A short 10 min play I wrote for a contest. |
Lights up to reveal an apartment, boxes are strewn about obviously someone is moving out. Stage left is a hall leading to the front door, stage right is the door to the kitchen. Mark is sitting on the couch, talking on the phone. Carol is cleaning and packing. MARK Yes. Yes. I know. Listen, I told you I would give you my boss, but I never said anything about my crew, they walk. Doorbell rings MARK Well then there is no deal. Yes. You aren't going to get anything out of these guys that you aren't already getting from me. Doorbell rings MARK Would somebody get that! Well I think I am in a position to negotiate. Doorbell rings MARK For Christ's sake would somebody answer the fucking door. Carol I'm busy! You get it! MARK I'm on the fucking phone! Sorry what? Look I came to you, without me, you got nothing. Exactly, just make the deal. Doorbell rings MARK Jesus H. Christ. Just fucking come in already! And another thing, these guys you got me a fucking worthless, my wife went to the store yesterday and she actually caught them sleeping. Tony knows what's going on. Vinney got clipped last week down in Hell's Kitchen. So unless you want me to dissappear_ BOBBY enters stage left, CAROL enters stage right. MARK Just take care of that OK? Yeah yeah go fuck yourself. Who the fuck are you? BOBBY Um... is this a bad time. I'm uh your neighbor. You know what I can come back. CAROL No no you'll have to forgive my husband, bad day at work honey? MARK Shut up. Don't talk about my business. Who let you in? BOBBY Nobody, you said to come in. Was that alright? I know I shouldn't have just walked in but you said_ MARK No no I mean... BOBBY Oh you mean the two cops outside? They were taking a nap and I didn't think it was right to wake them up. MARK Jesus. See what I'm talking about Carol? I'm gone. I'm gonna get_ CAROL So you are the new neighbor, what can we do for you? BOBBY Well, I know it's a little cliche, but can I borrow a cup of sugar? MARK Ha ha ha. You're kidding right? BOBBY No. See it's my girlfriend's birthday today and I'm making her a cake. CAROL Baking. BOBBY Excuse me? CAROL Baking. You're baking her a cake. You make food, you bake a cake. BOBBY Right. Baking. Anyway I'm out of sugar and I still haven't figured out the neighborhood. Manhattan can be very confusing. CAROL Yeah I think we can do that. You don't mind do you dear? MARK Do I have a choice? CAROL Have a seat, I'll see if we have any. And be nice to the poor boy he is our neighbor after all. CAROL exits. MARK So uh... where you from? BOBBY Oh, all over, my work keeps me moving around so I'm never in one place for too long. MARK Really? What do you do? BOBBY I'm a cleaner MARK sits upright in his chair and sticks his hand behind a pillow. CAROL enters. CAROL I'm sorry I forgot to ask, did you need white sugar or brown sugar? BOBBY White. CAROL So you have brown sugar. BOBBY No I don't. Why? CAROL Well doesn't the frosting recipe call for brown sugar? BOBBY I'm actually kinda winging it on this one. CAROL You aren't following a recipe? BOBBY No ma'am. I don't have one. CAROL Oh my God! You can't bake a cake without a recipe. Hold on a moment, I've got a great one that my grandmother gave me. Be right back. MARK Carol, I think the boy just needs his sugar so he can be on his way. CAROL Oh it's no trouble, it'll just take one second. CAROL exits MARK So. What exactly do you clean? BOBBY Oh you know, the usual. Offices, corporations, restaurants. MARK And just who do you work for? BOBBY Well I'm an independent contractor. MARK Really? You make this kind of money as an independent You must be very good at your job. BOBBY Well I don't like to brag, but people say I'm the best. MARK Really? How much do you make? BOBBY Oh it's not bad, about fifty grand per job, more for the really dirty ones. MARK Messy work? Cleaning that is? BOBBY Yeah it can get a little messy, but you know what they say. It's a dirty job... MARK But somebody has to do it? BOBBY Right. Anyway enough about me, what do you do for a living? MARK I'm in construction. BOBBY Good money in construction right? MARK Not bad. BOBBY Yeah. Better money if you can get your hands on a government contract right? MARK Yeah. BOBBY You ever get your hands on one of those government contracts... Mark. MARK quickly starts to pull his hand out from behind the pillow and BOBBY jumps up reaching towards his back when CAROL walks in. Both men relax. CAROL What a gentleman, standing when I walk in. No need to be polite dear, sit down and make yourself comfortable. I was just wondering if I could offer you some coffee. MARK No. Nobody wants coffee. BOBBY Actually some coffee sounds nice. Black, two sugars. White not brown. CAROL Well aren't you funny! Any for you Mark? MARK I think I'm fine Carol CAROL Suit yourself. CAROL exits into the kitchen. BOBBY So. What were we talking about? MARK Government contracts. BOBBY That's right, government contracts. You ever get any of those? MARK Yeah. I'm actually working on one right now, just trying to seal up all the loose ends and such. BOBBY Well good. Good for you. Don't let them screw you, you know those government types, always trying to get one up on you. MARK Tell me about it. So how are you liking living uptown? BOBBY I like it, I'm actually thinking of settling down and opening up shop here. It's a lot better