Silent Consent

I pray for security, safety, respect, and honorability. The silence of consent rules me and I should be ashamed, instead I am excited that you can find any desire to be with me. You make me feel and that terrifies me. Safety and security I fear. I am not sure I can do this, I lust and that terrifies me as well. I hate that being with you makes me forget about being me. I am not afraid of love as while I love you I am not in love with you. Feeling loved though, that is a feeling I could fall in love with. I am more me and more not me when I'm with you. I don't know how to be that. The combination is frightening so somehow I must learn to control my lust and not allow myself to feel loved. It's only safe this way.