<need one> part 1

A young life is so fragile. No one quite understands how a young child
thinks. Most don't care to understand. It appears like an adult starts to think
very differently than a child and then they completely forget how it was so
they stop being able to relate so a child starts to pull away from them and
hate their guts. When adults think of their child hood they mostly forget how
they use to think they only have the memories of their actions, not their
thoughts. That makes them forget the important part of that period of times
for them, which results in the idea of not being able to relate. In that in mind,
this how the story begins, with a child.

         A young blond, blue eyed child, who was probably around fourteen or
fifteen, sat alone in the park. Her eyes and cheeks red from crying too hard.
Her arms nothing but bloody cuts. Hands shaking still with the knife in them.
Her knuckles broke and scrapped. She had either been in a fight or punched
too many brick walls. She was so mad at the world. She was trying to fight
away the urge just to end all the pain and heart ache right then, there in the
park where everyone could see it. Refusing to do it in her own home, where
no one know for days, maybe even weeks. 

         The moment she had her mind made up, to do it, something had
happen. Maybe it was a leap of faith, could have been a freak chance, or it
could have been a sign. One thing for sure though, it had made up her mind
for her.

         "Hey, sweetie, are you okay," a voice had said from the dark of the
night. 
It had frighten her. She leaped up with the knife pointing in the direction of the
voice, ready to attack if it was the scary people in the park she was warned
about in the night. At that moment, a beautiful red head, brown eyes girl
walked up to her, kind of frighten her self but worried more. Not worried for
her self but for the girl that was bleeding.


"What do you want from me?" she asked still a little scared, still pointing the
knife at her.

         "I just saw you crying, and bleeding. I came to see if you needed some
help. My name is Blair. What is yours?" she said sticking her hand out for her
to shake.

         "Amy, and I'm fine. I don't need your help," she answered sitting
down and putting the knife away.

         "Amy, sweetie, you need to see a doctor or something, your bleeding
kind of bad," Blair stated, sitting next to her.

         "No, I do this often. I've never cut my self bad enough to do any
serious damage. Besides, why do you care? You don't know me," Amy
answered, standing up, and walking to the swings.

         "I don't know you but that doesn't mean I can't care. You might be a
real sweet person who is having a bad time right now. I might be someone
that can at least try to help you through this. I'm going to sit next to you all
night, when you want to talk I'm ready to listen," Blair said while sitting next
to her on the next swing.

         "Why are you willing to do that for a complete stranger?" Amy asked
looking at her.

         "Well, Amy, you just happened to catch me on my good day,"

         "Well, Blair, you just happened to catch me on one of my many bad
days,"

         They smiled at each other and Amy seemed to feel a little relief from
the stress she was under. She was debating on whether or not to tell her or
not to.

         "Well, today was my best friend's funeral. She had died in a car crash.
She basically was my only friend. We were like sister should be though. Her
family was more of family than my own. My parents wouldn't let me go see
her family after it happened, they wouldn't let me call them and talk to them,
and they refused to let me go to the funeral."

"wow, that is crazy. What was their reason for not letting you go,"

         "She wasn't my friend, her family hated me, and I needed to make
more friends anyway,"

         "They aren't even trying to comfort you?"

         "No, we don't so effecting, we aren't allowed and if they knew I was
crying, I'd get my butt busted for it."

         "You know what, that's not how family's are suppose to be, come
here," Blair said, putting her arms out to hug Amy.

         "What are you doing?"

         "Trying to give you a hug,"

         "Why?"

         "Well, it's comforting, and it's something you do when someone is in
pain and they just need some kind of comfort."

         So Amy allowed Blair to hug her. Though, once Blair wrapped her
arms around her, feelings went through her body, feelings that she's never
felt before. Maybe they were happiness, comfort, or even possibly love.
Affecting to Amy is basically a sin in her eyes and her families eyes. She had
no clue what comfort was like and she definitely didn't know or understand
the meaning of love. So as afraid as she was of all that, she jumped out of
Blair's arms and ran home as fast as she could. 

