my best friend (installment #3)

Unsure of whether they heard me I closed my eyes, I didn’t have the energy to move, my body felt lethargic.
“She’s in the shower Eli, I can’t get the door open, she’s locked it”
The door banged, as they tried to open it. Finally Elijah must have broken the lock because the door flung open. Elijah walked in, my eyes barely open I saw him walk back out and Jodie walked in.
“Call an ambulance Elijah, I think she’s got hypothermia”
Jodie turned the water off and grabbed towels from the rail and wrapped them around me
“What happened Maddy?” she whispered, climbing into the bath with me and hugging me
“He… I broke up with him, and he…” I couldn’t get it out, my voice was croaky and I knew if I said it that I would break down again, I had to forget it. I had to
“Its alright Maddy… its okay”

Elijah came back in and looked down at me, I saw a tear fall from his eyes and I looked away… great now I was going to start again. The tears fell thick and fast
“We need to get her into your room Elijah, Maddy, Elijah is going to pick you up okay, is that okay?”
I nodded and closed my eyes again.


Elijah picked me up and carried me to his bedroom, the next few minutes were a blur, I kept drifting in and out of consciousness.
Once I was in the Ambulance I came to properly and noticed that it was Elijah next to me
“Eli… where’s Jodie… you didn’t leave her” I croaked
“No… the police are with her. Don’t worry, it’s okay Madison, you’re going to be fine”
“I’m such an idiot”
“Shh… Madison, just rest okay”

I closed my eyes and tried to forget about the whole situation, but it wasn’t that simple. I’d been trying to sort out the mess that I’d created… and then… it was my fault.

Once we’d got to the Hospital, the doctors took me to the emergency room, they hooked me up to machines and put an IV drip in. they called my parents and sent some nurses in with a crisis kit
“Now Madison, we need to take some samples for the police… is that okay”
I shook my head and tried to sit up, Elijah took my hand and whispered in my ear
“It’ll be okay Maddy, I’ll be right here, this will help the police get that son of a bitch… and believe me Madison, it’s the police who will get him… or I will”
“It’s my fault Eli… I lied, I used him” I said
“Don’t… don’t blame yourself Madison okay… its not your fault” he whispered his lips pressing against my hand.
The nurses proceeded to take the samples and left Elijah and I alone in the room
“They said you’ve got Hypothermia, you must have been in that shower for awhile”
“I don’t remember how long I was in there, I felt so unclean… I’m such an idiot”
“You’re not an idiot”
“Yeah… I am, I used him… to forget… about, I was just trying to fix things… I couldn’t be with him… knowing that I was only hurting him… myself… and oh god, Elijah I can’t face mom or dad, or Nellie or anyone, can you make sure they don’t come in”
“Slow down… Everyone will just be worried about you. and as for that… piece of scum, don’t think that you dumping him has anything to do with this okay… you did what you needed to, he had no right…” his voice trailed off and he looked down, a few seconds later he managed to say “he had no right to hurt you… to do this Madison, and that will never change”

I looked out the window where my gaze stayed for what seemed like hours, Mom Dad and Nellie rushed in at some point, embracing me like I was porcelain, but I felt empty and just lay back and looked out the window again.
The doctors told my parents that I would be in hospital for a few days and that I would need a bag of clothes, so they left. Jodie and Jacey came in just after they had left. Jodie walked over to Elijah and whispered something in his ear, but I didn’t care about there relationship anymore, I didn’t care about anything.
“Maddy… the police caught him, he was hiding out in a drop in center, he admitted everything” Elijah said quietly
I nodded, it didn’t mean much to me. So they’d caught him, so he’d admitted it…it had still happened, it was still happening over and over again in my head, and that was all that mattered
Elijah and Jacey disappeared soon after to go and get some coffee, Jodie came and sat beside me on the bed and turned my face to look at her.
“Elijah and I broke up… I know that after everything you’ve been through today that you probably don’t care. But we broke up… he didn’t really want to be with me anyway, I was just a… poster girl… I guess you could say. I’m one of your best friends Maddy and I knew you had feelings for him, even though you wouldn’t admit it… I’m sorry I went out with him”
“I don’t care Jodie… just leave me alone”

The police came in and tried to take a statement from me, but I didn’t want to talk about it, I couldn’t. Vincent had retracted his admission soon after they arrested him and they needed my statement to help the case. The fact I’d almost killed myself from sitting in the shower with cold water freezing me Together with the cut on my head wasn’t enough if I couldn’t say what had happened.

