Cold Feet

Scene one: Lights up on An appartment in Las vegas. The appartment is sparcely furnished. stage left is a door leading outside and directly opposite it is a door stage right leading into the rest of the appartment. Jack and Wally are putting on tuxedos as the lights come up.

Jack
What the heck is this?

WALLY
Haven't you ever worn a tux before? That is the cumberbund.

JACK
What on earth is a cumberbund?

WALLY
It goes around your waist.

JACK puts the cumberbund on like a belt, backwards.

JACK
OK so I know these are the cufflinks but how do I get them on with the buttons in the way?

WALLY
My God you are hopeless you don't button the sleeves you idiot.

WALLY turns to JACK and notices the cumberbund.

WALLY (CONT'D)
What the hell is that?

JACK
Haven't you ever worn a tux before? That is the cumberbund.

WALLY
Don't be cute. You have it on backwards, smartass, honestly how did you dress yourself before you met Jane?

JACK
I had you to dress me Dad, at least Jane knows how to match colors.

WALLY
Yeah well usually your mother teaches you things like that.

JACK
Sorry. I didn't mean_

WALLY
Don't worry about it, it was a long time ago. Here let me help you with that tie.

WALLY crosses to JACK and begins to tie his tie for him.

WALLY (CONT'D)
So, the big day huh?

JACK
Yeah.

WALLY
You nervous? Maybe getting cold feet?

JACK
Naw. Why? Do you think I should be getting cold feet?

WALLY
Naw, Jane's a good woman. Glad to see the apple fell far from THAT particular tree.

JACK
Come on Dad, Freddy's alright, he just takes some getting used to.

The door opens and Freddy enters.

FREDDY
Hey! Would you two quit talking about me!

WALLY
Well you know what they say, speak of the Devil_

JACK
We were wondering when you were going to show up, so we figured if your ears were burning you might hurry up.

FREDDY
Well it worked didn't it? I'm going to go get dressed.

FREDDY exits stage right.

JACK
Why did you have to go and say that?

WALLY
Listen, I know you think that I am being overprotective but that is my job as your father.

JACK
Well can you two get along? Just for today? For me? Or at least for Jane? If today doesn't go perfectly, she's liable to whack me.

WALLY
What?

JACK
Kill me? Please. Try to get along.

WALLY
Well, no guarantees but I'll try. I just don't like the idea of you spending so much time in his casino. You have a family now, time to start thinking about that.

JACK
Hi pot, have you met me, kettle?

WALLY
Look I know I made some mistake but I don't want to watch you make the same ones. Gambling is an addiction, you know.

JACK
Come on, not this old song and dance Dad, I'm not going to be like you. I'm never going back to that RV, so can we drop it please?

WALLY
OK. I'll drop it.

FREDDY ENTERS DRESSED IN HIS TUX

FREDDY
Damn it boys I thought I told you to quit talking about me!

JACK
We weren't.

WALLY
That time.

JACK
Well well well look at you, that is quite the sharp monkey suit Freddy.

FREDDY
Speak for yourself, you two certainly do clean up nice. I must say I am shocked.

JACK
Well thank you Freddy, I do aim to please.

FREDDY
Here, you two get together I want to get a picture, you know, so you guys have proof because no one is going to believe this.

JACK and WALLY stand upstage center, while FREDDY snaps a picture.

FREDDY (cONT'D)
Well now ain't that sweet? You guys want to see?

FREDDY hands the camera to JACK and pulls WALLY aside.

FREDDY (cONT'D)
Hey Wally you mind if I have a word with the groom? You know, just father of the bride type stuff.

JACK motions WALLY to leave

WALLY
Well? I suppose so. Don't take too long, don't want people to think she's marrying me. Come here, give your old man a hug.

They embrace

WALLY (CONT'D)
You're looking good kid.

WALLY exits stage left. JACK paces for a moment before sitting down. FREDDY just stares at him.

JACK
So this is the part where you threaten me? You know "Treat my daughter right" and all that?

FREDDY
I saw you at the club last night.

JACK
I know I went a little overboard, but I was sure my luck would turn around.

FREDDY
A little overboard?

JACK
How bad?

FREDDY
Three hundred grand.

JACK
Look you can forgive it right? You've done it before.

FREDDY
I didn't forgive anything, I told you to pay as you got it but you just kept climbing deeper.

JACK
How deep?

FREDDY
You are five hundred large in the hole Jack, my bosses want me to call in your tab.

JACK
Your bosses? I thought you owned the place?

FREDDY
Don't play dumb with me Jack, you know what I mean.

JACK
Look can't this wait a little while, why does it have to be today?

FREDDY
It has to be today because I say it has to be today Jack.

JACK
OK how much do they want?

FREDDY
All of it.

JACK
ALL OF IT?

FREDDY
ALL of it.

JACK
I don't have that kind of money Freddy, you know that.

FREDDY
I know, and that's why it has to be today. I don't want my daughter to loose a husband.

JACK
She won't forgive you. She'll know who did it.

FREDDY
That's why I am going to give you a choice Jack.

