QUEENOLA BELL--CHAP. 9

CHAPTER 9

I'm still here, I'm in good health and I'm not ugly. I'm not a beauty queen but I'm not a dog either. It's been about eight months , Aaron and I haven't dated since. I've been asked out a lot but I turn them down. On the weekends if I'm off I take mama out to eat or we watch movies and eat popcorn. I got my GED a couple months ago I want to go to college but I have to save some more money. The fall semester starts next month at UGA if I can save enough money to go. I'm working all the overtime I can. I may be able to get a government loan to help me also. I'm going to apply for all of them. I've already been accepted so that's not a problem.

While at work we were very busy.The phone rings and I answer because I'm the closest. A lady says can I speak to Queenola Bell please. I say this is she. The lady says Queenie you need to get to the hospital the ambulance just left with your mama. I hung u p the phone. I didn't even say who is this or even ask if mama had been at work. I just hung up the phone. I went running to my car still wearing my Waffle House smock. I didn't say anything to anyone I just left. A few minutes later I pulled up at Gainesville Hospital. I run in the emergency room and say I'm looking for Mrs. Glenda Bell. A man comes up to me and says honey you need to calm down. I say I won't calm down until I find my mama. The man puts his arm around my shoulder and says come with me. I'll help you find her. We went to every room that the nurses would let us in and the ones they wouldn't let us in the nurses told us the name of the person in there. I couldn't find mama; I was feeling sick and weak in the knees. While this nice man is trying to calm me down an ambulance came in with the lights flashing and siren going. The man sitting with me says stay right here I'll be right back. I think to myself who does he think he is telling me what to do. I'm eighteen years old he can't tell me what to do. As soon as I finish the thought I feel guilty because I know he's just trying to help.

The paramedics come in wheeling a stretcher. I jump up and try to see but I can't see over them. The doctors and nurses come running out to the stretcher everything is going so fast everyone running around like crazy people. I heard one of the paramedics say this is Mrs. Bell we need something stat. I didn't know what stat meant. I went running towards mama. The nice man sees me and comes running toward me he grabs me and tries to hold me back from mama. I started to fight this man. I hated him at that moment. He kept telling me honey your mama is real sick we need to stay out of the doctors way and let them help her. I calm down a little bit then. I'm shaking all over. I started to get sick, the man grabs the trashcan for me to throw up in. He tells me that I need to eat and keep myself healthy because mama needs me. I know he's right so I agree when he said he'd go to the sandwich shop and get me some food.

The man comes back with my food and say's by the way my name is James. I say I'm Queenie. He says that's a pretty name. I say thank you but if you really think it's a weird name go ahead and say it I'm used to it. James says, Queen I really like your name, My mama's name was Queenola. I almost fell off the bench. I said really, that's my name everyone calls me Queen or Queenie for short. James and me became friends he sat there with me for two hours telling me stories about his family. We would go check every thirty minutes or so to see if I could see mama yet. Finally the doctor comes out and says I can see mama. I ran all the way to her room. When I walk in I come to a sudden stop; she has all kinds of machines on her even more than daddy had. I was afraid to walk over to the bed. Then James walks up beside me and says. Go ahead Queenie go to your mama, hold her hand, kiss her on the check and talk to her. She needs to know you're here.

I walked over to mama and do just what James said. I said mama it's me Queenie, I'm here with you and it's gonna be alright because I love you so much. I look over at James he nods his head and winks at me. James left the room then and when he turned to leave I could swear I saw a pair of angel wings on his shoulders. Dr. Green comes to the door and motions for me to come out in the hall. I walk out and he looks down at me and says. What's your name sweetie? I say I'm Queenie. He says, well your mama is in bad shape. Right now she is on the ventilator but I think she'll come off it okay. I say Dr. Green what's a ventilator? He says it's life support, if we had not put it on her she would have died. He says Queenie your mama had a massive heart attack. She pulled through this one so far but she may not be so lucky next time. I'm standing here with tears streaming down my face. Dr. Green says, Queenie where is your daddy? I say, daddy died a while back. He said he was sorry. Dr. Green says, Queenie your mama is going to have to take it easy now she can't work any more because this heart attack may have left her paralized in some ways . It's really too soon to tell but she'll be here a while. When she goes home she may be bed ridden or at least in a wheelchair.

Well after I talked to the doctor I went home to get me some clothes and call Ken. I know I'd be at the hospital for awhile. I got home walked in and fell on the couch. I cried so hard I was sore but I kept on crying. I cried hard for an hour but then I knew I needed to get up and get started. I called Ken and told him about mama. Ken had moved in with some girl in Athens. Ken said he would try to get in touch with Alex. Ken asked me to borrow twenty dollars. I told Ken that I didn't have it and It's not a lie cause it's going on mama's hospital bill and mama told me not to give Ken anymore money when we found out he was doing drugs. I hang up the phone and think to my self. I've got to make a list of things to do to get ready for mama to come home. First I would have to take my money out of savings to pay on her hospital bill because mama didn't have enough insurance from her job to pay all of it. Second I'll go Monday morning to the welfare office and see about getting some food stamps to by groceries until I could do better. Third, I would have to try to get mama on disability because she'll probably be disabled from now on. After the third thing on the list I want to scream. I feel like I'm dying inside.

I set there a few more minutes then I start to remember. Queenie, the good Lord won't put any more on you than you can handle. Then I remember daddy saying Queenie straighten yourself up and get at it because the more you dread it the worse it's going to be. Then I remember daddy telling me, take care of your mama.

