Sassy

Sassy

Jeni was a loving wife to Buddy, and the happy mother of a lovely adopted daughter. They called her Sassy. She had to write "Cassandra" on her school papers, but everyone who knew her thought "Sassy" suited her to a tee. She was sassy, smart and adorable. Of course Jeni and Buddy felt that way. After all, they had loved her from the moment they laid eyes on her. Everyone thought she was beautiful, though. Even strangers would comment on her beauty. Sassy had been through a lot. Before she was placed in foster care, she had been exposed to a lot of violence, which had left its mark on her. She had also been scarred by the unfortunate need to have been in three other foster homes before coming to live with Jeni and Buddy. This, too, left its mark on Sassy. For such a long time, when the doorbell would ring, or a sudden loud noise was made--even something as innocent as Buddy shouting at the ballgame on television--she would run and hide under the bed until all was "safe." She would wake up in the middle of the night terrified and crying inconsolably, unable to even tell Jeni what had frightened her so. Jeni would hold her and rock her, and sing to her over and over, "It's okay. Mommy's here." Some nights Buddy would let her lie on his chest the whole night, and get very little sleep himself. His heart was too happy and warm to be concerned about sleep. A quiet smile brightened Jeni's face one day when she walked into the family room and saw Sassy sitting on the floor rocking her baby doll back and forth, singing, "It okay. Mommy here." She sang it over and over, just as Jeni had sung to her so many times.

They both loved Sassy more than life itself. They wanted her to feel safe and loved and happy. She had come into their home and hearts when she was 22 months old. She was in foster care at that time, and they had no way of knowing how long she would be with them. Their only concern was to give her a place where she would feel safe and loved and protected. For the first two years Sassy would occasionally go for supervised visits with her mom, usually at McDonald's. It was mostly fun for Sassy, except when her mom would talk to her about coming to live with her, or would yell at her for calling Jeni and Buddy "Mommy and Daddy". See, Sassy's mom loved her, and it was painful to think of someone else being her mom and dad. But Sassy didn't understand that. She just thought of her mom as a nice lady she played with at McDonald's. It frightened her to think of living with her. She didn't really remember living with anyone except Jeni and Buddy. To Sassy, they were Mommy and Daddy.

Jeni and Buddy thought a lot about Sassy's visits with her mom. They knew how much Mommy Susan wanted to have Sassy back with her. They understood how painful it had to have been for her to not have Sassy with her. They truly wished that Susan had been able to do the things she needed to do to give Sassy a safe place to live. But Susan had had a hard life, too. She had been through a lot of struggles herself, and they had left their scars on her as well. If only she had family members who could have helped her and been supportive of her, she might have been able to work things out and keep Sassy. It just didn't work out that way. After two years in foster care, the judge decided that Sassy needed to feel safe and to feel that she was "home". He knew that it would be hard for Susan to not be able to see her anymore, but he was concerned about Sassy. He realized that the visits were just becoming too scary for her. He decided to stop the visits and allow Sassy to be adopted.

For Jeni and Buddy it was a time of mixed feelings. They couldn't help feeling sad for Susan. They knew what a wonderful little girl Sassy was, and how much they would miss her if they couldn't see her. At the same time, they were thrilled that she would finally be their real daughter. It took a year for the adoption to be finalized, and then they had a big party to celebrate. Everyone brought presents, and there was cake and ice cream and balloons! The best part was that they could tell Sassy that she never had to be afraid of being taken away again. Nobody would ever take her away to a strange family again. She was five years old when she became their daughter. Years later, when Sassy was a teenager, she commented one day that "5" was her favorite number, and that it had always been her favorite number. Her mom was surprised by this comment,and asked Sassy if she knew what happened when she was five years old. She shook her head, "No." When Jeni told her that she had been adopted when she was five years old, and there had been a big party to celebrate that she would always live with them and always be their daughter, Sassy was shocked. "No wonder it's my favorite number," she replied. "That is so weird. I didn't even know that!"

There is much more to tell about Sassy's life as an adoptee. This is just the beginning. Her life would take many twists and turns in the years following her adoption, because that is the way real life is. Life is happy and sad. Life is easy sometimes, but mostly hard. Stay tuned for more stories about Sassy.

Pat Nelson
April 13, 2008