A hungry girl is an angry girl!

I loathe Linux. I'm officially the first Linux hater that doesn't despise it just because I'm indoctrinated by Windows – I'm not. I detest it because it makes me a lame incompetent boyfriend dependent girl that isn't even able to operate her own computer. Linux is driving me up the wall!
My boyfriend convinced me to install Ubuntu. It was a leap in the dark, but I stuck my neck out because whenever I'm working on an important essay I forget to save it, and MS Office tends to crash when I'm almost done. I have to admit that Linux doesn´ t do that. But that's just because I can't even get the damned programs started! Before I can burn a CD, zip a file or watch a stupid movie – an official one, a DVD I bought in a store! – I have to call my boyfriend and ask him how to do this. And he can't even always help me! So here I am, frustrated on a Saturday night, with nothing to do except for hating my computer and despising the fact that I spent money on this DVD to no avail.
I abominate the procedure of calling my boyfriend for every computer related act I wish to undertake, especially since this means I have to take accountability for my desire to watch a movie when he thinks I'm supposed to sleep. I'm an adult and I should be able to do whatever I want whenever I want to. And the fact that I have to state this already makes me feel small. Linux makes me feel like a baby.
Of course I didn't take this lying down. I tried to find my way on the internet. I googled my problems and I surfed the relevant communities, but they can't help me. They tell me to reinstall Ubuntu. Are they kidding? They don't actually think I'm going to do that, do they? I'm quite sure that íf I would ever do anything about my OS myself, I would not go back to Linux. I would rather use a hammer and physically break my computer! At least I would know what I was doing and what results I could expect! I'm so angry! Why didn't they tell me that “Ubuntu, Linux for human beings” was just a slogan to point out that some nerds actually are human beings? I would have believed them before I was burdened with Ubuntu myself, but now the gap between human beings and computer scientists seems larger than ever. My boyfriend might say one man's meat is another man's poison, but right now I don't think Linux is any man's meat. I am a human being with normal interests, an adult with a wish of autonomy. I tried Linux, and it left me with my hands tied.
But I am no fool, I will wash my hands clean of this dirty business! I will no longer accept this domination of the geeks! Linux is a dead penguin to me!