Xavier

         He came from a dog-fighting ring the cops had broken up in Ohio. I'm sure that when it happened it was all over the news and I'm sure I changed the channel when they even mentioned such a horrible crime. They had to put all those dogs to sleep because of how they had been trained but there was one puppy, not even old enuff to be weined, found in the back training kennels.

         Somehow, they slid the puppy into West Virginia to my local animal shelter. All of their animal shelter's were full and I guess someone really had hope for this puppy. They nursed him back to health and took him out around children to be sure his temper was mild. He grew into being a big baby.

         Something led me and my mom into the shelter that day. We had been talking about getting another puppy since my child-hood dog, Ruffy, had passed away from cancer after a full 15 years of life. Finally, we decided it was time to fill the void. We walked thru the kennels, looking at all the dogs. I wanted to take them all home, be their savior. I knew the hard truth that when the kennels got over-populated, some of the animals were put to sleep. To me, that was the most horrible reality. Why would you put an animal to sleep if there was nothing wrong with it? Why would you put an animal to sleep, period? It's a huge debate in our society to put even the most horrindous killers to sleep, so why would we even consider killing poor defensless animals for no other reason then over-population in a local shelter designed for saving them?

{indent]Obviously, I couldn't save them all. But in an outside kennel, with 3 other dogs, there he was just waggin tail... so hopefull that I would take him home. He was gorgeous, Rottweiler markings over his short fat body. He stood on bulldog legs, with a slight pit-bull build to his face. He was a cross-breed, a beautiful cross-breed, made for fighting but being raised to be better than that.

         The woman running the shelter told us about where he came from. Then she told us the story of what she witnessed herself. The outdoor kennel he was in had collapsed one night while no one was there. This dog, bred to be viscious, was found pulling the huge iron posts off of the other dogs stuck under them and barking uncontrollably at the door for someone to come help. He didn't run off to his freedom, or let the other dogs die under the weight of the fences. He stayed right there, rescuing every dog he could using brute strength until someone came.

         I spent my saved up allowance on adopting him. There was no way I could let him go. I knew he was ment to be my dog.

         Thru the years he became me and my mother's protector. We were two women living alone on a huge farm, and Xavier took the role of man-of-the-house. We always had signs that our house was haunted, but our instincts were confirmed by him. They say animals can see the super natural... the things we can't see. Xavier would spend the night standing over us as we slept, growling into the darkness. We may not have known something was there, but he sure did and made sure we were never harmed by it.

         When I was 17 I had a boyfriend who was crazy, literally. I won't forget the first time he hit me. Xavier was in the living room clear on the other side of the house. I guess my boyfriend thought he'd get away with it but Xavier's instincts were beyond compare. I ended up having to tear Xavier off of him. The boy went to the hospital and never dared come around me again.

         The things revolving around me getting thrown out of my mom's house still hurt me to this day, but the greatest pain of all is the fact that I couldn't take Xavier with me. He was my dog, and I had to leave him behind. I wasn't aloud at my mom's house or anywhere on the property, but some nights I would have my friends drive me up the hill and I would sneak over to see him. Covered by a veil of night, we would play for hours and I would hug him and cry telling him that one day I'd be back for him. I promised him I'd come back for him, but I never got the chance.

         One night when I snuck up to the farm to see him, he wasn't tied up outside. I figured Mom had left him in the house. Everytime after that when I'd go up there, he still wouldn't be outside. It wasn't until years later when my mom and I started talking again that she told me what happened to my dog.

         "He started attacking the animals... I'm sorry... He was a beast... He would break every chain we put him on... One morning he was gone, his chain broke.... And since he had that taste for animal blood... you know how the farmers around here are... I'm sorry, Dawnnisa... I'm so sorry..."

         I've never forgiven her for it. Of course, I can't say that to her for the sake of our rebuilt relationship that already skates on thin-ice due to our past. Honestly, her neglegence has killed quite a few of my animals that I have found a way to accept and forgive her for them. But I just can't let this go. He was my dog, my baby. He was more of a man to me then any boyfriend has ever been. He was my protector, my angel. I had given him this chance of life, to grow old together, but instead - he's gone.

         The tears are burning my cheeks as I'm writing this. Any animal lover I'm sure will understand my pain. It's a big difference loosing a dog to natural causes after you know they have led a full life then to loose a dog simply because of somebody's neglegance and unchangable circumstances. The worst part is the fact that I promised him, I SWORE to him that I would come back to get him. I promised him the bright lights of the city, I promised him we'd see the world. Now here I am, in my first ever apartment that I can call mine. And all I can think is that he is supposed to be here with me. But the only thing here is a mere memory and all these damned tears.



* All names and identifying information embodied in this story have been changed in the interest of privacy and/or security.




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