Never

It was six, and I heard a knock at the door. It had to be Andy. My nerves bundled and sent shivers through my back. Of course, that happened every time I say him. I threw on my coat and headed toward the door. There he was, standing in front of me, the leaves falling behind him, the sunset framing him in such perfect light. “Hey Kahlen, you look great.”

“Thanks. You ready for our walk?”

“Yeah, let’s go.”

We walked through the yard and towards the small path that lead from my backyard into the little tree grove. The grove was brilliant with colors. The trees always turned such beautiful colors in the in fall here in Washington.



He was quiet. His silence confused me. He spirit was so vibrant: he could light up any room. But tonight, he was quiet. All I heard was the crunch of the leaves beneath our feet and the rustle of the wind through the oaks. The sun began to fall behind the tops of the trees as we wandered farther into the grove. The air turned cold and my light jacket didn’t seem as warm as I had thought. I grabbed his hand for comfort, but for the first time in the six months we had dated, he recoiled. With hands shoved into pockets he continued to walk drearily in his silence.

“Andy is something wrong.”

“Not here. I want us to get there first.”

By there he meant our spot. Where we first met. Half way between the park and my house, tucked back on this trail, the path turned west to the lake and from the picnic area you could view the most amazing sunset. Tonight was no exception. Rays of blue, red, orange and pink fanned out every which way. With the clouds, it looked more like heaven than anything else I had ever seen. As it came into view, his pace quickened and in an almost rush he seated him self on the bench.

“Andy, come on, talk to me.”

He didn’t look up. Though I couldn’t see, his gaze surely bore a hole in the ground.

“Andy what’s wrong? You are starting to scare me! Are you trying to break up with me or something? Is that what you are trying to say?”

“Kahlen, I….”

“No I understand.” I could feel tears forming behind my eyes. “No wait, I don’t understand. Why do you want to breakup,” I said almost in a yell.

He looked at me for the first time.

“Kahlen, you don’t get it…”

“No I do! It’s another girl isn’t it? You found some skinny hot bimbo that you’d rather be with than me…” I held back a sob and turned from him. The chill of the air was beginning to seep beneath the collar of my jacket.

I heard him stand behind me, and suddenly the warmth returned to my body. His strong, muscular arms clenched my body to his in an almost death grip.

“Don’t you dare. Don’t you ever tell yourself that. There is no one else in this entire world I would rather be with than you. You are the only reason I haven’t left yet!”

He stopped there, almost as if he said something that he shouldn’t have.

“What do you mean left? Are you going somewhere?” Panic.

“It’s my grandma. And my dad. She’s sick and…”

“So are you going to go stay with her till she gets better,’ I said grasping for news that wasn’t what I knew was really happening.

“The doctors said she can’t live alone anymore. My dad was offered a job there a few months ago, and now he said its time to go back.” He sat back down on the bench, his gaze returning to the ground and the small hole he dug with the front of his shoe.

“New York? You’re leaving for New York? Today?” The sobbing started then. I sat down next to him. His arm held me at the waist. No heat radiated from his body to mine. We both said there, cold, dying.

“He heard about grandma last night, and he has already made all the plans. You know my dad.”

“But I love you Andy! You can’t leave! We were supposed to finish our senior year and go to UW together!”

“I love you to, Kahlen. If there was anything I could do to make him stay, I would. I yelled at him last night till my voice was gone, but he doesn’t believe that we are in love at 17. And if he did, I doubt he would care. We are leaving tonight for the hospital and he’s having the rest of our stuff sent later.”

I squeezed him tighter.

“I love you Kahlen, never forget that. I’ll come back to you somehow. Don’t give up on me.”

“I love you to Andy. I’ll wait on you until you come back. I’ll never love anyone else. Never.”

“I have to go. My day said car is pulling out at seven thirty.”

He stood up and began to walk towards the trail. He turned towards me. I saw a single tear slide down his hardened face.

“Never,” he said.

Behind the tall oaks, I lost sight of him for the last time. As he walked away, the sun dropped behind the lake and the light left. I sat there, on the red bench that we had called our own for so many years. I began to shiver. Under the rising moonlight, I saw a leaf fall. Then another. Then the snow. The white flakes fell onto my hands and head. My shivering became worse. The snow melted on my cheeks and mixed with my tears turning them bitterly cold. Never again would he protect me from the chill of the Washington winter. Never.