Decision

There is a road I have taken
That I can't say I'm proud of
Its solemn façade and wintry paths
Are not crossed so often, not by decent people
Now as I sit I am frozen
Stuck between two worlds so to speak
And the more that I think about that road I walked upon
The more I pray for His forgiveness
Guess and choose is so easily done by many
But I envy the few who logically think things through
Before they act upon their intuitions
Before they saunter off the path that will bring them happiness
Before all they know is crushed and burned before them
Before they are thrust in front of a raging train
Before they are no more than carcasses
Tossed into unmarked, stuffy graves
I suppose nothing much can be done now
Except dwell on a dire mistake
A fault
An unwise decision
A choice that crushed my humanity and my soul
An option I wish had never presented itself
For now I am stuck with my regrets and my sorrow
And etchings of pain on the outside
Scars of anguish on the inside
My mind a numbing agent, I don't feel a thing
My heart, a cavernous abyss
Empty and quarantined
No future is present without a past
And I'm waiting for that light
The one that is believed to be at the end of the tunnel
Waiting for springtime, for the ground to thaw
And my shoes to stick to the mud
The sun to beat down upon my face
And happiness to embrace me like a lover
Gentle and warm
For freedom to be my companion
And, together, we'll make a new path, a new life,
and become not a failure but instead
become a miracle.