The Axe Effect

Why a 5 year old needs body spray is beyond me, but my son begged for it. I told him to take it up with Santa, and he did -- faithfully. So, ol' Santa came through. He got some Axe in his stocking this Christmas. He wanted it so badly because his friend Johnny, who is 8, uses it. And whatever Johnny does, Tanner must also.

One morning before school, I called Tanner to come get his shoes on. He yelled "Just a sec!" from the bathroom. I asked if he was pooping (I just wanted to know how long I was going to have to wait!)

"No," he said. He was fixing his hair. Well, I'd already brushed his hair, but he'd informed me that he could do better. So I walked into the bathroom, and there he stood, hair wetted down and comb in hand. He was combing it straight forward. After a few more swipes, he gazed at himself approvingly in the mirror and then asked:

"Do I look good?" What could I say? I lied and said it looked great, and okay, let's get your shoes on so we can go. But he wasn't finished.

"Wait!" he said. "I haven't put the gel on yet." So he applied his gel (which I didn't even know he had) and was finally ready - or so I thought. As we were walking out the door he stopped and said "Oh no! I forgot my Axe!"

Rolling my eyes and trying very hard not to be impatient with my preschooler's vanity, I watched him run to his bedroom to apply too much Axe. Axe is body spray for men, in case you didn't know.

"Johnny says to watch out when you put on Axe, because it makes the girls like you." Pause. "Johnny gots a girlfriend. You have to be cool to get a girlfriend."

"Oh yeah?" I said. "What makes you cool?"

"Axe," he answered simply. And with that, we finally left the house, in an aromatic cloud of "Phoenix" scented body spray.