Letter To Gabby

Dear Gabby,
              
Hey it's me, Lulu..so i know pretty lame writing a letter to you right? Well never stopped me going to your grave and talking to you did it. It's not like you're even going to see this.
Guess we can't have any of those best friend talks anymore so i gotta do what i can to stay in contact with you...without looking like im crazy...which i guess this does. Ha, never mind.

So i don't really know where to begin..i've got a new boyfriend, his names Jamie. You'd like him, he's really sweet and nice to me, kinda like the guys you always fancied and the guys i could never get =] I dont really understand why he asked me out though, dont get me wrong, i do really like him, but it scares me a bit because i haven't gone out with a guy as great as him for a really long time and i dont want to loose him. Mum and dad are becoming a complete pain and they talk about getting divorced all the time and i guess sometimes i wish they would. Which is pretty horrible but it's the truth. To be honest ever since you died it felt like i was losing everyone around me. My parents got mad at each other, Ro died, my cousins died, my aunt died, my uncle killed himself and my sister went off to college. Kate, not rachel, she aint that old yet.

But not everything in life sucks though, i got into PHC, you'd be really proud of me. My new best friends there are called Krisi, Amanda and Mary. You'd really like them too, they're funny and they take good care of me. I've told them all about you, they've seen pictures of you and everything. In my purse i've got those pictures of us modeling when we were tiny, we were terrible! Lydz is still a good mate and Livi. I had this thing for a while with this guy called Will. Like i used to tell him everything and we were like best friends and then we kind of  ruined it by getting together. We broke up after about four days and he started dating a girl called Louise, who, i admitt, i hate but not because im jealous of her or anything, just because she's generally mean to me lol. I dont talk to him that much anymore and i miss him a lot.  You know it's weird whenever i seem to talk about him tears just flood out of my eyes and it's not like he's gone forever is it. I'm talking to him now and we have talked about how we've gradually fallen apart. He's told me how he likes me just as much as before and that he's glad he's not the only one that's thought that we've grown apart from each other. It's not that i fancy him, trust me, i really love Jamie but it's upsetting to lose one of your best friends you know.

Enough rambling about will, more about jamie. Even when i think of him my brain goes swirling. When you died i didnt know what to do for a long time, i felt like a part of me was constantly missing and nothing would fill it. I tried so hard to fill it with music and art and it never seemed to leave until i saw him and it's like he touched my soul. I dunno that sounds pretty weird..i just haven't felt this close to someone in a really long time i guess.

Have you ever wondered what marks out time here? If one life can really make an impact on the world..or if the choices we make matter? I think a life can change someone for the better, or the worse.

There's so many people in my life who feel upset or hurt or are depressed and i just dont know how to help them. I guess that's what's made me feel really upset lately.


Anyway i've been rambling for way too long now and i've got to go out soon so i'll come visit you're grave soon and such. I always think about you, every day i promise.

Love
Lulu x