A few days later they let me out of Hospital. My parents and everyone else had tried to get me to make a statement, but I just wasn’t ready. Vincent was still in custody and would be for a while because the Police decided they had enough evidence to charge him, and as he had no home to return to, he couldn’t get bail.
I was sitting on my bed staring out the window, I’d done that a lot the past few days, not talking to anyone, it was like I was merely a shell of my former self, I didn’t feel strong anymore, and I still felt like I caused the whole thing, my mind was a wreck and talking wasn’t going to solve that.
A knock on the door interrupted my thoughts abruptly and I almost jumped out of my skin.
“Hello?” I whispered
“It’s Elijah… can I come in?”
“Sure” I muttered not moving

Elijah opened the door and sat down on the floor, I looked at him and he didn’t say anything, he just looked at me, his eyes blank so I couldn’t read his thoughts.
“What?” I asked pulling my blankets up as I lay down
“I’m not leaving,” he whispered
“Fine, you don’t have to. You did only just walk in”
“No Madison, I’m not leaving until you talk to me”
“What do you call this” I scoffed
“Small talk, look I’m worried about you everyone is”
“Don’t be… I’m fine” I lied turning over
“Madison Jayde Spencer… I’m not stupid… and I just want to help”
Help… how could he help?
“How can you help? Rewind time, make it not happen, no you can’t it’s always going to be there, replaying in my head like a bad movie that just won’t end, like a broken record over and over again” I burst out… the only time I’d let any of it break out.
“I can’t rewind time no, But we can all help you move forward, yes that experience will always be there, but Maddy, it will always keep replaying in your head if you don’t get help”
I smiled and whispered
“You make me sound like a junkie”
“I miss that… I miss seeing you smile, I want that back…”
I frowned again and looked up at the ceiling, I wanted that back to, but how was it possible.
“I’m afraid the old Madison has checked out, no forwarding address, no number, she just vanished” I said, trying to make a joke of it, though even in my Zombie state I could tell Elijah wasn’t buying it.
“I’ve been staying in a motel, I can’t be in that house, so I can only imagine what it means to you, I’m in the process of moving out, but I was thinking if we went back there, maybe you might feel a bit stronger” he whispered.
The idea did have some sense to it, shock me into waking up, but I didn’t want to wake, well… the weak part of my mind didn’t want to wake up. It was easier to stay in a time warp dwelling than to attempt to move on, still I had to give it a try. I had to.

“Fine” I croaked
Elijah looked shocked, and then stood up
“I’ll be with you the whole time Maddy”
I got out of bed, the first time in ages and walked downstairs, Mom and dad were obviously surprised to see me walk down and managed to say hello before I walked out the door. As we drove to the house I fell into my silent state again, my heart was thumping the entire way knowing that I couldn’t go back… I had to do this, the old me was screaming to resurface.

When we got to the house I felt dead, like I was a ghost not even there. I got out of the car and stood there just string at the doors, I literally felt like a cartoon character, with a dark storm cloud over my head and rain pounding down. Elijah took my hand and I felt safe enough to walk towards the door.
Elijah unlocked it and opened the door, I froze, and stood in the doorway looking into the kitchen that morning replayed in my head, the one where Vincent had asked me out and I felt like throwing up.
We walked through the kitchen and into the lounge, I screamed out, tears streaming down my face instantly, the flashback entranced me like a movie and I wanted to stop it, stop the pain eradicate it.
Somehow Elijah got me back outside, and I knew I had to stop it. It was to late to take back the experience, but it wasn’t to late to move forward.
“Take me to the cop station”
“Are you sure?” Elijah said as we got into the car
“You want the old me back right” I said strongly
“you bet”

Elijah drove me to the Police station and finally I made the statement they’d been waiting a week for. After it was done I left the interview room and smiled at a waiting Elijah.
“Lets get out of here” I said walking to the doors.