         At home, things went back to a jail cell feeling. No carpet in the house.
Pets weren't allowed. There was a weight bench in the living room. The
kitchen was a metal table with metal chairs, on cold concrete floor. The front
yard was only concrete, just seemed like a parking lot. The back yard was
nothing but dirt. No grass in site. A computer, that Amy wasn't allowed to
touch, was in extra room. Her parents room was a nice king size bed, with
nice blankets and pillows, with a concrete floor as well with the rest of the
house. Amy's room had only a dresser for her clothes and bed for her to
sleep in. Her curtains were just plain white curtains,

were old and straggly. Her blanket was and old falling apart quilt. She wasn't
even treated as good as the prisoners in jail. The only time she really got to
eat good or even possible real food, was at school lunch. On weekends
she'd have to eat her mom's burned food, while her mom and dad ate nice
take out, every night. Amy wasn't allowed to even to touch the stove to make
her own food. 

         When she got home she just went to her room and lied there, thinking
about Blair, and the feelings she was feeling. She was unsure of what to do.
Amy was afraid of a bunch of things, but not near as afraid as she was of
that warm cozy feeling inside of her. She was not sure how she was going to
handle seeing her, if she ever did see her again. Most likely she was because
she was at the park in her neighborhood. 

         Amy wore a jacket as she left the house to catch the bus for school.
She didn't want to go to school because of her bestfriend dying. She sat on
the bus next to the window, staring out it, just like she was invisible. Then she
went back to her suicidal thoughts again. Who would notice if I was gone?
Only the teachers that check role, maybe. My family wouldn't give two craps
I was gone. My bestfriend, and only friend is already gone. No one even
notices me. I am invisible. 

         As she gets there, she sees Blair, which she didn't know went to her
school, hanging out beside the lockers with the popular people. Amy thinks
of why would she have talked to me if she was one of them. That's crazy.
She thinks of walking up to her but decides not to and walks away. Blair
noticed her and runs up to her.

         "Amy,"

         She turns around to look. She was shocked anyone noticed her.

         "Amy, why did you leave so fast?"

         "Why are you talking to me? You're popular. Why do act nice
towards me? You feel sorry for me? Just want to make fun of the emotionally
unstable girl. The girl that's only friend died? I don't understand," Amy says
really fast.

         "It's not even like that. I recognized you from school and saw you
were in trouble so I wanted to help you. Not degrade you."

         "What are you talking about? No one notices the invisible girl that sits
in the dark corner of the classroom."

         "I did, you're not invisible to me. Your a beautiful girl just going
through some hard times,"

         Amy looks at her, unsure what to think. She walks away from her and
to class, with not one word said in the departure. 

         In class, the assignment was to write a poem. A poem of their feelings. 

Invisible

Invisible to the world
No one notices you sitting alone in the back.
No one notices you screaming in pain.
Invisible to everyone and no one.
No one looks in the direction of the lonely girl.
No one knows her family treats her bad.
Invisible to the light and dark.
No one sees her lying in the road.
No one sees the bruises around her heart.
Invisible to the girl that sits next to her. 
No one sees she has no friends
No one sees her walk around the halls all alone.
Invisible till the day of her end.
No one will know when she disappears.
No one will know they body lays with life in it.
Invisible to everyone but the Grim Reaper.
No one heard the last screams before taken.
No one even notices she's already dead.

~Amy~


         She handed it in and believe it or not the teacher didn't even take it as a
sign or her wanting to die. She just writes a 100% and hands it back to her.
Then Amy leaves class to go to her next one. Blair comes back up to her.

         "What do you want from me?" Amy asked her fustrated.

         "I want you to hang out with me/"

         "Why?"

         "You need a friend and so do I."

         "You seem to have plenty of friends."

