Kiira's Journal 5

Pain. Lots of it. Blinding, intense pain. That’s all I could focus on when I woke up this morning. Someone had left the curtains open, too, so the sunlight was shining through my windows and blinding me, literally. Blinded by sunlight and pain, it was a wonderful combination.

The doctor had prescribed me bed and rest for at least the rest of the week. Lucky for me that means no school. Unluckily for me that means no school. I bitch and complain about school as much as the next guy but at the end of the day, I get bored idling at home, especially alone. I tried reading for a time but that lasted approximately forty-five seconds before pain took over me so I had to abandon that. I tried watching TV, too, but the picture drilled my eyes and the sound hammered away at my skull so that went off.

Boredom settled in very, very fast. I just stared at the ceiling for a long time thinking about nothing except how much my head hurt. I don’t even think I hate anything. After the hours passed for what felt like an eternity, I heard the house coming to life with the arrival of Choi and Jason, my other ‘halves’. Before I could even try and sit up, the door flew open to reveal Hayo consulting a mock-chart. “So, how’s the patient today?” he asked me with a smirk. Of course, making fun of me, again. Sat down next to me to talk, like he always does.

I have never been so agitated and frustrated in my entire life! Lying next to him with one hand by my chest, the other by my thigh and him bent over me to keep his voice down and I can’t move! I don’t want to move and brush against him in case he moves but I don’t want to just look at his hands, I want to feel them and I don’t want to just watch his lips move in song or speech, I want to kiss them. I’m tired of feeling his kisses on my face, all over my face, but never on my lips. Its annoying me. I know he’s not really into me yet, he’s just ‘attracted’ to me right now and I know he's just getting over his last relationship so I don’t want to do anything incriminating. But, I can’t keep it platonic for much longer. I can’t sit around him like this for much longer before I make a very un-Kiira-like move.

I was able to brush off most of my weird hesitations to Hayo as simply pain in my head slowing me down. But really, it was daydreaming. He told me he was fighting with his parents, could he stay here? Yes. Yes he could. I’ll give myself Benadryl and knock myself out before I do anything wild. Or maybe a concussion’s a good halt to your daydreaming. Thinking about it doesn’t hurt but I keep reminding myself not to move. If I move, pain comes up to whack me again.

He did it again, stripped and lay down right next to me before pulling me back against his chest. I just prayed that he couldn’t feel my heart, though I’m sure that it was pounding worse than a drum played by a six-year-old and probably as hard, too. Lucky me I could just pass off my distance and stiffness as concussion-related so he didn’t probe much farther. But if he sat up, he’d see the blush spreading from my cheeks across my entire face. He fell asleep before I did, again, which was good because I could finally relax against him. But, of course, the minute I manage to calm myself and relax, he tightened his grip around me, pulling me closer. Cue the return of the blush.

Despite my extreme exhaustion from the concussion, I was having some trouble falling asleep. My heart was still racing and I could hear my heartbeat in my ears reminding me of exactly how fast my heart was beating. I was painfully aware of his soft breath on the back of my neck, even and deep in sleep. I was also very aware of the hand on my stomach, slowly sliding down towards my hips as he fell into deeper sleep. I closed my eyes, mainly to deter my heartbeat and the swirling pain in my head, and just let myself daydream. Well, night-dream is a more appropriate term. I let myself indulge in thoughts of his hands on me in a more conscious and aware setting. Thoughts turned to daydreams and soon the daydreams turned to genuine dreams, though the content didn’t change much, just added a few fantastical elements like only dreams can do.