trying to preach to everyone with the homosexual talk more than anything I believe he was trying to pick up boys by what he was doing. So each church I ran across was doing something off the wall, but I kept hanging on hoping praying” looking and looking some more”.

About this time in my life I was 19 I felt way older because of the way and things had been in my life, believe this; I was learning how to live. I was not taught nothing by being locked up, well I had to face I was Institutionalized from 9 Years old till 19 I had to relearn everything I had learned and this was not easy at all. Well now to say the least I lost that job. So I went back to Utah hanging with the same people right away, and things picked up fast I needed some whiskey so I went to a package store with no money? So I walked over to what I wanted and picked it up and went for the door, then a few people tried to stop me, so I looked down and seen a hammer, I picked it up and went after them. I made it out of the store, but they hit a silent alarm button under the cash register, and the police showed up as I was just out the door well I got caught and this is a good thing it slowed me down a little.

So I did a little time again and prayed again but this time I got out after a few Months I get real lucky and did a little time for that. I should have did allot more. Well I was out again and I was getting desperate. I was so tired of trouble all the time. So I went to this place called teen challenge this was about the only thing I know that had some kind of a God for help and I know the family pretty good, it was a house were this guy ran around and a little man complex a co worker who was very self righteous I think, well he acted like it. He I did not care for, always trying to be something He was not. In fact I really did not care for the whole thing Teen challenge but this was the best thing in Utah. It’s really amazing to me How these so called church people act this guy that ran the place was on a trip he thought the was so much better than us there, and he acted like it by the things he did. All those church people act that way high and mighty above everyone; “else most all.”

Well I seen everything out there all the churches and anything to do with Religions and I really seen nothing at all, a bunch a nothing. So one day this woman I know came and a few men and were talking about a people who lived together and loved each other and took care of each other HUMM I never seen nothing like that but I wanted to try it. I seen all the church people and how they are, it did nothing for me all the hypocrisy self-righteous people. Doing all there deeds in the name of God, I did not like at all, but I grew up like most thinking, church is good and you need to go because this is were the good people go, well come to find out through what I have seen in this world it is not true at all. To me this place is were the scared people hide and act like they are good and talk about everyone else and try to look good for others, or the Preachers themselves make there living off these people who are worried about going to Hell so they give the Preacher Money and the more you give the less likely you go to Hell. Please don’t get me wrong all who go to these churches are not that way, some are good and doing the best they know how to. These people will go to heaven not doubt in my mind.

Well enough about the church people now I will talk about the real people, what I mean is the people who really do good. And are doing what it says in the Word to do if you want to do what you are suppose to do, when you want to follow the Lord God in Heaven. There are many names they call Him the Maker the Christ, Creator, God, allot of Names to call Him. But I see no one really do what they are to do if you want to follow Him. When I got to see these people for the first time in Island Pond, Vermont I was surprised in fact there were about 10 of us and most of us left and went down the street, and I walked by some people in the town and asked one of them what he thought about them, and he said we only have one name for them and he told me Moonies. Well I seen they were not liked to much by the towns people but that really did not mean to much to me, I would find his out for myself if they were good or bad. So I went back there were they were and started to talk to them they seemed nice enough. So I decided to stay the night and find out what’s going on. Because I was not doing much better in fact my life was bad and I just remembered this while writing this now, a little ways back I said I prayed the Father would show me people I could trust, well I said I hurt my back to, and this help me to stay there a while and see for myself what is going on with them. I ask many questions about everything and in fact everything I ask they had a very good answer for. I seen all the children were very good and very Moral now this surprised me very much the churches could not clam that. Not at all, in fact I see the churches are worse the children grow up terrible. Woman cheats on there Husbands and Husbands do the same, The worst thing I see is the children the children of church people most of the time grow up hating God and anything to do with it, because the parents drill it into them with no love at all just a fear of Hell fire and a God that brings down fire on you, if you are wrong no wonder the children grow up rebellious to the extremes. Now this is the majority of the church people. Now there is a few that go by the heart and do the best they can for what they know! I get real upset when I see the word of God get twisted by the religious system to fit there life no matter what they are doing they find a way to worship the Creator in a way that fits there life, It amazing to me the extent they go to do this and by pass what they are suppose to do. And find a verse in the word that means nothing pertaining to what they try to make it say. It’s very sad and this is how they are able to do this by many twisted words one by one they lose there conscience and are able to do this and “believe it.”

Now I see the people who do what the Father wants them to do and you see the Difference in the Children in the Wife’s and Husbands’ it’s unbelievable these people are His People Truly. And there name is The Twelve Tribes just like it say it going to happen in the word. If you would like to know more, just read the Bible word for word and what the believers did and what to do, then you will know all about them. This is our goal in life when I first met them and now it’s never changed. It’s getting better and better.