The Secret Revealed

"What are you doing?"  Kenny started laughing.

"You shouldn't sneak up on people like that!"  I pulled my hand from my face quickly.  "It's rude."

"I wasn't sneaking up on you.  I just walked by and your door was open.  If you don't want people to see what you're doing, shut the door."  He was still laughing.

Of course, he was right.  Kenny was always right.  He was really smart, which was why he was already in his first year of podiatry school, studying for a big career in sports medicine.  He'd been a major jock in high school; popular, class president-you know, all the stuff that's impossible to live up to.  But even though he was a jock, he really wasn't stuck on himself, which was probably why he was so popular and had gotten voted class president.

It probably didn't hurt that he'd made a touchdown in overtime at the last game of the season, qualifying our school team to play in the state finals. 

I remembered how before he got accepted to podiatry school, he'd waited for the postman to deliver the mail every day.  He kept looking through the living room window, hiding behind the curtain.  As soon as the postman was finished stuffing the mail into our mailbox, Kenny would yell for Jon or me to run out and get it.

One day, when it was my turn to fetch the mail, I was tugging on the door of the mailbox, which wasn't completely closed.  A huge yellow envelope was jammed inside.  When I glanced up at Kenny, he looked like he was going to jump right through our living room window.  He was waving his hands in the air like a crazy person, trying to get me to hurry back into the house.  Then he was running out the door toward me like a lunatic.

"Give me that!"  He grabbed the giant yellow envelope from my hands.

"Ouch!  You almost ripped my arm out of its socket!"

"Well, if I had, you wouldn't have to worry.  Based on the size and color of this envelope, I'd be qualified to reset it."  He messed up my hair with his hand, grinning at me.  "But you'd have to wait a few years."  He stared at the address label, practically drooling: Mr. Joseph K. Isaacs.

Kenny's dream school was inviting him to attend their institution; he knew it even without opening the envelope.  A small white envelope meant you'd been rejected.

This was a big, bulky, yellow envelope.

"See that!?"  Kenny grinned from ear to ear, holding the envelope up in front of my face.  "Quick.  What does that say?"  He ran his index finger along the bottom of his name.

I humored him.  "Joseph K. Isaacs."

"That's right!  Joseph Kensington Isaacs."

"It says Joseph K."

"What's the K stand for, huh?"

Kenny is short for Kensington, my mother's maiden name.

My whole family had been really excited when Kenny got accepted.  Kenny was especially psyched.  He'd get to fulfill his dream of becoming a sports medicine doctor and work with professional football players.

So of course my perfect brother whose life was going just the way he wanted had to catch me checking myself out in the mirror.  It made me mad.

"Okay, Bobby, what gives?"  He saw I was embarrassed.  "What were you trying to do?"

I looked back at the mirror.  How could I tell him what I was doing?

Kenny came into my room, putting his hand on my shoulder.

"Come on," he said,  "you can tell me.  I swear I won't tell anyone."

I almost believed him.  Kenny was actually a pretty good brother, unlike Jon.  My little brother could be a real pain.  We shared a bedroom, and whenever I wanted to be by myself, like when I had to study for a test, Jon would always purposely find a reason to be there.  He would pretend to be doing something, but all he really wanted to do was annoy the heck out of me.  Plus he would dump his dirty clothes on my side of the room every chance he got.

But even though Kenny was a lot better brother, I didn't want to spill my guts to him.  "I wasn't doing anything."

"Come on.  I saw you puckering up your lips in the mirror.  Now what gives?  Is it a girl?"

I stared at him.  How had he known that?  I couldn't believe he'd busted me.  I raised my eyebrow, my way of saying, "Yeah, it is."

Kenny walked over to my bed, sitting down.  "Are you going to tell me who she is, or am I going to have to make you talk?"

