Bleeding Inside...As Usual

April/15/2008

---Today I was walking into 3rd period and these "normal" kids were complaining how the school has "too many goths" and how "goths" are disgusting and freakish. I have to admit, I got quite offended seeing as I myself have the reputation of being gothic. Do they not look in the mirror? Is that it? Can they not see that, first of all, they are freakish and disgusting themselves and there are too many of them as well, second of all, they are promoting judging. Oh yes, it's perfectly fine if they judge and make fun of people like me *note sarcasm* but once they get it right back they fall into a puddle of their own salty tears. Oh boo hoo.... Goths have feelings too, more feelings than "normal" people have, well most.

---Yet another issue on stereotyping... People at my school often claim that I am suicidal. Riiiight... Just because I have a few cuts here and there doesn't mean I'm suicidal. It means I have locked up feelings and no other way helps to rid me of them. They also think I'm suicidal because I idolize Kurt Cobain, write with my own blood, drink a few droplets of blood, and have a fasination with death itself... Well. The Kurt Cobain suicide is still being debated. Just because I look up to someone like that doesn't mean I'm going to turn out exactly like them. Besides, did they not think it could be inspiring? Kurt Cobain's little incident could inspire people to NOT do what he did because look what happened sadly enough... The whole blood thing is just idiotic. Having a certain interest with blood just means that I have more courage than them because they can never bring themselves to stare at one little drop without saying "Ewww!" The fascination with death is actually quite deep. You see, death is a beautiful thing. Death is something we can all look forward to, a promise that we know will never be broken. And in most cases, death equals peace. Unlike life itself where you have theivery, rape, and just plain drama.

---*sighs* Can this day not get any worse? My school handed out report cards today. I got two F's and two D's. Shit. Just kill me now! My mother and I made this little deal a few weeks ago. It was, if I get even ONE F on my report card this 9 weeks, I'm not allowed to speak, see, or even talk about my aunt. That may be perfectly okay with some people but not me. My aunt and I are extremely close. I'm far closer to her than I am with my own mother. I can tell my aunt anything. My worries and troubles just fade away when I talk to her or even see her and the horrid day turns into laughter and happiness. If I don't talk to my aunt for months, I don't know what I'll do... On top of that, my faggot of a step-father who thinks he can control the most powerful things, is most likely going to take away the t-v, computer, and mp3. Which will destroy me as well. If I didn't have my aunt, I'd turn to music which I can aquire on all 3 items. If BOTH my aunt AND music get taken from me, I'd most likely start cutting myself again because I wouldn't be able to tell about my pain. I'd tell my mom about it but she always scoffs at me and says she had a worse childhood than I do and that I'm just being overdramatic... Yeah whatever....

Well I'm sorry I had to put whoever just read this through all that boring misery... I'll give you all permission to kill my time with completely utterly reviews. Go for it. I dare you. But of course, if you weren't bored and just want to talk I'd be happy to get positive reviews and probably even reply back...^_^