flailing, feeling like falling.

is that my shadow?
i didn't realize i'd been falling this long.
now im flailing,
or simply falling?
if i was 20 feet above 2 seconds ago,
what proof do i have that i was there.
i have brief recolection of the moment.

what if im just being deceived by my own mind.
my own lack of conciousness,
my thin line of memory,
wiped out by my own wandering mind.

without cowardly hiding from the death,
we die.
we face it with courage.
i face it with courage.
i have no trust in anything,
but i trust myself with my own life.
why?
why would i put my own life into my hands of all hands???

certainly someone can do better than myself.
anyone.

so why do i make my life a worthless decision after another?
because i can.
why wouldn't i?
why would i live without the excitement?

why do people live without the excitement?

how?
how do they have the power to turn down the excitement?
because without it, they have the power to make that decision.
with it, i don't.
i have no say in what i do.
i am simply fulfilling my purpose.
not for a god.
not for a country.
not for a family.
but for myself.

without my life here,
not one of you would be different.
you would all be the same people.

but im different.
point at me.