I felt a little better, knowing that I had told those officers what had happened knowing that it actually happened and that it wasn’t just a morbid dream actually helped. On the way home Elijah stopped at the petrol station, He filled his car with petrol and walked into the station. As he walked back out after paying I noticed him walking with someone I recognized, when finally it clicked, it was his Ex-girlfriend Saskia. They’d dated back when I was only 14, she was okay, her and Elijah were together for 2 years when they broke up suddenly on my 16 birthday. I’ll never forget that day because Elijah showed up to my birthday drunk and out of control.
“Madison! Wow haven’t you grown up… you must be what… 15 now?” she asked in a (fake) nice voice
“I’m 18” I muttered
she knew I was at least 17, it had been two years since they’d broken up after all. I shook my head, it was completely like Elijah to forget I was there when a pretty face surfaced
“Eli… I want to get home, can’t you just get her number already?” I said impatiently
“Uh… seeya later Saskia, maybe we can meet up for that drink sometime soon?” Elijah said as he walked to the driver’s door and got in.
“Just when I thought you weren’t a superficial prat,” I muttered as he started the engine
“You don’t think very highly of me do you”
“so you’re going to go for a drink with Sasquatch?” I said
“Probably… what’s wrong with that?”
I didn’t answer him, I just wanted to get back home, ring the girls and do something completely normal.
When he pulled up the drive I went to get out.
“you never answered me” he whispered “Do you have a problem with Sas?”
“No… the only problem I have is with you… you’re so dense you know that… god you remember that day Nellie was talking to you downstairs… trying to tell you I had feelings for you! She was completely right and you just blew her off… Then Jodie Broke up with you that day so I could tell you how I felt! You’re dense and I don’t even know why I was ever in love with you in the first place”
I got out of the car and it only registered what I had said once I’d gotten inside the house. I ran up to my room taking the portable phone with me. I sat on my bed and peeked through the curtain out the window, Elijah was still sitting there but as soon as I stopped looking the car revved and took off down the driveway.
I dialed Jacey’s number then Jodies on three way

“Hey guys”
”oh my god she speaks, How are you Maddy? I’m guessing Elijah’s stakeout worked then?” Jodie squealed
“Yeah, I’ve been to the police station just got back now. I feel a lot better, still a bit shattered though, I miss you guys”
“We’ve missed you to” Jacey said happily
“So anyway apart from that, I called for another reason… Eli saw his ex Saskia at the gas station. I got all weird and just now I told him he was dense for not realizing how I felt about him,” I whispered
“No way?” came the reply from both girls
“Yup… he stayed in the driveway for about five minutes and then took off… I’ve made such a fool of myself”
“I doubt it Madison, hey… guess who just showed up here” Jodie said
“Who?” I asked
“Elijah… I’ll leave the phone on okay”
Jodie put the phone down and walked to the front door
“Hey Maddy before the drama begins, I just wanted to say I’m really proud of you, you really are a brave woman, I’ve got something to ask you… but I’ll do it when you get back to school okay?”
“Okay.. I’ll be back on Monday, I’ve missed enough now”
We stopped talking and strained ours hears to hear but it was futile.
“Hold on I’m going to text her to turn the volume up on the phone,” Jacey laughed
I heard Jodies phone beep and she picked up the phone and said to Elijah
“Sorry just got to make a call”

She walked away and said to us
“He’s really upset… I don’t think I should let you guys listen in”
“Oh come on!! Jodie I’d do the same for you” I whispered
“Okay”
She pressed the volume button and walked back to the table.

“So anyway… you were saying”
“Well after we went to the gas station I took her home. Before she got out she basically told me I was stupid for not knowing she was in love with me… and she didn’t even know why she ever was… do you know how long she’s felt like this?” he whispered
“I’ve known she felt like that… much longer than she ever knew, even when she told me she didn’t have feelings for you after you’d kissed I knew… still I was a shitty friend and went out with you anyway.”
“She told you about the kiss?”
“And jacey and Nellie”
“It was a really good kiss” he laughed
“So how do you feel about her?” Jodie asked
I hung up. I couldn’t hear it, I was completely invading his privacy listening to this. A few moments later the phone rung again
“Hey you hung up…”Jacey said
“Yeah I decided I didn’t want to know. Did you stay on the line?”
“No… as soon as you hung up I did to. So I was thinking… I know since things went down you’ve been having a hard time, But we’ve got a new drummer. MY new boyfriend Mason, anyway… are you still into the whole band thing? Cos the battle of the bands is in three weeks.”
“Yeah… sounds great, I think that would help a lot to, you know with my plan of getting back to who I was… before boys… before any of this shit, is that what you wanted to ask me before?”
“No… okay, well I’ll ask you now but before you say no, please think about it. The school is having a fashion show, I’ve based my design on Strength and individuality, I haven’t made it yet but the designs are at school. I promise there’s no pink no frills. Please model it for me” she asked
you know a few months ago I wouldn’t have even thought about it, it would have been a straight out no. but something had changed in me, even though I’d been so sure I’d never change and I found my self saying
“Yes”
“Really?” she said shocked
“Yes, really, I’ll be more than happy to model for you… but you’ll have to teach me to walk”
“Omigod! Thank you so much! This one competition could get me a scholarship to college. Thank you Madison”
“That’s cool, ring me later, I have a feeling Jodie might try and ring soon. Maybe we can go to the movies tonight”

