An Audience of Zero

They spoke only in secret.  One would call the other only through a public telephone and each others’ number was saved in memory, not cell phone.  Their love was forbidden.  They were doomed the moment they sold their souls to a recording company.  And not just any one.  The same one.  If either was caught, they’d both be thrown out.

          An unavailable star is an unpopular star.

         But this was a love neither could deny nor ignore.  Both fought painful separation and guilt as well as the usual exhaustion from intense training.  Yes, people noticed both dragged more than any other singer who walked through the narrow halls of Diamond Entertainment.  But they were ‘the hottest stars of the century’ as voted by several worldwide magazines so questions regarding their health and sanity were swallowed. 

         He was a good find by the company.  His voice held all the emotion in the world and no other songwriter could stand against his poetic stories.  A beautiful, almost feminine face clashed perfectly with his well-toned body, creating an unearthly human.

         She, like him, was a gifted singer, focusing on powerful vocals instead of the usual poppy songs most artists sing.  Her beauty was unreal and those she glides by are convinced she floated straight out of a fashion magazine.  She was the envy and idol of every female in Asia.

         There they were.  The two most famous people on the continent, succeeding in singing, dancing, performing…anything built for show.  Anything that told the world, “I’m leading the perfect life and nothing is ever wrong.”  But when lights turn off and it’s time for reality, they lost. 

         Failed.

         They had a problem that nobody could help with.

         Almost every day, they’d pass each other in the hallway.  She would go to practice or learn dance routines and he would compose new music.  On the days where extra training wasn’t scheduled or there weren’t performances, trips to organize, photoshoots or meetings, one would nod to the other.  If the nod was returned, they’d meet that night on the practice stage on the far end of the company campus.  If not, God knows when they’d be available at the same time.

         The Nodded Days passed very quickly for both of them.  They tolerated harsh words and stress much better when they knew it’d all be okay that night.  And when it finally came, he was the one always waiting for her.  He’d be standing upstage center with a spotlight shining on him like an angel.  He’d smile at her and watch as she made her way to him.

         And then they’d embrace.

         It was the sweetest sensation either of them had even known.  Here was the one person who understood the exact same pains and struggled with the same things every day.  Here was the one person who had the same high expectations and feared just as much about not meeting them.  Here was the one person who wouldn’t sleep or even eat for over twenty-four hours because composing and practicing was more important.  Nobody else could even begin to imagine the mix of heaven and hell they went through.

         He always held her as close as he could so he could feel her breathing against him.  He loved supporting her drained form as she struggled to continue standing after merciless exercise.  Sometimes she’d shiver with fatigue and those were the days he’d rock her and sing gently so she could securely relax.  And when she did, he’d imagine holding her for the rest of his life.  He imagined walking with her beside a river on a warm day, or reading to her by the fireplace as snow danced leisurely outside.

         He, however, could only imagine until he had the option of denying his contract five years from now.

         She always found it hard to control herself when they were together like this.  She wanted to collapse.  She wanted to cry.  She wanted to laugh.  But she never did.  She knew he could read her.  That’s why he held her so tightly.  That’s why he told her it was okay, even when no other words were spoken.  She knew it was.  But it was better to hear him say it.  Even still, sometimes a tear would escape.  A tear of desire; of overwhelming lonliness; of frustration; but mostly of emptiness he wasn’t allowed to fill.

         He knew that.

         And he’d gently brush it away and tell her not to cry because it hurts him.
         That’s when the weight of everything crushed her and she’d bring his forehead to hers.  Trembling she’d tell him how badly she wanted him.  Him in real life and not in secret.

         He’d blink back his tears too.  And he’d hold her head to tell her the same thing.  This was the hardest part.  Both knew that if they kissed, they’d lose it completely.  They would lose themselves.  And their titles.  So they only held each other, weeping silently for a love they could not have.

         In front of an audience of zero, were they ever together onstage.
         In front of an audience of zero, were they ever real.