Memories

“I don’t recognize you anymore! Before summer began, you were larger than life!”
“Well, I’m not anymore! I grew up… Now I know what life, real life, looks like, while you don’t even have a clue!”
“Then talk to me, like we used to do… You can’t have changed that much in so little time! Only the summer is over, not us!”
“You’re right, the summer is over, I’ve been away, making new experiences, growing up. What have you done here all the time? Nothing! It’s time to get used to the fact that we’re not the same anymore and we can’t talk like we used to, ‘cause there’s nothing else to say. Eve, I’m not the optimistic guy you knew anymore. I stopped daydreaming the whole time because I know my dreams won’t come true… In fact, I don’t really know what my dreams are. The only thing I’m sure of is that we can’t be friends anymore. Our relationship changed... I realized you kept me from growing up for too long.”
“The confusion you feel is my fault? You’re unhappy and unsatisfied with your life and you blame me? It was you that wanted to go away for the summer to pursue one of your life-long dreams. I was happy for you going and making new experiences, but I never would have expected that you would blame me for the way we faced life until now!”
“I’m not blaming you! I’m just saying that I need a break from my old life; I need a break from you!”
Her eyes were shiny, filled with tears, but she didn’t say anything else. She just turned away from Dan and left. She’d been missing him a lot and now that he finally returned home, he didn’t even want to talk to her. What was happening? What on earth could have happened during the summer to change him so much? She really had no idea.
He was standing at the window, staring outside, hearing his front door slamming and watching her  leaving. Suddenly he felt incredibly empty… A part of him was missing. He realized she had been the most important thing in his life. All he had known for his whole life was this small town, his parents and her, the girl next door, his best friend. But was she still so important for him?
What now? He was alone. Even Kyra, a girl he met one afternoon while jogging in the park in Philadelphia, wasn’t with him now. Dan soon had discovered they had a lot of things in common and they soon had become good friends. She had introduced him to a whole new world, a world he never even had imagined could exist. He’d never forget all the parties, the days spent together with her friends, the whole new way of living she had shown him. Probably, or better surely, it was her who changed him so much. And how strange this could seem, he missed her, even if he had known her for only three months. He couldn’t help thinking of her blond hair, the blue of her eyes, the way she always laughed. It was different with Kyra, she knew him how he felt now, after all the changes. Or had he maybe been changed by her? She was so unaware of the life he had had until now and it made him feel really good being with someone who didn’t know him as well as Eve did.
         Finally he turned away from the window and lay down on his bed. He was so angry with Eve and, much worse, he was angry with himself, for being mad at her. She really hadn’t done anything wrong. It was him who hadn’t the heart to tell her that he wouldn’t finish high school with her. It was him who treated her like scum since he returned after three months. It was him who took out his frustration on her.
         There had been a time when no talking was needed, but now there was a lot that she didn’t know about him and about what he had done and he was kind of ashamed of telling her. He thought she wasn’t ready yet to hear what he had to tell her. She was the same, sweet, big-brown-eyed, optimist, daydreaming Eve, she’d always been, who was there to listen to what he had to tell her. And nevertheless he couldn’t manage to tell her what he felt.
         Maybe he was trying to protect her, but Dan  knew he had hurt her badly and pushed her away without a motivation. Sure, they had had fights before, but none of the ones he could remember had been that fervid, with such anger between them. But this didn’t impress him as much as the fact that her eyes were shimmering during their controversy. It may sound stupid, but he’d never seen her cry in all the years they had been friends.
That’s what he really needed, start anew to move on and grow up, without any connection to the past, or he would never make it. Even if it hurt like hell.
Dan took a deep breath and turned around on his king size bed, thoughtful. A new job had been offered to his mom in Philadelphia. That’s why he’d been there the whole summer, checking out a new school and flats. He had told Eve that he was going to be busy with some kind of work experience. He didn’t want her to worry or to tell him to stay for their last two high school years. He knew that he would have done anything to stay if she asked him. But somehow he felt it was the right thing to go with his mom. In addition to this he had had real fun that summer and he had already found a lot of people he went along very well with. Maybe now it would be easier for both him and Eve to forget each other. Even if he was worried about her. She was so pure and innocent and still had all her dreams. His mom had made him change plans and now he was completely confused and scared. He couldn’t have done anything else than to go with his mom. That summer he had realized how unfair life could be and how badly he wanted to grow up, only to decide for his own life.
