A Long Strange Trip

A cold day here in the Bronx. Last night I heard the roommate come in.  I have never seen him.  In six weeks he has not come here.

Last night at three o clock in the morning I heard him walking around, putzing around in the kitchen, going to the bathroom, watching TV, an Arabic station.

This morning his door was closed, I guess he was sleeping.  I went about my normal business, had to go to Brooklyn to pick up some more clothes, pots and pans, etc.

The storm started on the Belt Parkway, ice pelting the windshield.  Now it is late afternoon, getting dark.  The snow has already begun to stick, and the streets are a mess of white snow and clear ice.

I knew it is probably not the best living situation, and I  find myself laying low, fearing the super and the neighbors, who are likely to ask me questions.  I have turned into something of a criminal and outlaw in the last few months. I've lived in dubious sometimes shady living quarters.  I am divorced, which in my family and in my religion makes me at best pitiful, at worst a criminal.

But I have begun to feel a teensy bit of happiness here.  I have my writing, I read.  I cook and watch strange programs on cable.  At night I look out over the neighborhood and ruminate on what got me here in the first place.  I talk on the phone.  And then in between everything, I smoke cigarettes and actually savor them.

Not for me the excitement of Manhattan, that frenetic lifestyle.  I suppose the city dwellers fancy themselves a bit above the average, a bit more cultured, more traveled, more competent, better dressed, more moneyed than the rest of the country.

But they can have their rush hours and dirty trains, crowded streets, and tall buildings.  i look further, I set my sights on greater America, Europe, Asia, places I have not been, places yet to be explored. 

I am not old yet.

Another night.  More clumsy practice at being a thirty something woman alone.  I become more self-sufficient, I don't cry for the attention of a man.  The holidays are coming and I will travel south to see my nieces and nephews, brother and sisters, cousin, friends.  2007 has been a strange journey.  A long strange trip..