then the last place I was. MARK And where was that? If you don't mind me asking. BOBBY Not at all, I was just down in Hell's Kitchen last week and let me tell you something, the name doesn't fit. MARK Better? BOBBY Worse. That place is horrible. MARK I was born in Hell's Kitchen. BOBBY Well then you know what I'm talking about right? I've been cleaning for years and I've never seen an area that needed my services more then Hell's Kitchen does. I was afraid to walk home by myself at night. Good thing you made like the Jefferson's MARK The Jefferson's? BOBBY Yeah. You know, moving on up to the east side, to that de-luxe apartment in the sky. Man I loved that show when I was a kid. True I only saw the reruns but still. You ever watch it? MARK Can't say I did. I was too busy working. BOBBY Were you a contractor even as a kid? MARK No I was a delivery boy, for a small restaurant. BOBBY And look at you now huh? A boss. MARK Excuse me? BOBBY I'm sorry, are you a manager at the construction company or do you own the place. MARK I guess you could say I'm a manager. Do you mind if we talk a little more privately? BOBBY Not at all. CAROL enters with a cup of coffee and a note card. CAROL Here you are. One cake recipe, and one cup of coffee, black with two sugars. White not brown. I hope you don't mind but I added a little bit of flavoring, it smells faintly of bitter almonds but it is tasty. BOBBY Not at all. Thank you ma'am. Oh dear. CAROL What? BOBBY I'm afraid I don't have any of this. Eggs, milk, I didn't know all this went into making, I'm sorry baking, a cake. CAROL Well then, tell you what, why don't I show you where the store is and we can pick everything up and then I'll help you make it. MARK Actually Carol, we were just having a lovely conversation, weren't we? BOBBY Yep, Mark here was telling me about his business. CAROL Was he? Well isn't that nice. MARK Yes it is. So why don't you run to the store and pick all that up and I will keep our guest entertained. He can pay us back. CAROL Well I guess I could do that. And when I get back I'll even help you bake that cake. BOBBY Thank you so very much Carol, I really appreciate it. CAROL How did you know my name. MARK Oh uh I said it earlier. How else would he know? CAROL Of course of course. Silly me. Anyway, I'll be back in a few. You boys behave yourself while I'm gone. And don't forget to drink that coffee while it's hot. CAROL exits BOBBY Lovely woman, your wife. It is so nice of her to help me out like this. MARK Well what are neighbors for? BOBBY I'll really have to find some way to thank her after I finish up my contract. MARK With Tony? BOBBY I'm sorry? MARK Look lets lay it all on the table here. You get paid what about fifty grand per "cleaning" right? BOBBY That's right. MARK Well how about I buy that contract from you for say, one hundred, cash? I'll do the cleaning for you and you can relax for a few weeks. BOBBY Well I don't know if I can do that Mark. That's a lot of money. MARK OK OK how about this then, I hire you at my "construction company" and pay you fifty grand a month? With a bonus of oh I don't know seventy five for doing some extra cleaning around the office. BOBBY Well that is a tempting offer, Mark but I don't think I can let my clients down like that, they are expecting me to fulfill my end of the bargain. I didn't get my reputation just by selling my jobs to someone else. MARK Look there are two uniformed police officers sitting right outside the front door. BOBBY They are sleeping. MARK True, but I think a gunshot would wake them up don't you? BOBBY I really don't think so Mark, they are very much fast asleep, I don't think they will be waking up anytime soon. MARK jumps up from the couch, pulling out a gun and fires. At the same time BOBBY jumps up throwing his coffee in MARK's face, causing him to miss. In his blindness he throws the gun at BOBBY and misses, it lands by the hall to the front door. Then, BOBBY pulls a gun from behind his back and shoots MARK. He drags the body into the kitchen, then runs to the phone. BOBBY Hello? Emergency I'm new here and I just heard shots from across the hall, when I came in to see what was going on, my neighbor was lying on the floor dead. Thank you. CAROL enters while BOBBY is on the phone and picks up the gun. BOBBY hangs up the phone, and turns around noticing CAROL. BOBBY Oh. Hello Carol. Got everything you needed from the store? Mark said I could use your phone to call my girlfriend. CAROL Couldn't just drink the coffee could you? BOBBY Excuse me? CAROL I made it special for you and you just let it sit there getting cold. BOBBY I'm sorry. CAROL Tony and I had it all planned out a little cyanide in the coffee, then I come in and get rid of Mark and it looks like he poisoned you and you shot him for it. An open and shut case and best of all it's free but you just had to go and fuck it all up didn't you. CAROL shoots BOBBY, walks over to him, pulls a cell phone out and dials. CAROL Let me talk to Tony. Tony? Hey this is Carol. Yeah it's all done. No he didn't drink the poison but it's OK, I still made it look like they killed each other. CAROL absentmindly picks up the coffee and takes a drink. CAROL (CONT'D) OK I'll come down once I finish with the cops. See you soon. Love you too. Bye. CAROL looks down and notices the coffee in her hand. CAROL (CONT'D) Oh shit. CURTAIN |