the secret wishes

It was still dark, worm, early summer morning, the air was so fresh form the generosity of mother nature. The roosters were making early in the morning sound. At the corner of well paved road with side walks comes another road unpaved, no side walks. That road looked so terrible it seemed was being neglected for so long. At that intersection was a biggest building in the that neighborhood standing few soldiers in front. They seem so unfriendly with big mustache dark skin you couldn’t understand what they were saying unless you understood Arabic. every time you walk by that building there was sense of fear present. You wouldn’t want to stair at them they could take it as a mock. It was government building which it was run by Sadam’s secret services. From direction of the neglected rocky road comes noise of footsteps of a family who walking their daily routine journey to the tobacco farm 5 mile out side of the town. They are well equipped with food, tea, good size cooler filled with ice, and four year old boy who is still sleeping in the arms of big sister. All the sudden I hear them talking, “here take him its your turn” that was my older sis telling my other sis and gently handed me over to her arms. I was half a sleep in a dream world and I felt so safe in the arms of my sisters, mom or some time dad carrying me to the farm with them they couldn’t leave me home by my self . Some times I was pretending I was still sleeping.
They were so dedicated to take on the challenges of that day. Family accommodation at the farm was room like a hut. 12ft long, 8ft wide, 8ft high. Dad built it during middle of June with mud, strong beams and columns that held the roof very well. We could sleep up top sleep over night at the farm. It was surrounded by moms garden, with many different types of flowers and basil that you could smell them yards away. 
But I felt the missing part of the family it was my brother the oldest in the family who attending college in Hawler University in Kurdistan north of Iraq.  I was very happy to see him time to time when he come home.  He was actually on the run for being part of student organization coordinating protests and other political activities against Sadams regime and its secret services. So he was staying even sleeping at the farm because it was the safest place to hide from being taken to unknown places that many were never being seeing again. Once and then amnesties were giving directly from Sadam himself for all students and other citizens who disobeyed his unjust rules.
Soon after 1990s even three of my sisters went to colleges and left the farm and home. After that our agricultural life slowly vanished.  Dad had to turned to other jobs to support the family.
One night that I can never forget there we were in our farm here it was me and college bro sleeping over at the farm. It was summer night, the sky was so clear that we could see every star and the milky way never looked so clear. It seem like great time for any wish we may want make. He was telling me thing that I wanted understand the meaning of them. He told me every thing is going to be ok, that he had a plan for him and me to go to Europe so he can finish his college without fear and worries and I go to school there so I don’t have to face the challenges that he was facing he said I can be very successful, then after seven years we will return back home.
Then It comes 3/5/1991 that changed every thing. The hole town was fed up from running, hiding, disappearance of their brother, fathers, and oppression. That rainy day everyone include fathers, brothers, moms, sisters, who couldn’t hide anymore took on the streets attacked government buildings and secret services, military and who ever affiliated with them. Our home was so close to the that giant looking dreadful government building.  I remember one of my sister rushes home brought the news that mom didn’t want my big bro to hear.  All she said was the jail house which it was about six blocks from home was free. My big bro picked up the AK-47 with five round of ammo then ran out side like fear had left the town. Mom was screaming  her heart out to see bullets coming straight at my brother and three others who ran toward a military vehicle who wanted to break the crowd that gathered 50 yards away from that building. I remember a voice clearly yelling at me “stay away from that corner’’ when I looked there were tow men laying there it was very hostile corner. But I just want to see my brother and he was still running in zigzag corner to corner so fast that could hardly keep up. All I could see a lot of fire was coming out of his AK-47. Then I saw mom yelling and screaming there were all of my sisters right behind her, so were all the people of the neighborhood standing behind their loved ones who are now face to face with the most vicious solders of Iraqi army. The town was free in four hour from tyranny. I believe the scream of the mothers and sisters broke the spirit of those soldiers who were known for their barbarian acts. That day is known is (Ranniya Uprising) and it will never will be forgotten. I am forever grateful for that experience. Many people gave their lives that day, but it was small cost for freedom. Later that day I saw my brother with white wrap around his right hand he looked at me he said “its from my gun” the barrel had burned his hand from too much firing.  I will keep memories of that day in a special place in my heart. That was overcoming the greatest challenge  Kurdish people were facing.                                                                                                                                                                             
Now it was 3/211991 every city, town and corner to the top of mountains were all free including the heart and soul of Kurdish people the city of “Kirkuk”. 3/21 is also Nawroz Kurdish new year and the beginning of ice melting and starting of spring fresh waters streaming from every corner of the green mountains. 
Then I thought to my self the secret that my big bro had told me might have vanished as well. Because there was no need for hiding and leavening our homeland. The fear was gone. There were no longer soldiers of Iraqi regime and dreadful secret services patrolling our neighborhoods
The men with AK-47 were wearing Kurdish traditional clothing they were our freedom fighters who were long fighting and hiding in the friendly mountains against that regime. I would had only prayed  to the name of God and the sacred  name of Peshmarga.
I thought me and big bro will never have to leave home. We don’t have to go to Europe to have a successful carriers. We can just go to school here in Kurdistan. But it was his wish to see out side of the country and it was mine as well since he whispered to my ear so no one could hear it not even mom.
The irony is I fulfill that wish. December/ 12/ 1996 I left mom, dad,  six sisters, younger brother and my  whole world role model my big brother. He was holding me so tight, close to him for to long, dad reached his hands to our shoulders said let go its getting late now your brother has to leave now. I never had seen tears in eyes my brothers before, it was early in the morning eye couldn’t see eye there was only candles lit no electricity, but I could clearly see his tears  the last thing he whispered to my ear with the tears was” now you’re on your own, go find your self, make the best of it, may God be with you“. That morning I began my journey to the united states.

Soran Beg
Boston MA, [e-mail]

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