Suicide

Suicide

Have you ever thought about committing suicide? Not a pleasant thought I assure you. It sticks to the front of your mind like an irritating Post-it, intruding your thoughts and devouring your will. You see, suicide comes to different people for different reasons. For some it offers a better path; when the horrors of life are enough to erase the will to live from your mind. For others, the opportunity suicide awakens (the instant acceptance into nirvana beyond life) is too good to miss; you've got a free ticket to paradise - you'd be mad not to accept it. And then there are those who have no reason to end their life; they are perhaps troubled by some human weakness (notoriously relationships), and are so deep down in this encircling whirlpool of despair that their blinkered eyes focus themselves upon the only (in their view) possible exit from this misery. Suicide.
The very word itself awakens images in our minds. We imagine people, usually troubled young individuals, who in our eyes are weak and foolish, as they throw their lives away, their thin fingers still clutching the needle like a baby clutches its teddy bear. We cannot associate ourselves with them. Even the thought of them makes us shiver with disgust. Like true Pharisees we draw our coats closer to ourselves and feign ignorance as we pass on by.
Already, before we even have an indication of the reasons why, we cast judgement. We know nothing. Who they were. What they did. Why they chose it. These are questions which our intrinsically ordinary minds cannot even begin to grasp, let alone understand. They do not affect me; there is no reason for my involvement; I couldn't care less. Within our own inert spheres we see and hear only that which concerns us. What happens without is none of my business. It is none of my family's business. You may be right. Some would say you hit the metaphoric nail distinctly on its crown. But don't you think we have even a basic human obligation to at least try to help? We'll see. Some try to, and the damage they cause is irreparable. Some do, and the true and clean good they induce is life changing. So, where are we to stand? Which way are we to stray? Of course, being everyday human beings, we will sit on the fence and simply watch events unfurl, knowing that we are safe in our little spheres, where nothing can touch us.
Oh but you're wrong. No-one is immune to disaster. No-one.
And so I return to suicide. What some of these so called suicidees aren't aware of is the position they themselves are in, in relation to others around them. For them the world is against them. In their own minute, self catering sphere they look inwards with bent eyebrows. With a furrowed brow their brooding thoughts comprise of self pity, self admiration, and self loathing. These selfish thoughts fund their path as they become more and more inward looking and shut off from the outside world. It is when life, as perceived by their sightless eyes, hits rock bottom that the thought of suicide creeps in and tickles the brain like an oncoming itch. It is when their minds are at the most fragile stage that the desire to live departs. They want a way out of the torment, and so choose death.
Now I am not categorising all suicidees in one stereotypical group, for there are those who stop the decline into self obliteration and realise their own position and the consequences of their actions. These are usually those of stronger mind, intelligence and will power. The ability to detract yourself from your own mind and just stop and think is a wonderful capability, and one that even the average working man should consider. In fact, more than one would expect, since the average working man is in serious danger of increasing the slope of his decline into normality and becoming just another cog in the multi-facetted machine of economy. Import. Export.
But what this selfish attitude in those who take their own lives leads to is complete misunderstanding with regards to those who surround and do in fact care for them. When one commits suicide they are oblivious to the effect their death will have on other people. They don't even spare thought to this idea. So engrossed in their own minds are they that they forget their own position in the world. The parents, the brothers, the sisters, the aunts, the uncles, the grandparents, the friends, they all suffer while the subject abandons life and all that it entails.
Then there are those who have even less regard for their own lives and, in one final life-taking extravaganza, they depart this life with as many other souls as they can lay their hands on. I express no pity for these individuals, and I'm sure they expect none. Nevertheless I find it, for wont of a better word, interesting that in this modern day, where the understanding of human behaviour is at its pinnacle, there are still those who totally misunderstand the most basic of human instincts. Need I say more?
Finally there are those who, after all possible ways out have been tried and tested, are left with no alternative. For them, living induces guilt, after what they have seen happen to others. And it is true; no matter how long they live, the guilt will never leave. They will ask why them? Why not me? And no-one will ever have an answer for them.
To avoid this guilt, amongst other things, they take their own lives. Not in protest; they take them in response to a very simple human emotion: the desire not to feel pain. It won't hurt, they tell themselves, but it does. Just before it's over, and shadows intrude their sight, a small voice in the depths of their tormented mind questions their actions, and doubt seeps in. But then it's over, and when they open their eyes it is to white shores and blue skies, and there, there is no doubt, and no pain.