... MY CEMENT SHOES ...

To express a complexity that has totally engulfed your entire state of mind is not as simple as something of little or no importance. It seems as though the more overwhelmed the mind is with a certain emotion the harder it is to express/overcome/solve/forget/change it. It becomes more difficult to know where to start, or even what the underlining point is, when your mind is plagued by an obstacle you never knew existed.



It has always been said to keep a strong body and an even stronger mind, but it is not always easy to just let life's difficulties take no effect. If you are unhappy with the situation you are in, there is only one question you must ask yourself.  Am I doing absolutely everything possible to make this better? Now unfortunately you have to be completely honest with yourself. If the answer is yes … well there is nothing to worry about. You know you are trying to better your situation with every ounce of your being. Just continue to put forth that same effort every day, and do all that you can to fix the problem. If it is still not fixed, you know you are doing all that you can possibly do. Easier said than done. Now if the answer is no … well then you already know what you should be doing to mend this situation.


Not to concern yourself with an ongoing ordeal that you know you are doing everything in your power to change, is a trait that most all of us would love to have. But the problem is still … well a problem, it hasn't been resolved and there is nothing you can do to change that. It is your problem but not entirely up to you to fix it. When someone else has made decisions that affect your world in a negative way, exactly how much control do you have to right the wrongs? The will to carry on is utterly decimated by the compounding pressure/trauma/tension of the same issue going unresolved every day. It's enough to cause insanity to creep into the darkest corner of your mind and slowly rot out all that you've known to be you. If not to that degree, enough to alter your reactions to the most mundane things in a way that would be perceived to be insane by others. Some might call it insanity; others could handle this in a number of ways. As seen for example, some people have made that one choice that is irreversible.  For the decision to cease to exist may have come from a sort of issue as this.


Being held responsible for a situation that you did not create, or have any leverage to change, is one that some of us will do the unimaginable to escape. Avoiding the issue is an easy fix, for a bit, then when it comes back around; you realize that in order to fix the problem you must face it head on. Actually avoiding it may cause more serious problems down the road.

I cannot express how much pain is suffered when one is incapable of correcting the pieces of their life that is keeping them from true happiness. To be stripped from your self-empowerment, to have the ability of correcting your mistakes shattered right in front of you is a setback you won't ever be ready for. This can cause you to become overwhelmed with emotions similar to being caged and tortured. Completely helpless, as if you can see your freedom faded faster than a single match in a tornado. And that's when it can go from bad to horrible to a living nightmare that has you spitting up blood when you think it couldn't possible worsen.

This essay might make a few switches go off when you read it, if you gain nothing from this, count yourself as one of the few who are truly lucky/happy. I envy this chapter in your life. In a short couple of moments all this shall pass and be left behind … maybe.