The Almost Empty Nest Syndrome

                        THE ALMOST-EMPTY NEST SYNDROME

    I’m sure you’ve read about, and maybe experienced, the phenomena called “empty nest syndrome.”  Well, the syndrome that precedes it is rarely talked about.  I call it the “almost-empty nest syndrome.” It affects parents of ‘tweens and teens and differs from the traditional empty nest syndrome in that the kids are still home (occasionally), asking for the car keys, hogging the phone and raiding the refrigerator.  These ‘tweens and teens rarely speak when spoken to except to ask to be driven somewhere or to borrow money.
    I recently became aware of the phenomena when I returned home from dropping my thirteen-year-old daughter and friends at the mall and my fourteen-year-old son at the movies.  My sixteen-year-old was out with his buddies as was my still-living-at-home twenty-year-old son.  My husband sat in his recliner channel-surfing as I plopped down on the couch.  I idly scratched the dog’s belly.  “Do you hear that?” I asked excitedly.  “What?  I don’t hear anything,” replied my husband. “Exactly! That’s what I mean, no noise,” I exclaimed in awe.  We eyed each other across the living room.  “What do you want to do now?”  I asked.  “Get something to eat,” he suggested.  “You mean just the two of us? It’s been so long, will we know how to act?”
         We got in the car and headed to a local restaurant, barely saying two words. Feeling almost like a first date, we were nervous, unsure of each other. We took our seats and placed our orders.  We locked eyes and began a conversation.  Instead of romantic bantering, we talked of our children.  About our hopes and dreams, their schooling, their futures.  We reminisced of their childhood antics. Conversation crept around to what life-without-kids would be like in the not-so-distant future.  We talked about buying an RV and traveling, of taking an Alaskan cruise, of down-sizing our home. It was starting to sound quite enticing.  Before we finished the meal, the cell phone rang. The here-and-now was calling.  The girls needed to be picked up.  As we gathered up our things and headed to the car, the cell phone rang again.  Our son needed a ride home.  We climbed into the car with visions of the future swirling in our heads.  Time enough for us in the future but for now, we will enjoy the last few years with our children at home.
    Almost-empty nest syndrome lasts only a couple of years and is a training ground for both parents and teens.  Parents learn to rekindle a relationship that got sidetracked by the day-to-day life with kids, to begin to be a “couple” again.  Teens learn independence, important social skills and how to ask for the car keys.