hate the one you love

i should hate you
but i love you.

i thought you were mine as i used to watch you sleep.  i was wrong.  didn't know you wasn't mine as we walked hand in hand down the street everyday.  used me that's what you did.  take your souless body from this earth is what i should do but......i'm not God.

the tires you ride on, on the streets are florida are mine.  i bought those for the man i love,  you ride on them with someone else now.  does she hold your hand as i did when we rode those streets?    i being with you for almost 3 years never drove the car i put 1000 dollar tires on.  i should spill your blood slowly, and watch your breath leave your souless body.

why can't i hate you
the way you didn't love me?

money to your kids who i never met.  2 people who i never even said hello to on the phone,  i sent my hard earned money to them like I pushed them from my  vagina.  though we got paid the same days and you had money when i had money you would say" baby can you give me some money, since you make more than me and i keep my couple of dollas in my pocket"    like an idiot i obliged.    2000 dollars and more gone.  oh how i loved you and wanted to make you happy.    gave you my love.  my spirit.  tried over and over.  still you would call me a hoe, slut, bitch.  claiming i had  secrets.    i am not a person of filth, and disgust.  i was pure to you.    i should stab you within your heart, lick the blood from the knife and kiss you with it.  you need to taste your own filth and disgust.

i should hate you
but i love you.

my apartment beautiful and spacious.  we moved.  your paranoia thinking men were coming by, eyeing me, or talking to me.  we moved to a dump i hated.    so small we could hear the neighbors take a shit.    quit my job.  stayed home staring at the walls.  stayed inside the house so no other human could see me.  to help you feel secure.  still you walked thru the door calling me names.  asking about people i had never seen.  please no one look at me i would pray when we went out.  stopped caring about how i looked.    i should kiss you while i shoot you.    so that i may take your last breath as you did me.    i am still fighting to breathe on my own,  you took so much from me.

i should hate you
i do.

i had money when we met.  buy pretty much anything i wanted.  kept my bills paid.
in the end had to ask you for money just to buy toilet paper to wipe my ass.  you controlled me.  i wanted to make you happy.    i cut myself off from friends and family.  changed my number constantly to cut down people calling me.    though those people were my family.  i did that so you would feel secure.    told you my deepest secrets.  my heartaches and pains i had been thru.  you used me though.    i should make love to you and as i ride you stick the knife deep within your chest.  watch life leave your eyes,  feel your body go limp.  you did that to me.  i did everything i could to help you feel secure.  i never cheated, deceived or hurt you.  never took you for granted.    i loved you.    i begged you, swore on bibles whenever to help you feel secure.  still you degraded me.  hurt me.  got upset if i used the bathroom.    why can't i hate you?

i think i do.

i never want to see you.  i will try to kill you,  that i promise.  i will spill your blood as you spill mine.  you have already forgotten me?    why can't i forget you?    you have another laying on my 500 dollar sheets, using my dishes.  does she lay on my side of the bed?  do you 2 watch my big screen tv?  listen to my cd?  i will kill you if i lay my brown eyes on you.    i will kill you slowly though my tears will fall.  i will stand over you professing my love to the heavens for you.  i will make sure you hear for the final time.  i never cheated or deceived you in any way.  i want to make sure you take it to your grave,  so it will be there with you no matter which way you turn.    then maybe you will understand the woman you had.    i loved you more than i loved myself.    i guess in the  end i will be the devil in disguise as you were mine.

i do hate you.
i do love you.