The lights still off, silence around her. Her parents were still out and she was a total mess. Eve’s cheeks stroked with tears and mascara, her eyes puffy and red. It had been years since she last cried.
She was now lying on her bed, holding her baby-blanket tight, wanting to scream. “Why?” was the question she’s been asking herself since she ran out of Dan’s house, slamming the door. But she just couldn’t find an answer. He’d been mean and there wasn’t an apparent reason. She was sure he’d been holding something back, it was written all over his face, but she had no clue what.
He came home yesterday, but only today he called over at noon, saying just “Hi, I’m back” and “Talk to you later”. So she decided to crash at his’ that evening with some ice-cream and one of their favorite movie. When she asked him how his summer had been, he got nervous and changed subject. When she asked him again later, after the movie, he began to shout at her and they had a huge fight. She could see his light still on through her window, so she stood up and closed the heavy curtains. She was so mad at him and she didn’t know why he treated her like that. She just wanted to be nice and that was the way he welcomed her after three months they had been apart. What the hell was going on with him?



Dan had been accepted  at Brown University. He went to study there and didn’t see Eve again for many long years.
It was the week after graduation. The last two years hadn’t been easy. A lot of things had happened and he had experienced a lot of new feelings and sensations, and his aims and goals had now changed, but in the last time all he could think about was her. The girl he left behind. The girl with whom he had shared all his childhood and youths. The girl next door, Eve.
He’d left her behind and in a very bad way. Now he regretted it. He always thought they’d go to college together and then go back to the city they’ve grown up in, each of them with their own family, and that they would grow old together as neighbors. But now nothing of this was going to happen, because they hadn’t talked to each other for two years. Two years; it was such a long time.
The car was filled with the melody of “Far Away” by Nickleback. The lyric got to him right away: “…And I forgive you /For being away for far too long/So keep breathing/'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore..”. He turned his red Mustang into the driveway and turned off the engine. It had been mom’s “graduation and admission to the college” gift. Breath in, breath out. Dan looked at her friend’s house. Nothing had changed. Behind the white house, with ivy entwined around the eaves gutter, was the big garden with the old oak, on which they had built a house with her father’s help. It was still there, he could see it. He tried to repress the memories which came up, but he couldn’t. He also saw the river and the wharf. He couldn’t help thinking of the days when they sat on the wharf, breathing the fresh air, and simply laughing about something which wasn’t really funny. You could have such laughs only with her.
Dan opened the car door and slowly got out of the car, inhaling the familiar scents he hadn’t smelled for so long. That garden felt like home and had a relaxing effect on him. He walked by his car, around the house and into the garden. It seemed like no one was at home. He reached the wharf and step by step, he arrived at the end, where the old red-and-blue-striped boat floated, attached with just an old rope.
“Hey stranger!”
The sweet sound of that voice, he hadn’t heard it for so long. A smile came up on his face. A light breeze blew between the leaves of the old oak. Dan turned around slowly, fearing to be about to wake up from a nice dream and that everything was going to fade. But it didn’t happen. It wasn’t a dream. Eve was there, standing in front of him, smiling too. Her head bent light to the left. She pulled some hair behind her right ear with her hand, the silver bracelet hanging loose on her wrist. He’s seen her doing that gesture a million times. Her big brown eyes were smiling too, full of happiness and joy. They stayed immobile like that for a few moments, gazing into each others eyes.
A thousand words and feelings were like frozen in the air between them. Feelings none of them could express. Most of the words were questions, important questions that had waited to be asked for two long years, but they seemed so unimportant now. Everything was exactly like two years ago, as time were spinning back, and they were Dan and Eve again, the best friends ever. Nothing was complicated anymore and together they could do anything, no one and nothing could ever stop them. 
He blinked. She was even more beautiful than he could remember. Without saying anything Eve walked up to him and they sat down at the end of the wharf. Their feet swinging above the water. The sun shining on their faces was hot, but the light breeze was just perfect. Neither of them spoke for several minutes, trying to figure out what was happening and trying to define what they were feeling.