         "Well, I want another one and I want it to be you."

         "Why would you want that," Amy asked her crossing her arms.

         "Because, I'm sick of you being lonely and you thinking your invisible.
I want to make you happy and I want to enjoy your company. I just want to,
why do you have to question everything?"

         "Fine, if it will make you feel better."

         "It will make you feel better too."

         "Whatever makes you sleep better at night," Amy says walking off to
class.

         

The Girl That wont Disapear

The girl that wont leave me alone
She appears every where
In my mind,
In my life
Why does she not Disapear?
I turn a coner and there she is.
I look behind my back there she is.
I look in a mirror and she show ups.
What is a girl to do if she wont disapear?
I try to kill myself and she shows up.
I try to live, she shows up.
I try to be okay and she shows up.
How do i get rid of her?
Is she some kind of sign?
Is she a curse?
Is she my love?
How do I get rid of her?
Help me please!
Make her leave!
Make her disapear!
HOw do i handle a girl that is everywhere?
She is my mind!
She is in my dreams!
I go to school, there she is
I go home, she leaves in my brains.
I get in a vechile, she's in the mirror.
Make her disapear!
Why is she everywhere?
What are you trying to tell me?
Just Give me a disapearing sign.
I know you will!

~Amy~

         Amy writes, day in and out, opessed with Blair.She don't know how
to understand it. Why does she have such strong feelings for another female?
How is someone suppose to understand her if she does not understand
herself? Does she love her? Is that why she lets her basically run her life?
How is a female suppose to love another female in this life time? Amy wasn't
sure if she just kill herself if she loves another of the same sex.  Everyone
bascially bannes it. Amy has to go to church so she understands why people
think that but that doesn't stop her from feeling that way. It only stops her
from acting apon it.

         The next day of school, Amy runs away from Blair as much as she
can. If she sees her, she trys to make sure Blair don't see her. She runs down
a different hall or just runs into a classroom that isn't her's. She just tries to
hide from Blair, but Blair knows she is. Blair trys to make Amy seems calm
by not fallowing here but that doens't stop Amy from thinking Blair is
following her.

         Apon the next day of  Amy freaking out on Blair, Blair decidees she is
going to write Amy a note, not just any recural note, but a note trying to make
Amy understand.

         Amy,

         I think  I know what is going on. Why you seem to
be ignoring me. You think I have a crush on you and
you know you have one on me. Yes, I do think you are
a beauitful female and I am attracked to you, but
that doesn't mean I'm going to act on it unless you
want me to. If you want me to, i will, b ut if you don't
want me to, I wont. I do like you. I am attracked to
you but I wont do anything you don't want me to.
Well, I just wanted you to stap acting wierd around
me. 

         *Blair*

         p.s. if you want me to hit on you I will.


         Amy gets the note and reads it and has serous thoughts about it.
She thinks why not? Her family already hates her it wouldn't make
much of a difference there. She thought it would be just an
experiment what could it hurt. Just let her do a little hitting on. If she
liked it she'd act upon it.

         Amy walked up to Blair a little later. She smiles and reaches for
her hand and backs up real quickly. Amy changed her mind about
holding Blairs hand. 

         "If you are really interested in hitting on me than you may. I'm
unsure of how I'll act so don't be suprised if i freak out a lot, my
dear. It's new for me but I am interested in seeing how it goes," Amy
explained to Blair.

         "Okay," Blair answered, pulling Amy's hand up to her lips and
kissing it so gently.


         Amy allowed her do this and her face turn as red as a street light. Her stomach filled with huge bats that flew from side to side hitting her heart in the process making it speed up. She smiled at Blair and walked off to class in her happy thoughts.

         Class seemed to end very quickly. Amy realised it was because she hadn't been paying attention to it, she was more preoccupied with
thinking of how Blair was doing and her thoughts on this relationship they are trying to build into. She was so unsure of how Blair was going to handle Amy's home situaiton. Maybe she could spend most of her time at Blair's house. After all Amy was allowed to go out because she was out of their hair so they could do whatever they wanted to.

