Revisions and Decisions

Revisions and Decisions
Nick Hilton
It was in the dead of the night, or morning I guess is what it really was.  Sleep was really not an option at the time, and the thoughts of his talk with her still bounced endlessly through his head.  The girl who had stolen the very thing that he follows the most, the thing that pushes him through all the turmoil and the pain, but also pushes him to the happiness that he so often experiences.  She who had given him endless amounts of this happiness, through their various romps and activities that they had shared.  She who had told him she loved him.  She who had stolen his heart from him, from right under his nose, on one fateful night, and never gave it back. 
But on this night, which had now turned into morning, she had left it teetering on the edge of the table.  Sometimes edging toward the frigid, solid ground, which shatters all the dreams, hopes, and loves.  Sometimes leaning towards safety and stability, which is where the heart truly belongs.  They had had so much, and in such little time, that it seemed that maybe they were invincible to things like this.  But distance, something that is supposed to make love stronger, had only edged them slowly apart. 
He lies there still fully convinced that he is in love with her.  She lies there knowing that he’s still in love with her.  He lies there knowing the doubt that creeps in her mind.  She lies there knowing that a certain amount of love has been lost.  The thought of this pangs at his heart and makes it ache. 
But he understands, oh does he understand.  But the thought of never having her in his arms again pains him to the verge of tears, which he holds back.  “Why did I let her go!” he screams to himself in his head.  It pounds in his brain knowing that much of this is his own fault.  Knowing that once again he could’ve messed up something better, and deeper than just a high school crush.  He knew that it was a mistake.  But he thought and hoped that their still might be time for revisions and decisions to be made.  And as he sat there and thought, he knew that sleep would not come that night.  Not, at least, until he knew. 
         And as he had spoken to her, he could hear the doubt in her voice, a doubt which stabbed at his very being, bringing him thoughts that he could not bear to hear in his own mind.  But doubt often speaks the truths that we must bear to understand, even though we cannot bear to hear them.  And as he lay there that fateful night, he foresaw the end of the things he had cherished the most.
He knew what the answer was before it was even spoken to him.  He had had his chance and had wasted it yet again.  She wasn’t his anymore and he couldn’t bear to live with it. Her heart lies elsewhere and he couldn’t bear to know it.  He looked back in time, but couldn’t bear to see it.  She would have to tell him that it could not be, and he couldn’t bear to hear it. 
He knew that there was a time for revisions and decisions, But revisions and decisions had already been made.