Simply, a Complicated Love Story

Simply, A Complicated Love Story

This story is based on actual events. Of course the names have been changed.


I'm currently struggling with a problem. I'm not usually an angry person, but also I'm never this sad. Or at least I haven't been in a while, a long while. Well I love her, no, no, I hate her. I can't even make up my mind anymore. I at least can say I loved her, for over 2 years. But now, I just don't know, this feeling in my stomach, such a weird sensation. She's beautiful; half of me wants her, the other half wants to kill her. Oh, I don't think I'm crazy enough to kill her. It's just a typical love story, maybe with a few twists and turns of abnormality. I feel like I'm the only person who has had to deal with such problems. I wonder if I'm the only one, can't be. I guess I should get to the point, no more point in stalling, no more questions for now, and I'm eager to try to solve my own problem. It's like I'm my own psychologist, that's a pretty cool idea. So, what am I babbling about?


Ok let's get this straight, Ruby is ignoring me. But why is this a problem, most guys get ignored, especially with my social status, its common for a jock or someone "cooler" to ignore the common peon. But Ruby, she's different. She is in the same social status, and I have been talking to her for over 2 years. It was love at first sight, first year of high school. I was hesitant but persisted to talk after a couple of weeks. It's hard enough being new to a school, but complications increased as I met new people. She is new, too. Lucky me, maybe I have a chance. Months later, I found out she had a boyfriend. The world came to a crashing halt, and it felt as if my heart had been pierced by a steel pole.


After all this time, I was trying to hit on her, although I'm not a professional at it, in fact new to it. Well, what do I do next? Of course I continue on, talking, trying to get to know her because I, although this might come as a shocker, go for personality not looks. But the great thing was she had the looks and my god, her personality, I loved it. Well yeah, she was little and very cute. But her personality was this, just imagine, the quiet girl, she's nice, shy, friendly. If you're having trouble imagining this then think of the first day of school you had, after summer vacation, in a completely new school, with new people; that's how she acted for at least half the year. Wait a minute I'm nice, shy, and friendly! As the year went by, conversations had not occurred much, I made a group of friends including Ruby and Chad, yeah my future best friend; it was as if I never got to know them, since after all this time I had not talked to Ruby and Chad much.


Enter second year, people had already started a rumor that I liked her, but it was all jokes no one really knew. There was actually a small cover up because I dated this other chick my first year. My god, she was the most annoying person on Earth, kind of cute, but annoying. Phone calls here and their, I wasn't ready for my very first relationship. Especially since I was new to the school, I already had peer pressure of my friends telling me not to date her, and I was scared of committing. For example, she would want to hug and cuddle, while I'm trying to make new friends by playing football with them, damn right, a manly sport. I don't like sports too much, yes hard to believe, but hey it was fun with new people. Ok so anyways, I broke up with her, yadda, yadda, yadda, the second year. Much better, I no longer felt peer pressure, started to make a best friend, not just a friend, with Chad, and got to make friends with Ruby. I mean it came to a point where Chad and I just started to ask her sexual questions, ha ha, us and our immaturity. Like, what's your breast size? Do you masturbate and how often? We found it hilarious, but Ruby on the other hand got a lot quieter when we asked these questions. I personally don't think she's matured sexually, she finds it awkward.


But whatever, we laughed, you know, had some good times. We didn't do much, outside of school and this really seemed like an awkward friendship, both with my best friend and Ruby. There are two characters that come into play, Jack and Gary. Jack is a cool guy, hangs out with almost everyone in the grade. What I mean is not only does he hang out with me and my friends but the people that I don't even talk to. Gary has anger issues and can almost always be a prick. Jack was at the level of friendship I had with Chad. Gary on the other hand comes in later. Ok, ok, so I'm thinking, get to the main story already. No! I must analyze all this, from the start. Yeah, be professional or something, ha. Well, second years almost over anyways. But one big thing is left out, my feelings towards Ruby. I told many people that I liked her, my idiot friends even shouted it out. Yeah, she knows. You got to be blond not to figure out their not joking this time. But something happened that I never thought would happen, my feelings towards her were slowly diminishing. I figured, hey, she has a boyfriend, I have no chance, and she's a good friend, give up. It worked, over the summer I didn't think of her and coming back to school, phone calls from her immerged. I felt like I can communicate with her better, because you see; before I kept thinking "don't do anything stupid, she might think that I like her." But now I can do whatever I want because I actually don't like her, so I felt comfortable around her.


Yes, this is where it all goes down hill; this is where the story begins. This is what really screwed things up, now I'm just saying, if this event did not happen, thing's might have turned out for the better. In the beginning of the third year, her boyfriend broke up with her. I don't know if you can guess what I might have thought, but here it is anyway. "YES! I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN." I was overjoyed, I had this thought deep down in my mind that I didn't want to acknowledge, which was I have a chance with her. You're probably thinking hey that's good, what's so bad, happy ending right? Wrong. Not only did Chad become an awesome friend, but Ruby became really good friends with him as well.


Yes, I will ruin a part of the story; they don't fall in love with each other. What happens is exactly what I mentioned before, she starts ignoring me. I'm not saying she stopped talking to me, the point is every time Chad and I were hanging out and Ruby comes along, she would always pay attention to Chad. I could have freaking sworn she liked him or something. She would say hi to him first, almost always and almost always talk to him and not me. One major thing was that those two were always online, but I never really signed on AOL Instant Messenger, so outside of school communication was kept to a bare minimum. She called less and I started to realize these conversations only dealt with school related matters. For more then two years, I just realized, I don't know who the hell this person is, what she does on her spare time, etc.