“I’m sorry”, Dan began slowly. “I should have told you I was leaving. I just didn’t have the guts to tell you. And I thought that this way it would have been less painful, for both of us. But it definitely wasn’t. I’ve been missing you a lot, but I was too ashamed to call you. I know I hurt you. I knew about my mom’s transfer just before school was about to finish. I lied to you. I went to Philadelphia to look for schools and flats. I thought about how to tell you, but I didn’t find anything in the end. I was angry about the situation, I was angry with my mom for the transfer and with myself for not telling you the truth. And then that fight happened and I left. You maybe don’t even want to sit here, listening to all this apologies that sound like crap even to me. I’m going back to  Brown in autumn. I just dropped by to tell you that I’m really sorry and that I’ve been thinking of you a lot lately. I just wanted to see you again. Now that I’ve done what I wanted to do, I’ll leave. Goodbye Eve.”
He stood up, glanced once more at the river and let his eyes float to the horizon, where the sky melted with the corn fields. Then he turned away and began to walk on the rough wooden floor, hands in his pockets. He was reaching the fence of the garden, when he heard footsteps behind him.
“Dan, wait. Please wait, don’t go. Don’t walk away from me again. You own me some explanations! Sometimes I still sit in the tree-house, wondering what we would be now if you hadn’t left. Then I tried to convince myself that I’ll never know, because I’d never have a chance to see you again. But you’re here now. Remember what we once decided? No apologies between us! I just want to know how your life has been, what kind of things you have tried and what kind of experiences you have made. I was mad at you, really mad, but I’m not anymore. I grew out of this anger. Sincerely I’ve been thinking about you, too, lately. Now you’re here and I’m here. Why do you think you came back? I think it’s because you felt it was the right thing to do to either close the door to the past once and for all or maybe you were just curious about what we could be now, like me. That’s what I hope and what I want. What do you want?”
That words made him turn around. She was gazing right into his eyes and her look was so piercing that Dan had to look away. Why had he come back? What did he want? Good questions… He had no idea. He looked at her again, her eyes were still fixed on him. They reflected hope now, and understanding and curiosity maybe. She had the right to know; that’s what he missed the most, since he had moved to Philadelphia.
Dan made a few step towards her and held out a hand for her to reach. She put her hand in his. Her eyes were still locked on his.
“Come with me!”, he whispered to her and he led her to the old oak, where the wooden ladder was still leaning on the trunk like it always had, as far as he could remember. He let go of her hand and climbed up, she did the same.
Once they were up there, he looked at everything closely, until he detected the “D” and the “E” carved in the railing. Dan ran his fingers over the spot, his eyes closed. More memories came back.
He opened his eyes again and looked at river. “It wasn’t easy at the beginning. New school, new people, new life, a great opportunity to start anew. But all I wanted was the old life, or better, I wanted you to be by my side to share this whole new scary world with…”, he began.
He heard her sit down on her favorite pillow. He turned around and sat down, too, facing her. He went on, telling everything that had happened in that years, he even talked with her about all his feelings and thoughts, about his dreams and expectations. When he finished, she did the same and it was just like in old times, talking about anything and nothing at the same time.
She hadn’t felt that alive for a long time. And she had missed talking of something with such passion, without anyone to judge her or thinking she was crazy.
He felt safe and appreciated and after a long time he finally felt home. It was her that made him feel good and he realized it only now. She believed in him, no matter what happened or what he did, she’d be there to support him anytime, anywhere. He felt there was some connection between them. It was more than just friendship, somehow much deeper. They had been apart for two years and yet it was like no time had really passed. That summer was going to be great and he felt that it was going to be unforgettable, too.
Dan knew that she was feeling the same way and thinking the same things just by watching her playing with her bracelet. They were finally together again.

Summer passed by. It was the last holiday afternoon. Dan’s baggage was packed and ready. And her luggage was, too. While he would go to Brown, she had decided to go to New York University. They would go their own way, each one in a different direction, trying to make the best out of their lives. Maybe they would meet again someday, maybe also in the tree house, the place where they would always be the same carefree and dreamy persons.
