The Rain

Everybody has times when they can feel guilt like it's the weight of the world. Those moments can haunt us for the rest of the world, or can teach a lesson that we start to use everyday.

As kids we don't know what's going on all the time. We just don't understand that something is wrong and shouldn't be done. Understanding it all now, I look back to my own dark day of solitude in the world. When my friends and I were just kids we liked to swimming at The Falls out by the lake. Just a simple fifteen-foot cliff with a little waterfall next to it. It was a shining bright day, but looking back I can feel cold rain, and hear it drumming.

We would take turns jumping or diving off. As a joke we would push one another closer to the edge for a good scare. Under the main part of the cliff was a slab or rock just big enough to sit on or whatever when you were coming back up the hill. Complex in it's simplicity it was our place of refuge, our haven in a world that had long forgotten the meaning.

There were four of us that day. One in the water and one getting ready to jump, the other and myself were sitting down talking. We thought it would be funny to push our friend close enough to the edge that he could jump off without a problem; we decided I should do it. When I pushed him the scream he made I can only describe as something like hearing fear in it's vocal form, I still hear that sound, singing to me to dance to a song that will only end in my own suffering.

He fell in with his back down, an image only as graceful as an accident can be from someone else’s eye's. His feet hit the rock slab with the sound of crunching flowers, I watched in silence as the rose colored water blossomed up in a sick reminder of the summers spent there.

We learned later that he died from a hit to the head from a rock on the bottom. Talking to the parents or family of a person you killed isn't what you think it would be, it's more like talking about your death at the hands of another. I still can't find a happy ending in a story only filled with tears.

At night I feel myself drowning in a watery grave that isn't my own. A never-ending scream is all I ever hear. I feel myself fall the way he did that day so long ago. I haven't known the sunshine since that endless moment when my life was changed and his was taken away.

My mind has barricaded me with the pounding rain that is constantly eroding my every thought and feeling.




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