Mama J You is Troublin' Me

Mama J, I have nothing but love for you, why do you treat me so badly?
Why is it you say as a friend that you love me, yet you no longer trust me?
How does that work? I am somewhat confused.
What is it that has fueled your suspicions and deepest fears?
Don't you know that the objective is the same for us and I have not deviated from that aspiration.

For twenty plus years we have been dear friends and now this?
I am concerned and disturbed at your doubt and your conditions.
You know me intimately and I have never given a reason for your doubt.
I have always been true to our mutual cause, it shows in my daily living and in my heart.

Is it because we believe that she and I have affection for each other?
Are you jealous? Or is it just a control issue with you?
After all your reputation may require it.
Lest you forget, you have walked a very similar path in your own life.
It turned out well in spite of all the criticism that you endured at the age of 17 or 18, with no life's experience at the time, and a partner who was far less of a man then than the good man he has grown to be today.
After all this time do you really believe I would have anything less than
her best interest at heart or all men really just pigs in your minds eye?
The bigotry that I have encountered from you has me troubled deeply.

Form whence does this hypocrisy flow I ask?
What is your justification for this abuse of our friendship?
Have I ever asked for anything from you other than to be a friend?
Have I not done for you and asked for nothing in return other than your smile?
Have I broken this trust unknowingly, or is it your female, estrogen fired paranoia
that is the root cause of this?

Your actions and attitude have caused me to feel like
I have done something very wrong.
Deep and quiet introspection tells me something quite different.
The wisdom of others, upon discussion, reaffirms my thoughts and beliefs,
I am an innocent man in this situation.

If you are concerned about my selfishness, you need not be.
You know deep in your heart that I am a different man than most you have encountered in your life.
Certainly I have my dreams and desires but of what consequence are they to you or her when held in restraint?
After all what would life be with out these precious gifts that God provides?
Don't you think for one minute that our mutual friend would be respected and cared for, her needs being first and foremost, knowing me as you do?

Yet you want to deny me the very thing that you and I have shared for such a long time and that is her friendship and nothing more.
Do you believe that because you have compunction and incapacity about such things that other must too?

Trust that I am not angry at you, just bewildered at how this has gone.
What is it that you have to prove and to whom? That you are the Alpha female?
Is your ego such and your memory so short that you have forgotten what it is like?
Have you forgotten how the rules didn't apply when you decided to get involved against your mentors wishes?
Could this be one of those do as I say, not as I do situations?

I speak not in anger, just confusion by your actions and attitude.
I am not hurt because you are denying something that both she and I would like
but by your lack of trust when you know better.
Don't you think that I know better?. You are not aware that I passed on the opportunity that was placed before me because of the lack of an ideal.

To prey on a fellow sufferer for my own selfish wants and a few moments pleasure is just wrong.
It would be spiritual suicide for me to behave that way.
I decided a long time ago that I wanted to live in peace with God and my fellows and this type of behavior certainly would not be conducive toward that goal.
The price for such behavior exceeds my means to pay, mentally, emotionally and certainly spiritually.