The Idiocy Chronicles: Masterful Monday

Once upon a time, long ago in the land of Emerson High School, there lived the weirdest folk you can imagine. There was Laney Christensen, the crazy hip-hopping clarinet player, Halli Heiliger, the weird in a good way flautist, Claire Jordan, the gruesomely poetic bookworm, Melina Norton, the indescribable anime addict bent on world domination, Morey Owens, the stupendously sneaky thief, and their fearless leader, Carl Meider Spoc Ershkentorf, Halli's mighty locker.

These five friends lived and went to school together everyday, except when Laney missed the bus. Then all the other ones would go to school and she would stay home and do whatever she darn well pleased. Booya.

This tale begins at the start of the week for the young friends. Laney, Halli, and Morey began their Monday morning as usual in Band Geek Headquarters under the strict command of the not-so-strict Mr. Carlton.

Laney and Halli always sat next to each other, so that all their rantings and ravings didn't disturb too many of the other students. They could get pretty crazy sometimes, with their random conversations about fish, homework, the Grinch, spaghetti, whirlpools, shades of carpet, Melina's recent plans to take over the world, windows... and so the list goes on and on. At times, without realizing it, or really meaning to, they would leave Morey out of their awkward conversations, so she would just find something else to do, which was really just fine with her.

This particular Monday, Laney and Halli were discussing thirty-nine-and-a-half foot poles, and Morey sat plotting evilly.

"What to steal, what to steal, what to steal," was about the only thing going on in Morey's mind as she watched her two friends go on talking about...nothing, really. An evil grin spread on her face as she centered upon a target.

The bell rang, and all the students packed up their instruments and started to leave the band room. Except for Halli and Laney, the majorist band geeks of them all, who had four band classes right in a row. They just stayed and ran around being their weird selves. Halli had taken off her shoes sometime in the running around before the bell rang, and suddenly decided she wanted them back on. So she ran back to where she had been sitting, only to discover...HER SHOES WERE MISSING!!!!!

Morey had taken them. And, as was the very nature of Morey, had probably hidden them somewhere in the band room before leaving.

The bell rang signaling the start of second period. Second period was an interesting thing at Emerson High School. It was only 15 minutes long. And all you did was read. Well, as every other student in the band room got out their books to read during second period, Halli and Laney began the search for Halli's shoes.

They searched high and low for those shoes. Under chairs they journeyed, through the great and powerful instrument storage room they went. They looked in cases, and in instruments without cases. There was this one tuba that they turned inside out looking for those missing shoes. They rummaged through all that room, Halli climbing shelves as she went. Laney didn't have to climb. She was tall enough to reach the top.

Finally, after a minute and a half, the duo decided the shoes were not to be found in the instrument closet. So they traveled on to Mr. Carlton's office. Under the mighty bean bag chair they toiled, only to discover the shoes were not there! On to the shelves in the office they went (Halli had to climb again). The shoes weren't there either. The filing cabinets were to be searched next. Since Halli was so small, she was nominated to dive into the drawers. The missing shoes were unfortunately not in any of them. At least Halli got a good workout swimming through all those files. Next, they took apart the computer and searched amongst all the ram. But alas, no shoes.

Another minute had passed. On to the big practice room they went! They searched through the closets that held the summer marching band uniforms and got lost in the jungle all those clothes had created, but their efforts were not rewarded. They even looked inside every single hat box to no avail. The shoes were still on the loose.

Giving up on the practice rooms after they searched two more only to discover a lost drumset, they decided to make their way through the general band room. Over and under the students they went, running into Cello Boy, crawling through Marty Larson's tuba, and narrowly avoiding a clash with Kimchi's sax. It was one heck of an adventure, but sadly, the shoes were never found.

By the time they had finished searching through the percussion instruments and ringing the gong a few dozen times as to disrupt the complete silence that second period brought, it was time for third period to begin.

"Halli! Laney! What have you two been doing for the past fifteen minutes?" asked Mr. Carlton after the bell had rang.

"I can't find my shoes," Halli said in a sorrowful voice.

"Why?" he said in an amused tone.

"Morey took them."

"Oh. Well look for them later. Let's play."

So Halli went to get her music. Lo and behold, there, in a box upon the music cubbies, that were incidentally placed in between the instrument closet and Mr. Carlton's office, sat the shoes of wonder!! AAAHHH!!! (That was a chorus of heavenly voices, by the way.)

And thus, the shoes were replaced upon the feet, and Morey's disruption of the peace had finally come to an end.

In the meantime, while Halli and Laney had spent fifteen minutes of their lives searching ever more for the missing shoes, Claire had been writing a poem about dying. Just in case you wanted to know. And Melina was still plotting to take over the world. Unfortunately, something sparkly distracted her, so she had start over.

Well, the day went on, and sadly, band ended. And was over. So Halli and Laney left to go to their next classes.

Walking down the hall, Laney spotted an unsuspecting target. There she was, the junior, Charlotte Bradley. Oh so carefully did Laney suddenly sneak away from Halli and tip-toe up behind Charlotte.

And then she made her move. With great skills and stuff, Laney willed herself back in time, through an insanity portal, into another dimension, and then back again. Then she used her brother's magic wand to turn herself into a monkey and jumped in front of Charlotte.

Naturally, Charlotte screamed and such. "Oh, Laney, you're such a dork!" said she, but in a good, friendly way, of course. And then she pushed Laney down the hall into another awkward situation.

See, at the time, a couple of jocks were, like, totally excited about something, and they were commencing in a grand high-fiving session. That is, they were, until Laney was pushed right between their high-fiving hands...

So the jocks high-fived her head, and sent her into another dimension. Laney liked it there, so she decided to stay there for the rest of the day while her friends were stuck at school.

And so ends the masterful Monday in our wonderful world of idiocy.