Half a year for you, Two months for me

The time I'm spending here is making me realize that the world is the same everywhere, but in different degrees. This may be the holy land, but there are much more holier men elsewhere. Being here also makes me realize all those things I miss back at home. The family missing. The music gone black insanity. Choices that I make in which I sacrifice who I really am for something with more depth cause me to see a light that I couldn't see with out it. Maturity gained can be swept away with indiscipline. This should never be lost or taken lightly when your wisdom depends on it.
Prayer and meditation is hard to come by here when work is all you do. I miss it more than I miss myself. It pleased me more to do those things than anything else.
Talent and ability has given me a life line here to help cope with the possibilities of death. Given such a high standard pleases me, but if I die here like I don't want to, since like everyone else I know I want to grow old and have children, I will feel like I passed the moment which meant to me most, or missed out on the goals in which I wanted to reach not for myself, but for God.
I hide this away within me where no one can see. It blesses and curses me. I hide this away not so that people won't see me, but out of shame. But what blame should I give to myself when being naive was the main basis with which I was born.