Foolish Gal

I was a young girl back then when I had met him. I never thought that he would be part of my life. I really thought that he would be one of my enemies, but it turned out that he wasn’t. As time passed, he became my friend. We became close to each other. Others thought that we were having a relationship which I STRONGLY say this to all of you, “WE ARE NOT HAVING A RELATIONSHIP,”.
For a short time of being classmate, our friendship remained. I was being a rebel back then. I wouldn’t go home early. I wouldn’t do any of my homework at home, but rather than on the day of the deadline. I was certain that everyone started to dislike my behavior. However, I cared less to what they thought about me as long as I was feeling contented with the world that I was creating. When we graduated, we scarcely met during our highschool years. We were in different environment. I, on the other hand, was adjusting without his absence; his annoyance that he would create when we were together. Plus, there was no other communication with him.

“Sam!” someone called. By the way, I’m Samantha; age of seventeen and a first year of one of the great university in the region. Actually, this was the beginning of my college year level. I and my friends were separated. I took the course that I barely had any heart to it. People could say that I was taking this course because of the money. It’s just that this was ALL MY MOTHER’s idea. I really like to be a programmer. I wanted to create a world through computers. With this world, I might sleep for eternally. This sounds like a lunatic got loose of the hospital. But this was my dream, to create a world that no one could easily destroy it.
“What is it?” I asked in a childish way with a smile on my face. The person who was calling me was Anjie. She was with Cyrie, the most beautiful among the group. She asked me that where I would eat this lunch. I just simply said that I don’t know. Immediately, they said that I could join them. I smiled at them with like a kid. On the same time, I exclaimed, “Ok!”.
Along the way, I was walking fast than them. There were three guys with us and three of us, girls. All were busy talking with each other while I was walking silently ahead of them. It was really hot at that time, so mostly of them whined about it. I on the other hand was smiling while I was walking. Actually, I was enjoying their whines. I really didn’t understand myself of liking it, but that’s what I was feeling.
Weird wasn’t it? Well—I never expected that I would act like this. You see---I never act like this for a quite long time ago. *sigh* well--- it was really long time ago. I don’t want to remember.
“Sam!” one of the guys suddenly called me. I jumped out of my seat and looked at him. “What is it?” I asked. He looked at me with a teasing look on his face. “What?!” I whined as one of my eyebrows raised. He shook his head and went back to his seat. Ok! That’s kinda a surprise. By the way, that guy was JP. He was the funniest among the group.
Ok! That’s all for the intro of my first day. The main focus of this story was my foolishness upon a guy. Remember earlier I mention someone. Well--- that someone, I was able to get contact with after I was able to obtain his number. It turned out great. I assure you all that. However, I felt later on that this was wrong. I don’t know why I felt like this. I just felt it.
I had dreamt for a long time that we would be spending with each other. I guessed that I dreamt to high for me to reach. When that happened, I was glad and happy. I was talking with him as a childish gal. I remembered at that time he exclaimed that I was the same childish person as before. If he only knew the reason for such actions, he would surely not say those words. I was trembling. I wished at that time that I didn’t show up. But a part of me, kept saying that this was I dreamt of; it’s coming true at last. It had been for a quite sometime since I said this word loudly in my mind, “I LOVE HIM,” repeatedly. Then a thought bumped in. “This is just infatuation and nothing else,” that’s what it told me.
As we entered the movie house, we were laughing and talking. We settled down and started to watch the movie. It was already at the last scene of the movie. I gave him his snacks that I was carrying. He immediately opened his while I was drinking my coke. I was focused at the screen to understand the scene. Not a moment later, we shifted to another seat. There, I did the same thing. I was focused at the screen. Along the way, I noticed that he was somehow not settled down. I looked at him. I even asked him that what had happen. He just answered me that it was nothing. My focus went back to the screen. I was really not amazed to the movie, to be honest. It’s very irritating. Maybe it’s because I was with him. Hmmm…
Then later on, He placed his hand over to the other side of my shoulder. I looked at him and immediately asked him that what had got into him. He smiled at me. He would keep saying that he missed me. “Miss me? What is there to miss to a childish individual like me?” I kept murmuring. He didn’t hear me sadly. He would slowly lean his head mine. I would turn my head to him and looked at him innocently. I really don’t have any idea to what this guy had eaten. I just ignored these strange actions of his. I watched at the screen until the last scene ended.
As we waited for the movie to start, we talked about someone. Well--- that someone was his crush during our elementary years. Lets name the girl, shall we--- her name is Kristin. Well--- you see, this Kristin was his classmate the rest of the years of the elementary years. While he and I were just classmate for a year. Along the elementary years, Kristin and he had a fight. So, he feared talking to him. Plus, she would just walk away when he approached her. When we were highschool, he confronted her. There they talked to settle the things smoothly. Later then, he told me that he courted her. While they were talking about it, my name appeared suddenly. Kristin asked, “How about Samantha?”. You know what he answered, “Samantha is my friend. I could easily talk to her. Actually, I am really comfortable with her,”. I just laughed like a silly kid pretending that I was alright. I didn’t want to react in front of everyone--- HELLO!! I’m not that stupid, ok! I laughed to every situation that he and she did. Then the conversation ended when the movie started.
I was ignoring him. While I was eating my snack, he would again place his hand over. I on the other hand just continued watching the movie. Later then, he again leaned his head to mine. As time passed, I somehow was leaning at him. His hand still remained at my shoulders. He then noticed that I was holding the empty plastic cup. He asked me that why I was holding it. I told him that I would throw it outside after the movie. He then said something, “May be, you just holding it, because you haven’t something to hold on to,” I just kept quite. He reached out to get the cup. He then placed his hand on my hand which was the hand that I was holding the plastic cup. I didn’t hold back though. I kept still. I couldn’t focus to the movie anymore. Then I heard something being dropped along the floor. I just ignored it. He then held my hand properly as if he wanted me to hold back.
Being such a fool, I held his hand back. We were as if in a relationship at that time. Before we left the movie house, he told me that I wouldn’t go home directly after the movie. He wanted that we would walk around for awhile because he really missed me.
After that incident, questions came to me. However, there was not one able to answer. Then a thought came to me. I was not in harmony if I based my conclusion to Plato’s types of soul. My desire had overruled me. With this, I am certain that there was something wrong. It might not be reveal right now, but sooner or later it will. As I flashed back to the incident, I came to realize that I was really a fool. Its so OBVIOUS that he was just playing with me. He knew that I like him. He knew that I couldn’t say no to him. GRRRR!!!! I hate myself! I really do. What should I do to change the time? What should I do to forget about it? What should I do to move forward without him? *sigh* as he told me that we were just friends. Good thing that he could tell me what he really felt like telling while I on the other hand, couldn’t. I couldn’t even say any descent word to say to him or to everyone. What more to tell what I really felt about him. My tears might come out late, but the pain had been there for quite sometime. I’ve been ignoring it from the start, but now I couldn’t.
I’m such a fool. I should have kept hidden just like a silhouette which couldn’t spoke any word to everyone. It would just be there when my presence was needed.




THE END