Please Send Money!

Please Send Money

Dear Mom and Dad,


I know it’s been a while since you herd from me, but you know I’ve been busy running my cattle ranch. However, something has happened that has slaughtered my finances and branded me financially bereft.

It all happened when I hired a beefy ranch hand , Fuerte Vache. He applied for the job, had wonderful credentials, and he was very handsome.

Fuerte was udderly competent for the first few weeks, then odd things started happening. One by one, my prize Guernsey cattle began to disappear. I decided to hire some detectives to do a steak out; I wanted to believe Fuerte was not responsible for all the disappearances.

For three weeks, they prodded around my ranch, receiving tips from my neighbors. I made pies for the detectives, as I milked them for information. After three weeks and no results, I determined they were full of bull and fired them. I was losing too much money.

By that time, Fuerte and I had developed a relationship. We were doing fine, until he started ribbing me. I was a few years older than Fuerte, but when he told me “You’re pasture prime!” I became upset and knocked him to the ground. He charged at me and I backed away yelling “Hay, Chuck,” Chuck was my pet name for him; “You better not do that, because I‘m pregnant, and you‘re the fodder!” He spun round a few times, then fell to the floor in a dead faint. After that he gave me the cold shoulder.

I found out Fuerte had been stealing the cattle all along. Flanked by my other two ranch hands, he devastated most of my stock. I had to sell off my gold bullion just to make the mortgage payment. I had to hock most of my belongings!

Which brings me to the heart of the matter. I need moola... badly. My calves are swollen, due to the pregnancy, and it’s hard to tend my ranch, or steer my tractor.

I’m in a real stew here, please help!

Your daughter,

Hereford