         Shortly after leaving class Blair showed up at Amy's side.

         "How are you my sweet?" Blair questioned Amy with a big grin on her face.

         "Excelent my dear. How are you, hun?"

         "Kind of sad."

         "Why is that?"

         "Because I missed you and i've been dying to hug you," Blair said stopping.

         Amy stood there a minute question that comment. She pondered the thought of her and Blair huging before and how it made her feel. She was unsure if she wanted that feeling again. She stared at Blair's brown eyes trying to figure out what she was truely feeling in her soul and heart. She could see that Blair was hurt that Amy hadn't jumpped to the idea of a new hug but didn't appear suprise. Amy decided she cared for Blair so it'd be alright to hug her again. Aparently friends even hugged.

         Amy walked up to Blair and wrapped her arms around her neck and hugged her. Blair wrapped her arms around her as well. They stood there a moment hugging one another than the bell rang for class and they pulled away but as they were pulling away Blair snuck in and kissed Amy on the cheek. Then both walked off to class.

         The class had passed and Amy was looking for Blair. Unable to find her she walked out the building to the buses with her diaspointed face. That's when she did see her. Amy then walked up to Blair. Blair turned around and saw her and smiled so big and brightly.

         "Hey you," Blair said to Amy.

         "HI, I was wondering if you wanted to get together later today," Amy questioned.

         "Sure, meet me at my house around seven," Blair quickly answered.

         "Off of Jefferson's street, right?"

         "Yep, fifty five Jefferson,"

         They hugged and walked in their seperate directions. Amy quickly went home after getting off the bus.She entered and ate her nasty dinner that her mother cooked then jumped into the shower. She got out and got dressed in some of her better clothes and then was ready to go to Blairs.

         When she arived at Blair's home, her mother answered the door with such a sweet and caring voice that flowed through the neighborhood.

         "You must be  Amy. I've heard so much about you. Please come in," she spoke while showing her in.

         "I hope it was all good things," Amy replied, smiling.

         "Of course, my daughter is sweet as can be.She's in her room. First door to the left, go on in."

         Amy walked down the hall and knocked on the door. Blair yelled for her to come in so she did. That's when all of Amy's straight toughts flew out of her head and just hit the ceiling fan. She knew right then and there that it was love. At first she thought it was lust and then she realised it wasn't it. It was that masterful, wonderful feeling everyone wished they could have. Now Amy had it but she wasn't abou to share that with anyone. Not even Blair

         Blair was laying on her bed watching televison and her brown hair just fitted perfectly around her face and her eyes were glising with beauity. Her hands gripped the remote with a gentle grabs. The way she was bitting her lips was a perfect sweet bit. It just over whelemed Amy so much.

         "Are you going to sit down?" Blair spoke awaken Amy from her Trance.

         "Yeah sure," Amy said sitting down next to her after taken her shoes off.

         "I'm glad you came, I was thinking you might stand me up," Blair said.

         "Nah, I'm not that kind of person. Plus I wouldn't pass up any time to spend with you," Amy answered realising what she said.

         "You're so sweet," Blair touched Amy's face so sweetly.

         Amy fell into the touch. The beauterflies turned into bats again and Amy couldn't control them. She laid her head onto Blair's chest
and wrapped her right arm around her stomach. Blair wrapped her arm back around her and held her while she rested there.

         After a while of cuddling the mood changed. Blair was rubbing Amy's arm and remembered the cuts. She touched them so gentle and carring Then she had to ask a dreadful question to kill it all.

         "Are you doing okay?"

         Amy sat up and looked at her. Then she turned into spassy.

         "Yeah, I'm okay. I don't see why you care?"

         "Amy, don't do this. You know I care for you or you wouldn't be here."

         "Oh why because I'm not good enough for you?"

