Maybe I Should Just Get You a Gift Card

Dear Writer's Cramp,

         I write to you in search of inspiration. You see, I have a dilemma. As you may know, you are six years old today. How exciting! Unfortunately, I have only known you for two days. I'm still learning to do this writing under pressure thing. So how am I to wish you a happy birthday?

I'd like to write a sonnet all in praise
Of everything thou'st tought me how to write.
The problem: I have known thee but two days--
I'm at a loss, endeavor though I might
To make it clear how much you've tought me how to do in such a short space of time, and how I--

Oops.

I suppose I could write you some limericks--
No, to that I have to say, "Fiddlesticks!"
         For I know in my heart
         That I'm missing a part:
What more is there rhyming with "limericks"?

Some couplets perhaps would be nice.
I think two or three would suffice.

Don't know where this will go;
I envision--Oh, no!

Could I make the same mistake twice?

Now, good old Writer's Cramp, I know you know more about this poetry thing than I do, but I thought I was writing couplets. What did I do wrong?

Huh?

Oh! You mean the number of syllables actually matters?

I think I'd better try something without a fixed rhythm.

Aha! Free verse!
I've got it this time!
I'm ready; I'm writing; it's working!
But I have this odd feeling that something is lurking--
Oh, no! What could be worse?
I'm still writing in rhyme!

What about an acrostic?
Remember those poems they made us write in elemtary school?
Iguess you weren't there.
That's right! You're only six years old!
Explanation: Each line starts with a letter in the words Writer's Cramp,
Right? So the next line would start with
'

You knew that was coming! You just wanted to see me make a fool of myself, didn't you? Well, I'm smarter than you. I'll prove it!

I bet you've never heard of a villanelle.
Okay, I only found out this morning;
But I'm learning it now, and it suits me quite well!

I'm beginning to like it; I think I'll excel,
But I can't seem to figure out why--
I bet you've never heard of a villanelle.

Now, just you wait a minute! I thought I already said that! I made my point already--I don't need to say it again in the second stanza! Is it even called a stanza?

Now, I don't want you to get the wrong impression, Crampy. I'm a pretty good poet when I have something to write about.

What I really need is a great idea. I'll go to Writing.com to see what your prompt for today is. Surely you couldn't make me do anything as impossible as this!


475 words


Happy Birthday, Writer's Cramp!