Contradiction

I feel anxious. I smell the coffee I want to drink as I relax.  The sweet aroma of alone time marked by the odorless but powerful quality of caffeine that my body is craving.  I decided to skip a much needed nap and replace it with much needed creative stimulation.  I smell the guilt inducing aroma of my cigarette as I light it.  The mixture of scents leads me to my past and the longing to be understood but also brings me to the present and the dilemma of being a positive and responsible role model for my impressionable children.