The Music I Love - Part One

TECHNO
The music is thumping.  The lights are flashing in a shower of lasers, flickering erratically to the beat.  If you look closely, you will find me nestled on a glowing white couch in the far corner of the densely populated club, lounging next to perfect strangers, who at the moment, I imagine are old trusted friends. I lean my head back and close my eyes. An absurdly huge smile breaks across my face as the room starts to go round and round, faster and faster, giving me the same dizzy sensation I felt as a kid spinning on a tire swing.

I love the feeling of being out of control and of having an excuse to be unaccountable for my actions, whatever they happen to be as the night progresses deeper into twilight. I lick my lips and suck them gently and then I laugh out loud and hard; knowing no one can hear me, not even my dear friends beside me who are so engrossed in sucking each other's faces off that I am certain they are oblivious to my presence.



R&B
I blink rapidly and then cringe at the sunlight peeking through the curtains of the dark room, instinctively shielding my eyes with my forearm.  I lay perfectly still, becoming aware of the warmth radiating from the body lying beside me. It all comes stumbling back to me.  I slept with my best friend! I silently moan. I lay quietly, thinking of all the possible scenarios to avoid an awkward situation and it all ending the same way, pretending it never happened. I tell myself no matter what happens, I'm a big girl.

I freeze as I feel him stir. He reaches for me and gently turns my face towards him. We stare at one another intensley trying to decipher what the other is thinking. We're so close I silently study the fullness of the dark lashes fringing his dark eyes. It seems like an eternity before he breaks the silence. "What do you want from this?" He asks softly. I feel heat rushing to my cheeks. "You don't owe me, I hear myself say defensively. "We're still friends." I add lamely.  He looks at me, a frown creasing his brow. After a moment, he says, "I want you. I want us. I'm not letting you go." He enfolds me in the most tender embrace my young heart has ever known." I sag against him, my nose buried in his neck and I breathe deeply and then exhale slowly. All I can think is how painfully happy I feel.



METAL
I bash conventional, slash conformity, stomp mainstream. I am mysterious and secretive. I am strong and independent. I am brash and feisty. I am me. Don't you know your desperation pushes me further into the recesses of my underworld? Yet I bask in your curiosity.  It sponsors my cloak of darkness.  For sure, you will never know me.

Pretentious, overbearing, deluded you are.  Understand it once and for all. Get Lost! I am happy being inside myself.  I don't need you. I am enough.