Totems

Totems 1, Seal


I shake back my mane of dark brown hair, and kick my feet in the water. The smell of salt spray permeates the midsummer heat. I look down at the water shining dark emerald green, with motes of sunlight stretching out just beyond the reach of my toes. I long to be beneath the waves, swimming through the golden flecks, with the ocean’s lovely coolness rippling over my body. But no; these clothes are too fine. They would be quickly ruined by the salt and sand. Moreover, I do not have time to shower the salt out of my hair. So, I am resigned to sitting here, dangling my feet, while I feel the sweat drip and the sun pound ruthlessly on my back. I sigh, drawing the sound out with self-indulgent pity. The rough hewn boards scratch the back of my half covered legs adding to my discomfort and feeling of disgruntlement. With another sigh, I lie down on the dock and observe the clouds pass by in the ever changing bright blue sky.


Suddenly I am startled out of my reverie by the sharp sound of a twig breaking behind me. I turn my head around so quickly that I feel a stabbing spasm of pain in my neck. I wince and start to rub the crick when I notice the tiny old man standing at the edge of the woods, just where the dock begins. His wrinkled skin hangs off his face in loose folds. His long, white hair floats softly about his face reminding me of freshly carted lamb’s wool.


I am momentarily too stunned to do more than take in this strange vision before me. Before I can decide if he is real or if I should be afraid, I see that he is walking slowly towards me, stooped against a fat walking stick. He smiles as he shuffles onto the dock. I jump up hastily, catching a splinter in my big toe in the process. He is obviously very old, and looks harmless enough, but you never know with strangers. He stops in front of me and begins to speak.


“Beautiful, isn’t it?”


It takes me a minute to realize that he is talking about the ocean. Looking out at the expansive scene before me, I have to agree with him. The sea is calm today, and seabirds are flying high, soaring on gentle air currents too far away for me to sense. In the distant haze that marks the mainland, I can see tall old growth cedar, standing majestically, their tops shrouded in mysterious fog. Particularly attractive to me is the water itself, rippling gently away from the shore. I turn my eyes away reluctantly as the stranger starts to speak again.

“You long to be a part of it, Seal.”


I resent the fact that he is stating my desire to be in the water as a fact, though I have to admit it is absolutely true. How can he possibly know what I am feeling?
I respond with a slightly impudent tone, “My name isn’t Seal, and I’m not supposed to talk to strangers.”


“Oh, I am not a stranger, Seal. I know everyone, …..the otter, bear, squirrel…all of my sisters and brothers. Many of your kind know me, too. In fact, you yourself know me.”


I scrutinize his features carefully, but there is nothing remotely familiar about him. Yes, I am sure that I have never seen him before.



“You have lost touch with your ancestors. You do not listen to your elders, who would teach you of the ways of your kind. You are of the woods, and the waters, and the skies. Let them become a part of you, and a great gift will be yours."



It takes a large amount of effort to stop myself from laughing out loud at this old geezer. Still, I want to believe him. Though soft spoken, he is compelling and I find myself considering what he said. I am about to reply but am distracted by splashing noises. I turn around and there, sticking its head out of the water, is a large Ring Seal. Its whiskers twitch as it scents the air and then swims boldly up to the dock. To my astonishment it comes halfway out of the water, huge eyes staring demurely up at me.
In those huge brown eyes I feel as if I am falling. All at once old memories, locked deep within, rush to the forefront of my mind. I remember that something like this happened before. There was a seal and something about a doctor lecturing me about rabies, and other diseases seals carry. I had been only nine then, and I didn’t think there was anything unusual about a seal approaching me in the water. I had been swimming in the ocean by our house, my mother on the beach watching. My mother turned her attention towards a magazine in her lap and did not see the seal that came up from the deep waters directly below me appearing within a few inches of my face. I remember stroking its head, and playing with it for almost an hour before my mother looked up from her magazine and noticed what I was doing. She dropped the magazine and ran down to the water screaming for me to get away from the seal. The frightened animal disappeared silently with only a ripple to betray her former presence.


Six years have passed and, until this day, I have not seen a seal up this close. Recalling the doctor’s warning and my parent’s stern cautions to stay away from wild animals, I begin to back away from the seal before me now. With some apprehension, I realize that my exit is blocked by the old man in my path.


“Seal comes to you because she is your totemic animal. She will not hurt you."


His words are somehow calming. I also realize that I don’t seem to have much choice in the matter. I have to go to the seal. I turn and slowly walk back towards the silky, dark animal bobbing in the sea. Limpid eyes stare into mine. I look more closely or perhaps I am looking more deeply. I realize that I am no longer seeing the sky reflected in the seal’s dark orbs. The scene revealed before me is a darker, murky green. I notice softly undulating kelp fronds. From this vantage I feel I am looking up instead of down, seeing silvery fish swim quickly by, and avoiding my hungry jaws. Somehow I have become the seal. When I look into the eyes of Seal, my totem, I see the world from her perspective. I feel both exhilarated and frightened, as if I am both expanding into a huge new universe and at once losing touch of who I am. I blink my eyes to avoid being sucked in further into this strange new realm.




With great effort I remove my gaze from the seal and turn to the old man. I am surprised to see that he has disappeared. I look up at the orange and red sky and realize, with a jolt, that the sun will soon be going down. The night mist is returning, and though the warmth of the sun still remains, I can feel the heat dwindling along with the light. I wonder how long I have been sitting here, staring into the strange seal’s eyes. Suddenly, I remember the party and realize that I must be very late. I rush to gather and put on my shoes. While my hands busy with this mundane task my mind reflects on what I have experienced. I knew I had seen a wild wisdom in the seal’s lucid eyes. I look up and note that the water is reflecting the last rays of the sun into my face. The seal is still with me, also watching the setting sun. She seems to know that I have to go and with what looks like remorse slowly turns and slips under the water. I wave goodbye to Seal, my totem and turn towards home. My family will be waiting in the village.