A twist on an old poem

RPJesus & Co, in association with Generic Inc. and Enigmatic Enterprises, Presents:
So Much Filler! (Vision fading...)

There once was a man from Nantucket
Who had a fish in a bucket.
But what he really wanted was a dog. And, since he had gone an entire day without making insinuations as to the origins of some ones mother, the omnipresent, non-denominational maker of all (continuity be damned!) decided to give him one. Unfortunately, they didn’t exist yet. Now, one may be wondering why, as the omnipresent, non-denominational maker of all (hereafter referred to as Ondma), s/he couldn't simply create them. So, in a first ever event, I, RPJesus Williamson Robert J. Cybercat297 Forthwright III, shall explain an inconsistency in my story without using "section missing". There are actually two explanations; one, shut up; and two, I’m typing this, so I can sway the story in any direction I like (i.e.: Bob ™, the malaria infested zombie werewolf begins to rise, and suddenly, to my surprise; (he does the mash) He does the monster mash. (The monster mash) It’s a graveyard smash. (He does the mash) It’s caught on in a flash. (He does the mash) He does the monster mash. See? Wasn't that a horrible and poorly worded waste of your time? Exactly, so stop interrupting.) Anyhoo, Ondma first gives this man a puppy-eating taco. This, however, doesn't last very long because, since dogs haven't been invented yet, puppies (its main food source) are in short supply. As such, it dies in a week. After this, Ondma gives him a pet rock. Unfortunately, pet rocks suck. Next Ondma gives the man an undead armoire. This ends.... badly, to say the least. After several successive failures (or is that failureive successes?) Ondma then decides to give him a wise cracking yet adorable talking bird. The man names this bird Fructose for reasons best left to him. After several happy months of frolicking and the like, Fructose and the man go to the park, where Fructose gets too close to a campfire and spontaneously combusts into carbon dioxide and water. This causes the man to be very sad for a variety of deep-seated and complex personal reasons best kept to my cat. Three years later, he buys a chia pet. He obviously didn't learn his lesson with the rock because, chia pets also suck. This leaves the man in a new predicament however. You see, after the delicious, delicious, death of Fructose; he lost his job and began living in a cardboard box. Well, to be honest he didn't exactly start living in a cardboard box so much as said box stopped being inside a house. But I digress (more than usual, anyway.) In any case, the money he had spent on his chia pet was needed for his electric bill, and apparently you can't return a chia pet if its been opened, used, cracked over a neighbors head, then hastily stuffed back in the box, lit on fire and hurled through a window of the store where you bought it. Who would've guessed? Luckily, Ondma invents the dog at that very moment and immediately gives it to the man. This makes the man very happy. Unfortunately he still can't pay his electric bill and his cardboard box is lost to the repo men. The man goes insane and wanders off into the distance muttering inanely to himself and lives happily ever after, depending on your point of view. And that's why clowns wear make up!