REDEMPTION

REDEMPTION
By: Josh Bovard

Feeling the icy blade slide over my wrist as I slowly pull it back to heal my pain and suffering, revealing my true self slowly as each drop of blood splashes on the floor. All the hurt pours out of me one drop at a time.

As I was falling to my knees, my life flashed before my eyes, showing me the good times and the bad, the happy and the sad. As I laid there on the frozen ground and my life was ebbing from me, I could hear a voice asking me, "Why? How could you do this to me?" It was my mother crying to the Lord asking Him how He could take her baby from her as young as he was.

I felt a cold pair of hands on my shoulders trying to bring me to my feet. As I look up, I see my dead great uncle staring down at me asking, "Why have you done this to yourself?"

I look up at him and try to speak, but for some reason I can't. He just looks down at me with a frown on his face. He doesn't speak to me; he tries to show me something, but I can't see or hear.

I stand up and try to look around, but I see nothing, only darkness. There is no light where I am and no one can hear my cries. I close my eyes, thinking when I open them again, I will see someone I know. But, when I open them all I see is people hurting and I hear their screams in the distance. Am I dreaming or is this place real?

No! I am not dreaming. This place is for real. It is called Hell. Because I killed myself I will be here for an eternity. I will feel the suffering over and over again. I will not die again, because I am already dead.

I am burning in Hell, because of my selfish actions. I took a life when I was alive. My own life. I put took it in my hands and crushed it until there was no more me left.

I am here burning in my own pain and sorrow, and there is no one to feel sorry for me. I caused this on my own; I did this to myself. I caused my family a world of sorrow and misery.

Is there any redemption? Can I return to the place where I caused my own death? Is there a reason why I thought I should punish myself and my family by killing the only thing left in the world that was me? My soul. Now I am forever lost in a time capsule rotating around in Hell.

Can my soul be rescued from the torture I am in? Is there something I can do to return to the place I died so I can tell my family why I committed this haneous act and put punishment on my soul? Can I be once again reunited with my family again?

Will Heaven's gates open up to me, and let my soul in if I truly believe in God Almighty? If I believe He is the only one who can get me out of this misery, will I get set free?

No one truly knows how powerful God really is until you truly believe in Him and trust he will get you out of any bind you may be in.

Can He release me from this prison I am in for eternity, burning and screaming, feeling this pain and suffering I caused my family to endure? As they mourn for my soul to return, I think about how I was once a beloved child growing up in a poor family. I had a brother and a loving sister, but now because of what I've done I have caused them to lose faith, in themselves and in God.

My loving mother and my father go to my gravesite to lay flowers there every Sunday. I can see them walk away with tears in their eyes and tissues in their hands.

I pray to God; I spend my time in Hell begging and pleading for Him to let me come to Heaven or go back and change my past, so I can be there for my future.


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God finally lets me come home to Him, he opened His arms to me as I walked through the Pearly Gates. I could no longer hear the screams for forgiveness, only angels singing and playing their harps and horns to tell the others there is a new soul set free from Hell. It has walked through those majestic and beautiful gates.

I could not express the feelings which came over me as I walked through beautiful flower gardens. I watched as butterflies and humming birds fly from flower to flower, stopping at each and every one, as if trying to tell me something I did not know.

I ran through endless gardens. As I was running and singing, I ran into a very smart and handsome man who looked familiar to me. As I looked at him, I realized he was my loving great uncle, whom had helped me to my feet when I died.

I told him, "I thought I would never see you again."

"But here we are," he said, "standing in the most beautiful gardens in the universe."

"Wow!" I said, as I looked into his great big eyes. He was smiling down at me.

As he smiled, I saw him as myself when I was younger, he looked at me and said, "You want to meet the rest of the family?"

"Sure," I answered him, as we walked toward a crowd of people standing under a huge tree in the gardens. I saw a man I thought I would never see again. He stood there holding the hand of the most beautiful young woman I had ever seen. Her name was Gertrude. It was my great grandmother holding the Lord's hand.

She watched as I walked up with her son, Bill, my great uncle. I felt a small tear roll down my cheek as I ran to hug her once more. She was so beautiful and she wasn't in any pain anymore as she was when I saw her last. She was so at peace.

Finally, the family was back together for me. Uncle Bill, Uncle Russ, Grandma Gertie, Grandpa Wesley, Grandpa Willard, Uncle Bob, Aunt Jean, Aunt Vern, Uncle Jim and many more. My Grandpa Dave's side of the family were there, too. My Great Grandpa Verle, Uncle Kenny, Aunt Teed, and Uncle Quiney and many more. Family I had never met or heard of, all there to greet me. They were cheering, clapping, and crying with joy that another family member had been accepted into God's Heaven.

The flowers smelled so wonderful; roses, tulips, sunflowers, dogwood, and many more scents swirled around me. Trees and bushes of multi-colored beauty were everywhere. I had never beheld such miraculous color. Animals were all around, streams were full of gorgeous fish.

There was one tree in particular Grandma Gertie wanted me to see, it was huge and lush with wonderously colorful leaves. She told me it was our family tree and it was perfect. I was amazed.

This was a paradise I would never want to leave. A haven of wonderous beauty and peace.



Note: I lost my great grandmother on December 7th, 2007. She was a big part of my world, of my family's world. I will never forget you Grandma Gertie. I never got to say good-bye before she past away, but I know she knew I loved her.

She will be in my heart for all time, and I will see her again. I will never have to say good-bye, because I will never lose her again.