         "Yes, your good enough, you're perfect,"

         "Whatever, I"m out of here. Just think, i was actually starting to like you."

         Amy left the room and ran all the way home.



          Blair couldn't get Amy's reaction out of her head. Why would she freak out so bad from her asking if she was doing okay. That wasn't a harmful question. It was a caring one, right? She was so unsure of what to do but she did come up with a plan for the next day.

         Amy opened her locker the next day at school and a dozen roses fell out. She leaned down and picked them up and then looked back in her locker to see a teady bear holding a card. She opened it and read it.

                  "Amy My Dear,

         Look, I'm really sorry for what happened at my house yesterday. I care about you so much and I just wanted to know if you were okay. I truely care for you and I'm sad to know that scares you away. I just wanted you to know I was and still am here for you to listen to your problems and I want to try to help you through them. I care about you and I want you to feel alright to talk to me. Look, meet me for lunch if you still want to hang out with me and try this experment out. If you don't show up then I know you're not intrested anymore.

                                       Love Always,
                                                 Blair."

         Amy read the letter and stood there and thought about it for a while. Than the bell rang and she headed off for class. So she thought about it all the way up till lunch and realised she cared for Blair too and decided to give it all another chance. It couldn't kill her to actually talk about her problems.

         Lunch came and she went and sat down next to Blair. Blair looked at her and smiled and put her hand on Amy's leg, underneath the table. Amy allowed her to do so. She actually like the effection very much. She put her hand and Blair's and gripped it into her grasp and held it tight but not to tight. They looked at each other in the very loving, emotional way and just ate their lunch.

         They didn't talk durning lunch but from the way they looked at each other they knew they didn't need to. Their looks said everything they needed to say. By the time lunch was done they had basically said i love you with their eyes and body language.

         On the way to their next class they held hands and remaind in their loving silence. People looked at them strangly but not because they  were holding hands and acting all copley but because they were in their silence and not saying anything at all. They leaned up against the wall holding each other in thier grasp and they didn't have to ask the question if they were a couple because they knew they already were. But before their departure Blair did the unspeakable suprise thing that threw Amy really off track and really out of her mind. She kissed her lips so gently and Amy had no choice to kiss back. It was all over there. Amy knew it was ment to be. She was suppose to be with Blair the rest of her life because she felt those fireworks everyone says is the sign of true love. They exploded so many times and still kept exploding after they stopped and all the way into class. Blair was Amy's soul mate.Now the question was could she tell her that?

         Amy couldn't say things in person she had to write them down in words. So that's what she did.

                      "Blair

         I can't begin to tell you in person how I feel. I have to write it down or it will never get out. When we first hugged I had a warm fuzy feeling inside of me and I didn't know how to react to that. It was a very strange feeling. That I delt with slowly. Then we cuddled and wow, those was so amazing, I knew I had to keep doing it with you. Then you ruined the mood but we got past that. Now you've kissed me and fireworks went out. At this moment I'm trying to cope with that. I am doing okay with it but I need to kiss you more now. I want to so bad. It was an awesome feeling that's never going to go away. I know it seems early but I truely think I'm falling in love with you. If that scares you I totally understand and I wont be hurt if you leave me. I mean I will but it would be an understanding hurt. So let me know what you want to do my dear. I need to nip this in the bud if you don't feel the same way.

                                       Amy."

         Amy slipped the note into Blair's hand and walked away quickly. She didn't want anything else to happen until Blair read the note. She didn't want to get her heart anymore than she had to.

         Blair read the note and decided to show Amy how she felt after they got out of class. She walked straight up to Amy and grabbed her, kissed her so strongly and pulled back. Amy reaction was what anyone would expect. She was shocked, unable to speak and staring blankly at Blair.

         "I Love you,too"

         They both walked their seaprate directions and gave it a whole nother class peirod to get their mind clear but now they both knew each other loved on another.


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