Utopian Family?

  I wonder what it's like to be a part of the perfect family.  The hard working father who you can talk to about almost anything.  A mother that you know will always be there for you.  And a big brother that picks on all his siblings but is a good idol for them.  But, does a perfect family really exist?  The family that has fun vacations, memorable holidays, and family reunions.  I definately wouldn't know.  I've honestly never had a perfect vacation, any memorable holidays, and I've never even been to a family reunion.
            I love spending time with other families.  Basically because I hate mine.  I would have to describe mine as irregular.  A father that nice to everyone but me.  A mother that basically called me a mistake and left me with my father to marry some rich guy.  And I can't forget my pot smoking, alcohol drinking, bad temper brother.  Now thats what I call irregular.
            It all started with my parents divorce.  I was 5 and I could care less of what was going on back then, but I didnt know it would affect me in the long run.  They stupidly decided to still live together for a reason that I have no idea.  Maybe because they were too poor to live apart or maybe they wanted to try to give me a normal life, which that didn't work out too well.
            I was a daddy's girl up until puberty.  He would always take me to the race track and played video games with me.  I remember one day when I was totally happy.  My father brought home a super nintendo.  I was fantisized and ended up playing with it for hours on end.  Sooner or later I changed from a tomboy that climbed trees and played in the dirt to a young lady who started liking boys and wanted to go shopping.  I would ask my dad to take me shopping once in a while and everything always seemed to expensive to him.  Our relationship was rekindled when I decided to take up bowling.  At first it was all fun in games, but then i started getting good.  I began bowling in tournaments and even winning some trophies.  It was all down hill from there.  Now I wasn't perfect and I did have some bad games, but everytime I would, my dad would always have something negative or smart to say about it.  Most fathers would shed some positive light, encouraging them to try better next time.  Not my dad.  "Man, you really sucked today," He would tell me.  These days we barely even talk.  And when we do, he always has something rude to say.  He never asks me, how is your day or tells me I bowled good.  He never says sorry when he makes a mistake or thank you when I decide to make dinner.  It makes me sad sometimes to know that our relationship we had is gone.
              My mother is a different story.  She's the typical asian mother.  She's a clean freak and a greak cook.  Of course I would get mad a her when she would constantly tell me to clean this or clean that.  But I loved her and will always love her.  She was there for me when I ran crying to her when my dad was mean.  She always made a home cooked meal.  The house was always clean and once in awhile she took me shopping.  But one day my mom told me she had found someone else.  His name was Victor and he lived in Australia.  Of course I knew he was rich because money has always been her thing.  She was a constant gambler throughout my childhood.  From bingo to blackjack, she played it.  I was talking to my mother one day when i was about 16.  I dont remember what we were talking about, but all I can recall is her saying I wasn't suppose to happen, that I was a mistake.  It still affects me today.  She moved out when I was 17.  At first I felt free.  I didnt have to hear her nagging me all the time anymore.  But slowly, I came to realize that I would have to start growing up and start cleaning the house, doing my own laundry, and cooking my own meals.  She still calls once in a while, but she'll never have any idea how much pain she has caused me.
                Loser is how I would describe my brother.  He's 36, married and has two kids.  He has no college degree, lives in an apartment, smokes pot, and drinks on a daily basis.  Not exactly the big brother role model I was hoping for.  We barely talk because he can't take anything I say seriously.  He seems to bring out the negativaty in everything.  He drinks and drives and even tried to get in a fight with me.  I don't know what else to say about him.
                The only person I have really loved with all my heart and soul is my boyfriend Joseph.  We've been together for more then three years now.  He knows me inside and out.  He's been there for me when my mom left and when my dad decides to be a asshole.  If I didn't have him I don't know what I would do with my life.  That he doesn't know.  He also doesn't know that I cry sometimes when I think about my mother calling me a mistake and when I think about what will happen when my dad dies.  He simply doesn't know how much I love him.
                As for my life now,  I'm 19 and still living at home with my father and my boyfriend.  Some days are better than others.  I feel like a housewife sometimes.  I do majority of the cleaning and cooking for me and Joseph.  My dad has his own room and bathroom he cleans and he cooks his own food.  I sometimes wish I had the perfect family, but I know its not going to happen until I decide to start my own family.  So for now, I live day by day, hoping things will turn around for the better.