Eve was sitting on the wharf, her arms wrapped tight around her knees, her look dreamy and empty, locked on the horizon, where the sun was disappearing behind the fields. It had been her best summer ever. She would never forget it and she would never forget him, Dan. Her feelings for him had changed, grown stronger and they had evolved into something she wasn’t sure of. She was wearing one of his sweaters, his favorite precisely, listening to the sound of the waves braking on the waterside and to the rustling of the the leaves of the trees, which were moved by the wind. Some birds were flying and some other were floating on the surface of the reddish-glowing river.
Suddenly she was overwhelmed by sadness and tears filled her eyes. Why on earth was she crying?
Dan looked out of the window of his room. He would miss those beautiful sunsets. Then he lowered his look and saw her, sitting lonely on the wharf. He ran down the stairs and out of the door into the garden. He finally slowed down and began to walk. The less the distance became, the more the air felt thick and heavy, full of emotions like sadness and melancholy. When he was standing right behind her, he simply said: “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” “Yeah, I will miss it..” “I will miss you”, he replied softly.
She stood up and gazed once again into his eyes. He didn’t look away this time. Instead he put his hand on her soft cheek and washed her salty tears away. It was her who looked down this time. Eve looked up at him again. She put a hand on his and lowered it, still holding it. Their fingers crossed.
He leaned forward and whispered into her ear: “Please, don’t cry. I won’t leave you again, I promise you. You will always be in my heart, because a part of it belongs to you as it always has.”
She smiled between the tears and put her free hand on her heart: “Everywhere I am, there you’ll be, right here..”
Finally they hugged and wouldn’t let go of each other for a long while. She was inhaling his smell, a mix of soap and sun-kissed skin. When they finally pushed away from each other they glanced again into each others eyes. Then it happened.
Their faces came incredibly close and their eyes closed. Their noses touched and then slowly, very slowly their lips joined. It was like an electric discharge filled the air around them. No embarrassment, just fear and doubts. His hands stroked her hair, soft, smelling of fresh coconut. One hand behind his tanned neck, his skin so smooth under her slender fingers. The other hand on his waist, holding his sweater tight. It felt so right, so comforting and yet so unexpected and exciting. That kiss was all about passion and hunger and attraction. It was so intense that it could set the ocean on fire. A shiver ran down her spine, her knees felt loose like jelly. That was the kiss that she had been waiting for all along. He was everything she wanted. He couldn’t get enough of her, too. Eve’s lips were soft and tasted salty from the tears she had been shedding. It was just perfect and at the same time incredibly complicated. Confusing and perfectly clear. They were like floating, suspended in mid-air, while everything around them faded. Time had stopped. It was just them, only them and nothing else.
Finally they broke apart. Eve’s head felt light and she had a sense of dizziness. Their foreheads were still touching, the eyes still closed. Time slowly began to spin again; the last sunrays vanished behind the golden fields; the light breeze blew again around them.
“What happened?” , she asked him, her voice so little it made her seem so fragile. “I don’t know. It was just an impulse, I’m sorry..”, he whispered.
“Remember: no apologies. Don’t say anything, ‘cause everything you say will ruin this magical moment I never want to forget.”
Their lips touched one more time, tenderly, but just shortly. Then they let go and glanced into each others eyes for one long last time.
Dan turned around and walked away, slowly, as if his legs were so heavy that it took a lot of effort to move. Minutes later he got into the white leather seat of his red Mustang. He sat there for a few moments, gliding his tongue on his lips, they were still salty. It hadn’t been a dream. He started the engine and put the first gear in. Anastacia filled the car with “You’ll never be alone”. Right, at least he hoped so. One last look in the rear-mirror at the white house and off on the road he went. He kept gazing back every few seconds, looking at the house becoming smaller and smaller with every feet of tarmac he left behind  him, until he turned a corner and the house was out of his sight.
Tears began to ran down her cheeks again, while he turned around and slowly walked away. It had been beautiful. Not just the kiss, but the whole summer, all the time they spent together. This summer was going to stay vivid in her memory, just like a fresh-made tattoo. She was staring at his tall figure becoming smaller and smaller with every step he took. She just stood there, tears stroking down her face, her arms wrapped around her body tightly, smelling his scent from the sweater, staring at the spot where he had disappeared of her sight.
They were unaware of where life would lead them to, but they both had the strange feeling their paths weren’t going to cross again.