we said goodbye and hung up.
I lay back on my bed, so I’d thought I’d wanted the old me back, but the way things were going all though it was still early days I felt like I was growing into something different.
The Phone rung shortly later
“Hey Maddy, you hung up! When did you hang up?”
“Just after you asked him how he felt about me. I suddenly realized I shouldn’t have been listening”
“Well he’s gone now, probably on his way back to your house.”
“Was he okay?”
“Yeah, a bit shocked and a bit confused, he can’t believe he never knew”
“Oh hang on. He’s here, I’ll ah call you later” I said as his Ford pulled up the drive.
He got out and I looked out the window, this time in full view so he could see me looking, he stood there for a second and smiled, then ran in the house and up the stairs saying a brief hi to my parents along the way. He walked through my open door and stood there looking at me.
“Hello you” I said chucking the phone on my bed
“Hello yourself” he whispered back, sitting on my bed next to me
It felt like old times, when we used to lie on my bed and count the dots on the ceiling, except this time was different awkward almost.
“So… did everyone know but me?”
“Probably. But then again, everyone knew before I did” I laughed
“You were right you know, I really am dense, I mean, all those times I talked to your sister about the way I felt and she tried to tell me you felt the same… I never listened, even though it was what I wanted to hear”
“You aren’t dense…. Hold on… you felt the same?” I stuttered
“Feel the same Maddy. I’ve been in love with you since you were sixteen”
I covered my face with my eyes and wiped the tears falling from my eyes away, why was I crying… was I happy or upset?
“I just wish I hadn’t been such a doofus and told you sooner”
“I don’t know what to say Elijah… I mean, I’m a bit broken at the moment, I need to heal before I even think about being in love, I need to find out who I am” I said only just realizing it for myself
“I know Madison, I’m just glad it’s out now” Eli whispered gently pulling my head to rest on his chest.
“Did he know? How you felt?” I asked referring to Vincent
“Yeah”
I looked up at Elijah and smiled, we’d never really hugged before but it felt really nice, His Deep blue eyes searched mine he had a truly beautiful face, almost perfect, I reached up and brought his face to mine. I had to have one kiss. It was soft and sensual, even better than the one all those weeks ago, because now we both knew why it was happening.
“You know I’m glad where… okay again… things went weird for a while. I’ve really missed hanging out with you Elijah” I whispered after I pulled away from the kiss, I rest my head on his chest and listened to his heart, it was pounding, like mine was. It was then that I felt sad. Actually sad wasn’t the word, heartbroken and lost was more the words I could use to describe how I felt. Vincent had taken my soul from me, and I was angry that finally Elijah both knew how we felt about each other… but nothing was going to happen. Tears began to fall from my eyes but I didn’t hide it, instead I let Elijah hold me.
“I love you Madison, and I always will. I’ll always be here for you. Always” he whispered kissing my head softly

I must’ve fallen asleep because I woke up still on Elijah’s chest in the dark, a blanket covering us. I looked at the time it was 3am. It was the first night since that day I hadn’t had a nightmare. I felt completely safe I looked up at Elijah, the light of the alarm clock shedding enough light for me to see his face; he looked so calm and content. I lay there watching him for a while until finally I fell asleep again.
The next morning I woke up alone. I frowned, I’d been looking forward to waking up next to him, and I saw a note on the bedside table next to the alarm. I reached out and grabbed the small piece of paper
“Hey Maddy, I’ll be back” was all it said. I stretched and looked out the window, Elijah’s car was gone and I was confused, a few moments later my parents came in there faces white with shock, I sat upright cold fear coursing through me
“What’s wrong?” I whispered, knowing instantly something had happened
“Elijah went out about an hour ago to get something for you for breakfast, he said he wanted to surprise you… but oh baby there’s been an accident, Elijah’s in Hospital” Mom whispered
“Is he okay?”
“We don’t know, the hospital just called and said to get there”