I set here with the thoughts. I finally get up go take a shower, put on my make-up get dressed and walk out the door on my way back to mama with my head held high. I lived at the hospital in the waiting room until mama came out of Intensive Care, she stayed in there for seven days. When they moved her to a private room I moved in with her. Mama was starting to come around. She could talk just a little. Her face on the left side had drawed and she was paralyzed on her whole left side, but I could tell what mama wanted when the nursed couldn't. Now that mama's in a room Aunt Sybil comes almost ever day and sits with her while I take care of the things on my mind's list. I took the money out of my savings and paid on the hospital bill. I paid what mama had for insurance and that wasn't near enough. I went to the welfare and explained everything to them and they said that they could help for a while, and they are going to help me fill out the papers for mama's disability. They gave me some food stamps to get started then they called around to some churches that donated food and supplies to people like us. They found three churches to help us and they gave me this little card to take to the churches once a week for four weeks to pick up stuff.

Well everything's on the roll now and I don't have much pride left but I still hold my head up and strut along. Mama stayed in the hospital about four weeks. She is coming home today so I am home getting things ready for mama they'll bring her home in the ambulance. I took the couch out of the living room to make room for mama's bed and oxygen tank. I'll have to put her portable potty at the foot of the bed. I moved the TV so that mama will be able to see it. I had bought mama a new TV with remote control before she got sick and she loves it. I put a little twin bed in Ken's old room for me. I put it close to the door so that I could hear mama if she got sick or if she needed me. Ken's bedroom is right next to the living room so I shouldn't have any trouble hearing her. I tied a cowbell to mama's bed in case she needs me and I'm in the kitchen or somewhere out of range to hear her. They get mama home around three and I have everything ready. They bring her in and help me put her on the bed. They showed me how to change the water bottle on mama's oxygen machine and how to hook her up to the portable oxygen if the power went out or if she goes anywhere.

That first week mama was home all the neighbors came over and brought food and drinks, some of them even came up to me and put money in my hand. Usually I wouldn't take money from people but I know I'd need it to take care of mama so I took it and said God Bless You to everyone who brought stuff or gave me money. I kept every piece of food I could because I knew me and mama would go through some hard times but I would never let mama know that.

Well it's hard taking care of mama she has to take so much medicine and sometimes it's like pulling teeth to get it down her. She would spit it out and clamp her teeth together so I would have to sneak it in her food or treat her like a child and tell her I would take the TV remote if she didn't take it, that usually worked because she loves her TV. Ken came over one day to see mama he sat in the chair in the corner he never spoke to her but I kept talking to try to break the silence. I asked Ken to help me put mama on the pot but he wouldn't help he wouldn't even hold mama's hand. I could never be that way I don't understand him. I got real mad at Ken but I bit my tongue because I didn't want to upset mama. I wanted to fuss him out but I kept telling myself to remember what mama had said about people handling things in their own way so I figured this was Ken's way of handling mama being sick.

Well I took care of mama for about five months by myself except when Aunt Sybil would come over but it wasn't that often because she had to work the chicken houses. The neighbors would help me load mama in the car when she had to go to the doctor and they would come over after they got off work and bring us supper sometimes. Mama got her disability it starts next month she also got Medicare it will help a lot.

The welfare lady says that there will be a nurse and doctor on call for mama at all times and there will be aides to give mama her bath. I'm real happy about the aides because mama has gotten real mean. I was giving her a bath yesterday, she kept hitting me, pinching me, and when I finished I was going to empty the water but when I turned around mama threw her water glass and hit me in the back. I didn't say anything because I remember the doctor telling me that sick people would always take it out on the one's they Love the most. I never got ill with mama but sometimes I had to grit my teeth to keep from jumping all over her, especially when she would ring her cow bell and wake me up just to turn on the TV when she's go the remote laying right beside her. I'd go ahead and do it. I figured she got lonely and I always tried to put myself in her shoes.

The aide came in today. I didn't know how to act because the aide did everything for mama she even cooked mama some lunch. I felt relief, don't get me wrong I love my mama and I'll do what I have to do to take care of mama but I needed a break real bad. I weighed myself and I had lost about fifteen pounds since mama got sick. I was really getting run down. One day a week a girl would come in and sit with mama, I forgot what you call this, but she would stay eight hours. I got a chance to get out some on that day so I'd take the Ford (because the dragon wagon finally died) and I would just ride around. Aunt Sybil let me work for her sometimes when someone was with mama. That gives me a little spending money.

Mama got worse about a year later she had another heart attack and went back in intensive care so I moved into the hospital waiting room again. This time Alex was home and he would sit with me during the day. Alex had been home for a month he took a leave or something from the army when mama got worse. Ken, we just don't know about Ken he's in and out like always. He never slows down. He never has been one for talking much so who ever knows about him. He did come to the hospital a couple of times but he wouldn't stay long. He would go back to see mama and come out within a minute but I did see tears in his eyes a couple times. Mama told me a long time ago that people who don't cry hurt more than the one's that do so I felt bad for Ken. I can't imagine the hurt being any worse.

Mama never went home after that she did in ICU at Gainesville General Hospital. I was so happy that Alex was there I would not have made it without him. He took care of everything. Funeral arrangements, all of it. I just sat around spaced out. After the funeral I went home and just started packing up mama's stuff, I didn't really think about it I just did it. I've lost my mama and my daddy now. I'm so lost and lonely.

For two days after mama's funeral I sat in the mill house alone. Alex had gone back to the army and Ken; I don't know where he is. Aunt Sybil came in and sat down beside me. I was so depressed I didn't even hear her come in. She says Queenie when's the last time you ate? I say I don't remember. She says Queenie you have lost everything that means the most to you but you still have all the memories that is something that no one can take away. She says I know your mama and daddy are in Heaven looking down on you and they probably don't like what they see. They want you to get up straighten yourself up and keep on going with your head held high. I look over at Aunt Sybil and say you're right. I know they want me to keep on living and to be proud and to do the best I can with what I've got.