God? Aliens? My Science Teacher?

    Have you ever wondered what your teachers really do in their free time?  Sure you might see them shopping, but that could be a hologram.  What if your teacher was a top secret spy?  A monster? Alien? God? Monster alien God?
    I once was just wandering around in the halls after school.  Sometimes I would walk up to somebody and attempt to scare them.  Maybe I would just talk to them, or even give 'em a pat on the back for still being alive.  It was pretty surprising especially since we were all in one highschool that most people survived.  I would occasionally see Michael, the least popular kid in our class due to his awkwardly normal name and lightly hit him or smack him a one-liner that he would laugh plitely at.
    As I walked by Mrs. Holdentree's, the Spanish teacher's room, I saw that she was watching an episode of Futurama on her amazingly small TV.  I loved that show.  I asked her which episode it was and she quickly turned the TV off and said, "What episode?  I don't know what your talking about!  I swear that it doesn't tell me to end all life on Earth.  And it certainly hasn't taught me the secrets to life and told me how to make a high-temperature superconductor!"  Then she threw the TV out the window and ran through the temporary wall.  I always thought she should've been th science teacher. She's so much smarter and more normal than her son, Mr. Holdenapple.  I decided to walk over to Mr. Holdenapple's room to tell him about what his mom just did so he could go sort it out. 
    Once I reached his room door, I heard some strange noises inside, so I went up to the little window next to the door and watched him for a little bit.  I saw him standing in a very awkward position, not moving a centimeter or decimeter or something like that, in a very nice looking star-within-a-pentagon.  I always thought he should've been the geometry teacher.  He was singing about something that sounded like spiritus domine de satunus in a high pitched tone.  I always thought he was a good singer, whatever the tone.  I started to walk away when suddenly I heard, "Stop.  Just walk in Ubuntu."  This creeped me out a little.  When I walked in, the pentagon-star thing was gone, completely, the lights were all off, and there were lit candles everywhere.  This was starting to get a little too out of the ordinary.  He said, "Due to my ESP and the advice of my father, (he had never talked about his father before) I knew you were there.  Now, do you believe in chaos theory?"
    "No, not really."
    "Superstring theory?"
    "I don't even know what it is.  In fact I don't care."
    "God?"
    "Sure."
    "Titans?"
    "If you stop talking and let me leave, completely."  I started walking towards the door.  The door slammed shut.  He must have some device that shuts and locks it.  I turned around to tell him to open it.  He was gone.  I was seriously scared now.  I shuffled my feet backwards toward the door.  I was thinking about picking the door when I bumped into something.  It was Mister H. with a sly smile on his face.  I screamed and fell backwards on my ass.  "Please let me go!  I swear, I won't tell anyone that your a complete loon!"
    At this remark, his expression changed from content to completely barbaric.  He jumped into the air and never came down.  A bolt of fire shot down from the ceiling and seared my eyebrows.  Spikes came frome the floor.  They seemed to be made out of wax.  Then I saw it.  Where Mr. H.'s desk used to be, thare was a throne made from bones.  Hell was poetic.  Sitting in it was Hades, god of the underworld.
    "Hello Ubuntu.  It's nice to see you."
    "Who are you?  Hades?"
    "Well, kind of...  Essentially I started out as alien from Planet Grrbzlmandarin.  Chinese Mandarin was named after it after we visited Zheng He, Hong Bao, Sun Tzu, and Horing Tsintusaosau.  Horing was a great guy, but no one knows about him because we cloned him from Hitler when the war went the wrong way.  We hate big noses on our planet."
      "True, true," I chimed in.
      "Then once I decided to live the Himilayas, I found mountains were cold.  So I made a body suit out of polar bear skin.  I hate those save the polar bear people.  Penguins rule.  I decided to melt a little bit of the polar ice caps.  People saw me and revered me as a god for a while.  Then after about a week, I got bored up in Canada.  Too much ice, not enough cream.  So I went back down to Tibet where I was thought to be the Yeti."
    "Is there a Yeti?"
    "Yeah.  He's actually Horing Tsintusaosau, except I gave him some growth hormone as a prank.  He never came back to normal."
    "That was kind of mean."
    "Shut up."
    "OK."
    "Well, after that, I moved to Maine, where I convinced a woman that she was my mother and the TV told her strange things.  Now I'm here in this crappy state.  California, more like Crapifornia."
      "Corny!"
      "Shut your mouth and listen!  I wish I was in Nebraska.  It's like that corn is a glue."
      "That's true.  They do like their corn."
      "I told you to shut up!  Now you perish!"  He shot a bolt of lightning.....
     
    "Stop starin' at my tits, retard!" Nirimbia said to me when I woke from my daydream.
    "You sure?  Those are some nice tits." I retorted.  She just gave me a little smile and quickly walked away when the bell rang.
    I went to my locker and decided to check Mrs. Holdentree's room.  Not to my surprise, she was watching Futurama.  I just left her alone and walked away smiling, knowing I had just avoided my death.