The First Resolution

The lawnmower next door sounded like a 757 taking off directly over her house. Nora rolled over, clutching her head and squinting against the harsh, unforgiving sunlight. There was a buzzing in her ears and she felt like her head was going to explode.

Nora looked around, for a moment not remembering where she was. Then, it all started to come back to her. This was at her parents' house. She was home from her freshman year at college for winter break. And despite her being home, the parents had already made plans to celebrate the new year at a friend's party in the city. Feeling bad, they had practically begged her to invite some friends over.

The only two stipulations were no boys and no alcohol.

Nora looked at the empty beer bottles scattered around the living room and a shirtless Bobby Lockyer passed out on the couch, drool staining the upholstered arm that served as his pillow. Guilty on both counts, it seemed.

Collecting the bottles from the living room, Nora figured she could get everyone out of the house and clean up before her parents came home in a few hours. Moving into the kitchen, she gasped, dropping the bottles she held, which clattered on the hardwood floor, one of them shattering and sending glass fragments sprawling across the expansive floor.

Nora's mouth hung open as she surveyed the damage... empty cups and snack food remnants everywhere. Scratches on the hardwood flooring. Broken picture frames and family mementos. An overflowing trash can, with more trash piled up around it. Bras and panties hanging from the ceiling fan. A dark stain on the wall that elicited a shudder when she tried to remember what caused it.

This place was going to take hours to clean.

A dejected Nora forced herself out of her hungover stupor and tried to think logically about this. The first thing she had to do was get everybody out of the house. She moved back to Bobby Lockyer and gently shook him, but he was out cold. There was no time to waste, so she grabbed him by the waistband of his shorts and yanked him off the couch. He landed on the floor with a thud, groaning as he slowly came around.

She tossed him a nearby shirt which she assumed to be his. "Sorry Bobby, but it's time to go."

Bobby tried to squeeze into the shirt, which was about three sizes too small and sported a "girl power" message. He was about to protest, but Nora hurriedly rushed him out the front door, slamming it on his ass.

Now to get rid of any other stragglers.

She moved through the ground floor. Living room? Check. Dining room? Check. Dad's office? Clear.

Nora was beginning to feel a little better about her situation when she opened the door to the bonus room. Then suddenly, she wished she hadn't. Julie Nichols was on her back on the pool table, topless with her skirt bunched up around her hips and her legs splayed in the air, as the heavyset Ron Bergman squeezed between them. Both awkwardly gyrated against one another, oblivious to the fact that anyone was watching.

"EWW!" Nora screamed, unable to keep quiet.

Ron's eyes went wide at being caught in the act. He immediately stopped and fumbled to get off Julie as she reached for her bra.

"Get out of here!" Nora yelled.

Julie and Ron quickly hurried from the room, trying their best to throw their clothes on as they made their escape.

Nora couldn't believe she had just witnessed the former homecoming queen giving it up to the kid who had been known pejoratively referred to as "The D&D Geek" all through high school. And on her parents' pool table, no less. Yuck.

Moving through the rest of the house, Nora quickly tried to usher out the other party goers who had crashed in the various rooms.

"Nick, get out."

"Hit the road, Jim."

"Get out of here, Amy."

"I don't even know who you are, but you're not staying."

Once the human element had been taken care of, it was time to focus on the larger task at hand. Cleaning.

Tossing out all the empty bottles and cups was simple enough, even if the bags piled up outside did make it look like a recycling center. If she had time, Nora would figure out what to do with those... or at least come up with a plausible reason for why her parents were suddenly putting out two hundred empty cans and bottles.

Nora looked around the place. With the trash thrown out, the place looked much better... dare she even say, salvageable. She surveyed the remaining damage and tried to decide what to do next. Then she smelled something.

Her nose wrinkled in response to the foul smell. She sniffed at the air again, finding it just as unpleasant the second time. Following her nose, Nora searched for the source of the odor. Eventually, she found her mother's vase collection... which someone had gotten sick in. Nora recoiled, not even knowing what to do about that atrocity at this point.

Her head began to throb again. She felt a monster migraine coming on, but she didn't have time to stop and take something for it. Her parents were going to be home in a few short hours and if she didn't have this place spotless by the time she got back, she might as well start looking into joining a convent... because it would take a miracle for her parents not to tear her apart.

Two hours later, Nora was scrubbing the hardwood floors in the kitchen. She had already gone through the unpleasantness of cleaning up the bathroom, in which several people had missed the toilet... and the bedrooms, which contained an untold number of used prophylactics... and the living room, which had stains on the carpet and upholstered furniture that Nora would just have to pray had been scrubbed enough and were faint enough to avoid immediate recognition. She could always play it off as being an old stain, or an accidentally-spilled drink... but she had enough revisionist history to remember as it was.

While Nora scrubbed the hardwood floors in the kitchen on her hands and knees, she heard a car pull into the driveway. Fear and pure, unadulterated panic consumed Nora, but eventually gave way to hopeless acceptance of her fate.

She sighed.

"My New Years' resolution is to have someone else host the party next year."


(1,092 words)