Had I said Kenny was a good brother?  Well, sometimes he wasn't so good.  One of the down sides of having a brother who's much older and bigger than you is that he can beat you up without really trying.  Not that he would.  Still, when Kenny wanted information, he'd been known to give me my fair share of bruises, noogies, and wedgies.  He'd even resorted to non-stop tickling.

I wasn't in the mood for any of that, so I sat down next to him.  "If I tell you, you've got to promise me you won't tell another living soul."  This was my reputation I was putting on the line.

"I promise."

"And," I added, " promise you won't laugh."

He smirked.  "I can't promise you that."

"Well, then, forget it!"

"Bobby, come on.  Who is she?"

If I didn't answer fast, there might be torture in store for me.  I tried to stall a little.  "Look, I don't know if I really like her or...I don't know."

"Do I know her?"  Kenny wasn't going to back down, I could tell.  I thought about making a run for it.  My bedroom door, a.k.a the emergency escape hatch, was looking awfully far away.

I couldn't look my brother in the eye.  "Well, yeah."

Kenny looked over at the corkboard hanging on the wall next to my desk.  There was a picture of Steve, Jenna and me from last year's county fair.  Kenny turned back to me with a big smile.  "It's not Jenna, is it?"

"Come on, quit it."

"It is Jenna!"  He was so proud of himself he started laughing.

I was seething.  "You promised you wouldn't say anything."

"Chill out."  He put his arm around me, still grinning.  "So does she know you like her?"

"No!  And don't get any ideas," I practically growled.  "That's the last thing I need right now."

"Calm down.  I'm not going to say anything."  Then he started gushing,  "Wow, my little bro is growing up."  It was nauseating.  Before I knew it, he had wrapped his arm around my neck, digging his knuckles into the top of my head with his other hand!

"Ouch! Jeez, Kenny."  I'd thought confessing would have made me safe from noogies.

"So, that's what you were doing in the mirror."  Kenny relaxed his grip, setting me free.  "You were practicing kissing her."

"If you laugh any louder, the neighbors are going to call the cops," I said.  They'd think we were having a wild party.  "It's not funny."

"Hey, man, I was just playing with you.  You know that, right?"

I guess Kenny could tell he'd hurt my feelings, so he changed back into a good brother again.

I shrugged.  I was probably taking all of this too seriously.

"You know, it's cool that you like Jenna.  She's a nice girl."  Kenny looked at me a minute to see if I was okay.  "So are you going to ask her out?"

"No way!  Are you kidding?  I wouldn't know what to do.  I've never had a girlfriend before."  I was embarrassed again.  "I don't know how to...you know..."  I couldn't bring myself to say it.

"You don't know how to what?"

"You know!"

"No, I don't.  I'm afraid your communication skills are lacking.  I need more info if you want me to help you."

If I was going to get help from anyone, it might as well be him.  I took a deep breath, working up my courage.  "I've never kissed a girl before," I said.

The words were so pathetic, I could feel Kenny thinking my little brother is a hopeless loser!  He looked away for a second, scratching his forehead as I sat waiting for my next humiliation.  But it never came.

"Okay."  He sat up straight.  "It's time I gave you the 4-1-1 on women."

"I don't need to know all of that right now," I said, annoyed.  "I just need to know how to talk to Jenna without sounding like a dork."

"Uh..." 

I held my breath.  I knew what he was going to say.  I hoped it wouldn't be too brutal.

"Someone like you isn't going to learn how to do something like that overnight."

"Gee, thanks."

"I just meant that you're not really the outgoing type, so you're going to have to work on your social skills."  He looked at me sympathetically.

"So what you're saying is, until I learn to be more like you, Jenna is never going to think of me as anything other than a friend?"

"Yup.  I'm afraid until you learn how to come out of that shell of yours, you're doomed to remain in the friend zone."

"You mean Jenna will think of me as just another one of her mall buddies?"

"Afraid so."  With that, Kenny patted me on the back.

He was just leaving my room when Jon barged in.