THe RaNDoMNeSS oF mY b-DoMe

When you are at the grocery store and you figure hey im not going to be lazy today im going to do my part and put my cart in the cart area..the cart holder..the kingdom of carts..cart land..any way you decide to do your good deed unlike the rest of the valued shoppers and you turn around to invision the pat-on-the-back finish line..the feel-good brag to your friends moment.. that seems like an easily attainable goal..you do a 180 because thats the "safe" enter zone from point a to b..you frantically turn every which direction in search for the drop-off zone..AKA the spotlight area for your victory dance..a drop of sweat streams down the back of your neck..your eyes grow worried..the clock counts down the minimal secured time before your ice cream becomes a milkshake..where the hell is it?? to the left a 95 year old grandma presses her cane down onto the pavement next to the McDonalds cheesburger wrapper and humbly gets in her automobile..how did she get there before me?? to the right..again even more depressing a girl who could be no more than 8 smiles and waves, also accomplishing the delight of the cart wrangler who will be rounding up the heard of carts during this particular time of day..you think to yourself why is her mom sending her into the crazy cruel world-o-carts?? It wasn't the same back in her day..smiles from all the grocery store employees who were engineered in a Pleasantville type factory based in china..cause everything is from there..do we make anything ourselves?? The type of place where they know your name..ask about the fam..help you shop..you know the non senior citizen-walmart type..which is the complete opposite of today's "golden" Customer Service where you frantically go up and down the isles for what seems like days looking for something like skewers.. explaining to the 12 year old stock boy what skewers are.."They are like long toothpics..you grill food on a barbeque with them??" after giving you a puzzled look for 10 minutes or so he says he will check in the back..where he actually goes and texts his hooker dressing girlfriend (who makes Paris Hilton look like she's obese)..forgets what he went in the back for and decides it's a good time to go on break. You dread entering again to say the least..but maybe you should..if you return though..the chaos would begin between the baby's screaming with two more of life's blessings hanging off your cart because the mother turns for just a moment..they beg "can I get this??please!! I'll be good I promise!!" Still thinking about the fast melting possibilities marinating in your backseat that really don't go well with the upholstery..your feet start to get sore..After a while you begin to wonder if you are even still in the G-Store parking lot..with both hands fully grasping and about to cause some serious damage to the brain (slash) dome..what I like to call the B-Dome..Home of the brain…Go Team! The mascot is a light bulb.Team moto: Without us you die! Back to the story..So youre about to show Britney spears how to really go for the bald look..when you feel some gooey mess on top of the 'ol skull..thats funny..you dont remember putting excessive (and wasteful) amounts of gel on this morning..you examine it more closely and to your horror discover that the public does not only feed our feathered friends a few slices of wonder in the park..you race frantically back to your car put it in reverse and hit the gas..BANG!! metal collides..FUCKIN' CART HOLDERS!!