Download This!

"I can't believe it! I'm alive! I'm alive! Wish I could say the same for my ship... that's going to take some fixing before I can make it home. Hmm... wonder if this planet is civilized?"

Good afternoon, Tony. This planet is very much civilized.

"Huh? Who said that?"

I did, Tony. Down here.

"Oh! Well, you're a tiny little thing, aren't you?"

Size is subjective. Welcome to our planet.

"How are you talking to me without moving your lips?"

Over the eons, we've learned to communicate telepathically. It's much more convenient.

"Doesn't that mean you can read my mind?"

That's the whole idea, Tony. Our race perpetuates itself by assimilating the knowledge of other races... with or without their consent. I see you're thinking about your wife back home. She's quite lovely.

"Hey. Don't go there."

I'm afraid you don't have any choice, Tony. Once we've finished downloading all your thoughts and memories, we'll find your homeworld and assimilate your family and friends, too.

Now, now. No need for such nasty thoughts.

"You think that's nasty, little man? Well, while you're in there, you might as well get a glimpse at these!"

Oh! That is vile! How can you think such obscenities?

"Obscenity? You should imagine this!"

Aah! Those creatures are sacred on this planet!

Is that even physically possible?

Okay, that's just plain wrong.

"You think that's bad, just wait until I really get going! I heard about this video the other day..."

Enough, enough! You win. Keep your disgusting thoughts to yourself.

"Well, I'll be out of here soon enough. Just have to wait for them to pick up my homing beacon and fly out here. That going to be a problem?"

Not at all. Please just stay where you are and keep to yourself.

"And you won't try to download my memories while I'm waiting here? 'Cause I've got nothing but time to just sit here and daydream..."

No! I assure you that your memories are your own to keep. I wouldn't wish the filth and impurity in your head upon anyone. Just stay away from us and we'll stay away from you.

"Fair enough. See you around."

Don't count on it, pervert.


(369 words)