JACK
What kind of choice?

FREDDY
Let's just lay it on the table OK I don't want Jane to be stuck with a deadbeat, and let's face it, you won't ever stop gambling. Just like your father.

JACK
So?

FREDDY
So I want Jane to be with someone who will be able to take care of her. And that's not you. That is why I'm going to make you an offer you can't refuse. Forgive and forget, everything.

JACK
What's the catch?

FREDDY
No catch. All you have to do is walk out there and call everything off, you walk away from Jane, and I'll walk away from you.

JACK
And if I say no?

FREDDY
You won't make it to your honeymoon.

JACK
You can't just kill me at my wedding, look at all the witnesses out there!

FREDDY
What witnesses? All I see are connected friends and family. And your dad.

JACK
Look, why don't you just give me a little more time, I'll work in the casino until I pay it off.

FREDDY
This isn't a negotiation Jack, you have two choices, think about it.

FREDDY and JACK exit stage left.

JACK (O.S.)
I can't do this!

JACK throws open the door and storms in, throwing off his jacket and tie.

JACK
Cumberbund my ass. Can't stand this shit.

JACK removes the cumberbund and throws it across the room as WALLY enters.

WALLY
What happened out there?

JACK
I couldn't do it. I couldn't go through with it.

WALLY
Why not?

JACK
I just couldn't OK? Tell everyone I got cold feet or something.

WALLY
Your fiance is out there crying Jack did you know that? Cold feet means you don't show up, it doesn't mean you say "I don't" and run away. You better have a damn good reason to do what you did.

JACK
Look I got nervous OK? I just couldn't go through with it.

WALLY
Jack, everyone gets nervous. It's part of getting married. When your mother and I tied the knot I was sweating like Niagara. Look take some time and calm down. I'll go out there and explain that you just got a little scared and then you can come out and we can do this thing OK?

JACK
Whatever. Say whatever you want to say.

WALLY
No. I want your word you will come back out. At least to explain yourself to your guests.

JACK
OK give me like five minuets.

WALLY exits stage left and JACK exits stage right. He enters a moment later carrying a bag and a pile of clothes and starts packing. JANE enters stage left.

JANE
Oh so now you are running away huh?

JACK
Jane? I'm sorry but I can't.

JANE
Why not?

JACK
I just can't. I'll call you in a few days and explain everything OK. I love you but I have to go.

JANE
No. You will explain everything now, got it?

JACK
OK. Um. So I'm in the church right? And everyone is there and they're waiting for me. And I don't know but all this stuff starts popping into my head. I mean forever is a long time. I love you and all but come on! Have you ever thought about forever? So then I try to think of excuses right? To kind of talk myself down, like your parents are there and my dad is there which is a feat in itself you know? And we paid a lot of money to be here so I might as well take advantage of it because I'm going to be paying it off forever. And there it is again! Fucking forever! I just couldn't seem to escape forever. So I left. I'm sorry.

JANE
Bull shit. That is bull shit. I don't believe one word of it. What really happened?

JACK
The truth?

JANE
I think I am entitled to it.

JACK
Look I owe your dad a lot of money.

JANE
How much?

JACK
Five hundred.

JANE
Well that's not that bad.

JACK
Grand.

JANE
Jesus! How did you get that deep?

JACK
I thought my luck would change I guess. Anyway your dad told me he would forgive the debt if I called the wedding off.

JANE
So you chose the money over me is that it?

JACK
No, my life. I figured that if I got him to forgive the debt I could figure something out. It would buy me some time and we could wait a little while to get married.

JANE
Why didn't you talk to me about this?

JACK
I didn't want you to know. I'm sorry.

JANE
OK. Here is how this is going to go. Do you want to marry me or not?

JACK
But your dad?

JANE
Forget my dad, if he was out of the picture what would you say?

JACK
Of course I want to marry you.

JANE
Then that is what we are going to do. I'll take care of my father

JACK
What is that supposed to mean?

JANE
Don't ask questions you aren't prepared to know the answer to. I'll talk to Uncle Vinny and he will take care of everything.

JACK
You guys are severely in need of some counselling, I mean seriously, you should get your head checked. I don't think I want to be a part of all this.

JANE
Look. I paid a fortune for this dress, all my family and friends are out there and I am getting married today. With or without you. So get your jacket, and your tie and let's go! Or I can bring my dad back in here, if you would prefer that.

JACK
Yes ma'am.

JACK retrieves his things and the two of them exit stage left.

WALLY (O.S.)
OK here they are! Nothing to worry about folks, just a slight case of nerves. You OK son?

JACK (O.S.)
Let's get on with it.

FREDDY (O.S.)
Jack? Are you sure you are alright? Think about it.

JANE (O.S.)
Yes daddy. He is fine, and we are getting married today. I will deal with you later.

JACK (O.S.)
Freddy, what are you doing?

JANE (O.S.)
DADDY NO!

Gunshot.

JANE (O.S.)
Damn it dad. That is the fifth one. At this rate I'll never get married!

Gunshot. Curtain.