This is what I'm Wondering

How cliché that a book would change a life? Strengthen a faith. My faith. But, then there are 2 books. What perfect order I read them too. Elizabeth Elliott's describes what faith really is. Not what it can be...what it is. Your faith is as concrete as "God does exist". It doesn't depend on mood or circumstance, mania or depression...it is there. Or, it can be if you choose it. Faith in God does not have to be contingent on what you are going through. It is an absolute. I remember when I heard a line of a song, "you are who you are, no matter where I am..." For someone as unstable as me, this grounded me. I need to know this...and I NEED to know that my faith and even the intensity of it, is as unchanging as the God of our universe. In my heart, believing this truth about faith, or denying it, is just as black and white as believing in God or denying him.
And in perfect timing, I received a book by beautiful, Mother Teresa. I probably don't need to go into much detail about her book and how reading it can change your life because of her devotion to servant hood...but it did spark something in me I was not prepared for. It is like; my eyes have been opened to a different world. This has sunk in:
We are here, in this broken, hurting, and dysfunctional world for such a limited time. Do you ever think about that? There is so much to do, undo, untangle...so many to feed, heal, house. Then, there is this heaven...the after death heaven...which is eternity to have everything that is good and holy. I have been wondering, why would I go after so many wants...even needs sometimes...now, here? Here, there is not enough time. My husband and I have been making some decisions to live this out. Some lifestyle choices we are surrendering and things we are giving up because we are choosing not to concern ourselves with something that we will have in plenty someday. I don't feel sacrificial, I don't feel like I am being cheated out of something, I feel like I will have the house of my dreams, clothes of my dreams, job of my dreams, traveling of my dreams, decor of my dreams..etc...someday. Do I really want to take the time and resources to build and accrue those things now? Not that I don't think we are to go after the desires of our hearts because God has built them in us for a reason for here, for now, but I am much more aware if it would take the energy I could have used for intentionally building the kingdom.
This has truly blessed me. I worry less. Less about how to decorate my house, how to dress, what to get my degree in...I have so much more peace in focusing on the kingdom rather than my life. And do you know how amazing our Father is? In the midst of this, you would not believe how He has taken care of us: providing our needs...and yes, our wants...things, fun things; things that maybe serve no purpose but to make us giggle and contemplate how much He really loves us. But, He GAVE them to us…which means far more to me then if I had gotten them for us.
I believe this has its perfect timing in us. Until now, I don't think we could handled not focusing on our life-and making it be better, feel better...there was so much that was unhealthy, so much we needed healing from, so much undone. It is not finished now, I am not "completed" but I have so much more trust in God to surrender (do I dare say again) my entire self...for serving this kingdom, his, not my idea of his. Elliot’s book was a major contributor in providing us with this pivotal faith moment. What we will do here for the kingdom, it will not die, it will not fade it will continue on for eternity.
“Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Luke 12:33-34 (NIV)