Let's not think I'm anti-social, hell I started to know almost every detail about Chad and Jack, a little bit more then I wanted to know. I'll spare the details for you. So it starts out this way and god damn it, I asked Chad, do you like her? He responded with a no, for some reason I trusted him, there was something that lied within that answer that made me believe him. Well, ok, so why is she ignoring me? Is it because I'm not on AIM? Is it because she hates me? Did she realize that I still like her and she finds that creepy? Now two things occur that complicate matters, she accepts Jack's flirting and seems to enjoy it. Yes, kind of skipped the details but he started flirting with her, no he doesn't like her either. Also Chad helped her out with the fight Gary and Ruby had, Gary being a friend I got closer to through out this year, so does Ruby like Chad better for this? But hey, wait a minute, I helped Chad help Ruby, I started the whole "if we don't do something now, their friendship is screwed." I analyzed them just like I'm analyzing myself. Does she know about this? Maybe not because Chad did the talking. This is when my depression hit, yes that's not the end of the story, and it gets a bit more complicated. I'll spare the confusion and try to keep things simple, if it can ever be.


So I actually was upset for a couple of days, then I kind of got over it and pretended to be sadder then I was. I told Chad about all this and he wanted to help. He said the only thing that should be done is to tell Ruby she is ignoring me. I told him; no it's only going to make things worse. I couldn't have been more right. She looked sad; she said she was sorry, Ruby said she didn't know she was ignoring me. So I gave it a couple days, I could completely tell she was pretending to notice me more. Saying "Woo hoo" when I did something in a sport, or simply just saying hello more often. The keyword is pretend and Gary made a really good point as he mentioned, "Hell, I can go around, saying hi to the principal and everyone, that doesn't mean I like them."


There could be nothing done between us, we just never talked I didn't realize yet, but I still felt sad that she was not talking to me. I didn't however realize I had nothing to say to her either. So Gary comes in and complicates things. I realize him and half the grade likes her. Wow, the biggest shocker I had in a while. Gary sounded pissed, I haven't been that pissed till now, although the anger had subsided. He complained that she doesn't like him; I soon realize I was complaining about the same thing. I just realized I was sad that she doesn't love me, is that so sad? I felt like a little kid but he brought up another point. He talked about her personality. What I hadn't realized was how much of a two faced bitch she was, not that little cute, shy girl. She had said it herself, although I hadn't believed it. She told me on the phone one day, "I'm not as shy as everyone thinks I am." I also realized the immense attitude she had, whenever something bad happens to her, such as Gary hating her, instead of feeling bad, and wondering if everything is going to be ok, she gets angry as well. I soon found out first hand because I was as furious as ever.


Once again, I go for personality and realizing this bitch that I had loved for over 2 years was really not the person I thought she was, I was furious. Gary and I decided not to talk to her anymore; we were done loving her and no longer would we hang out. Childish, yes, but you can't believe what damage this can do to some people. Of course with the personality she had, she only got pissed at us, not sad that we might not hang out with her anymore. Oh, the ramblings of a teenager, I love it. Now what do you think happens? Well, I did not even expect this; Gary says to Ruby "sorry, I didn't mean any of this." I felt betrayed. At this point I realized I never figured out her personality because I was blinded by love, the love created by the fake personality. Gary must be still blinded, he gave in too easily. I continued to ignore her but had a really bad feeling inside of me the entire time. So, since I am a nice guy by nature, I apologized. "Why are you apologizing?" Ruby was right, why the hell did I just tell her I'm sorry after the pain she had caused me? I pretended like everything was ok, but deep down I still hated her. It wasn't too long before I started to ignore her again. She asked me what the problem is outside of school. I asked her, "why should I be your friend?" Simple question, she answered, "I don't know." What the hell do you mean, I don't know? Is that all you can say after the 2+ years. I didn't say any of this, in fact I just sighed. She asked me, "Is this because I'm ignoring you, because I really don't think I am." Of course I believe, till this day she doesn't know it was actually because of her personality.


Well, I told Chad, right from the beginning, don't tell her about my sadness; it's only going to make things worse. I was seriously recovering, it wasn't serious, I didn't cry, just felt really upset. If I gave it a couple of more weeks I would have forgot about it and none of this would have happened. So the story comes to a conclusion. Till the end of the year, I ignored her. It wasn't the whole year, maybe a couple of months before the year ended had the ignoring started. But you see, I'm stuck in a dilemma that I can't seem to figure out. I still have feelings towards her. WHY? At some points I find myself staring at her only to quickly remember all that has happened and a quick spurt of anger settles in. Sometimes I feel like I should talk to her and I started to reply to her questions, almost always, but still can't find myself talking to her simply to start a conversation. Can I possibly continue this? Will my affection towards her ever end? Well at the end of the year I signed her year book, you know like hope you have a happy summer and what not, but I had scribbled down a little something. "I hope that in our differences we can start all over again next year, hopefully."


Starting new, fresh, all over again, it sounds good. But there's still that tiny feeling inside me that's saying, why do this, you're only going to hate her again. If you hate this person why talk to her? Well I've learned even the jocks, the gangsters, and the wannabes, sometimes say something to me and I don't mind, I no longer have a hate towards them in my school, their just part of the community I'm in. So can't she just be part of this community? Someone to occasionally talk to but still nothing to be pissed at. Maybe, just maybe I can settle this in my own mind, the true battle is constantly occurring their. Does this story have a true end to it? Do we become friends or lovers? No. I don't know if this has crossed your mind but yes it's a cliffhanger. But at least you're not living this cliffhanger.