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Rated: 18+ · Poetry · Comedy · #1437081
Each day brings another lousy date for this lady.
Mistaken All Week?

My life seemed boring, something felt amiss
I craved adventure, so I told my Sis.
But Sis thought I was crazy, she said, “Hon!
You’re quite mistaken. Strangers are no fun!”

Limerick Letdown

On Friday, I went out with Mickey
He thought he was terribly tricky
He thought it romantic
To fumble, quite frantic.
And end up the night with a quickie.

My Sis said, “Told you so!” without remorse.
But I went out and tried again, of course.

Haiku Hangup

On Saturday night
I discovered with sadness
That Hung Lo – wasn’t.

My sister laughed and said with bawdy wink,
“He was so short, sometimes you have to think!”

A Cinquain in the Park with George

I dined with George
Whose eloquence promised
A night of sensitivity
…or not.

I’m glad to say that Sis was somewhat kind.
She’d dated George herself, “I liked his mind.”

Acrostic between a Donkey and a Snake

L eonard asked me out on Monday
A nd I said I’d happily go,
R elieved because we went for sundaes,
G oing well meant going slow.
E ventually we went to his place
B ut we still just sat and talked
U ntil finally we got started
T hen his lordly member… balked.
L usting for his apt proportion
I  tried things not taught in school,
M ade an effort, tried extortion,
P roduced naught but flaccid tool.

Well, I told Sis I’d stayed home, watched TV.
There’s some humiliation I don’t need.

Epigram Telegram

On Tuesday I went out with Ray.
Turned out he was charming and… gay.

My Sis, she harkened back where she’d begun,
“You're still mistaken. Strangers are no fun!"

Take me out to the Etheree

On Wednesday, I went on a date with Sam
He took me to the ball park to see
The Indians play the Yankees
We sat in the second row.
He drank way too much beer.
He tried to grope me
Out in public!
I slapped him.
Fuck off,

I went back to my sister and I cried,
“I’m done”, I said, but thankfully I lied.

Thursday Sonnet

With heavy heart, uncertain and depressed,
I planned to stay at home and count my woes,
But then a call from Mike, whom I’d impressed
When he met me last week; my spirits rose.

He asked if I would come out to a play
He said he’d pick me up at half past eight
I felt like I did not know what to say
I dressed and paced ‘cause I could hardly wait.

I knew I should stay calm and circumspect
My failures of the week should sober me
But when he came he showed me such respect
My mind went blank – don’t know what came o’er me.

He held my hand and gazed into my eyes
And when we kissed, explosions lit the skies.

I must have looked like I had lost my head.
I grinned so wide and to my sister said,
“Dear Sis, I’m glad to say that I have won.
You’re quite mistaken. Strangers can be fun!”

* The contents here are fiction. They do not represent any real people or events, although they may reflect real emotions.

*Notes on formats*

A Limerick is a rhymed humorous or nonsense poem of five lines which originated in Limerick, Ireland. The Limerick has a set rhyme scheme of : a-a-b-b-a with a syllable structure of: 9-9-6-6-9.

A Haiku or Senryu is an unrhymed verse of Japanese origin consisting of three
lines of five, seven, and five syllables (5, 7, 5) or 17 syllables in all. Traditionally, a haiku deals with nature while a senyru deals with people, but in popular parlance in English-speaking countries, these are all called haiku so I used that term. Just be aware that traditionalists would shudder.

A Cinquain is a short, usually unrhymed poem consisting of twenty-two syllables distributed as 2, 4, 6, 8, 2, in five lines.

An Acrostic is where the first letter of each line spells a word or multiple words, usually using the same words as in the title or relating to the title.

An Epigram is a short satirical poem, usually a rhyming couplet, ending with either a humorous retort or a stinging punchline.

An Etheree consists of 10 lines of either 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 syllables or 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 syllables.

A Shakespearean Sonnet consists of 14 lines in iambic pentameter as three quatrains and a couplet, and rhymes
abab cdcd efef gg.

The discussion between the sisters is in iambic pentameter couplets rhymed as
aa bb ...
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